What causes us to be more easily exasperated with each other on online blogs/fluther/ect?

aka Where is the lurve?

All people are in a constant state of exasperation which they hide when seen in person. Online, everything is completely exasperated.

We don’t have the benefit of reading body language, hearing the tone of voice being used. We don’t get the visual ques from a person’s face. Sometimes, something can be said and it means one thing, but it’s taken a very different way. That is part of the problem.

The lack of intonation and wider interpretation possibilities are definitely huge parts of it, as well as not having eye contact or pre-established interpersonal relationships. Society’s common courtesies break down when things are nameless, and faceless. People also have the safety of being anonymous; the repercussions of lashing out at others are fewer and farther between. Frustrations that are socially unacceptable to release elsewhere, irl, can be diffused online. The fact that no one knows who you are also makes people quicker to defend themselves against anything they may perceive as a jab against them.

The collective annoyance is very high here. They should not crowd us all together like this. We need more open free space to be able to fully express our discontent. The problem is that we are being forced to be together through our own mind’s desire for activity, rather than to rest in wooded glades as we were meant to.

Probably the same reason it happens in real life.

The lack of body language and verbal clues really hampers communication.

And then for whatever reason, people seem to take digital words as being attacks on their soul and moral being, and display a level of outrage that is completely not appropriate.

The anonymity also plays a huge factor.

Lack of intonation really chaps my hide.

@psyla LOL!

Loser got it, the same reason it happens in real life, but real life has an out. We self-select ourselves into groupings of other people who are just like us by voting with our feet.

There is more conflict on line as it’s one big community, the chances of running into someone(s) who is nothing like you increases by some obnoxious percentage. Where there are differences, there will be conflict, which is rarely pleasant.

All the lurve in the universe won’t buy me a single tic tac, so why bother being nice for it.

@harmony/alexandria I don’t think the reason for being nice on fluther is to get lurve. Basic human kindness should be the reason for being nice.

These high levels of exasperation in this discussion are bearable, but our collective outrage with each other is escalating.

@chyna: I think most people on fluther are genuinely nice, not just interested in lurve. I think what @HarmonyAlexandria meant to say was that lurve wasn’t going to be enough of an incentive to keep her from stating her opinion instead of being “nice.”

We do it more online because it is not face to face. You can say what you want without the fear of getting your teeth knocked down your throat.

I don’t care how much any of you may protest, the majority of you ,myself included, have said things to people online you would never say in “real” life.

@HarmonyAlexandria…You troll like a dude…got anything you’d like to share with the collective?

Come on guys. The Internet Is Serious Business.

Edit: And gals. Must be correct :)

@chyna . Basic human kindness should be the reason for being nice

That is a value, and not universally shared. That’s another reason for conflict/misunderstanding. Why should/would I adopt or even respect someone else’s values? What do I get out of it?

Blanket reciprocity(I’ll be nice to you if you agree to be nice to me) only works with groups of people that are dependent on each other.

If people are not(mutually dependent) they are in competition,and being nice has a cost associated with it, why should I pay if I can just take what I want for free, it’s not like I need or even like the other.

Most websites don’t have a greed-credit system to pacify our chronic dissatisfaction. I guess we’re lucky that we have Lurve here. Because of it, I’m much more able to tolerate my own annoying comments.

@Blondesjon

The only one I see spouting off option is you darling, I can provide sources to back up my points, can you do the same?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocity_(social_psychology) overly simplistic but accurate.

http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/1/1/7/2/9/p117296_index.html
better, but more specific.

BTW, being invited to the lady’s Sunday church social just don’t qualify as social capital in my book, try again.

It seems the agitation with each other would go away if we were mutually dependent on each other, but in reality, dependence breeds contempt. It’s healthier to be independently agitated.

We’re almost at the crest of rage in this discussion, we need a few more hapless comments to fully relish our exasperation.

@HarmonyAlexandria…meh

Arguing with some twenty-something year old fella, passing himself off as a gal with a Thesaurus, doesn’t qualify as social capital in my book.

by the way, what do you win for being right?

@Blondesjon I have absolutely nothing so I replied with an insult

and you are really bad at it. You accuse me of being a guy, I’ve always said traditional wifey/mummy things are really bad impersonations of human beings.

@HarmonyAlexandria Your continual use of “darling” and other terms is condescending and disrespectful.

@HarmonyAlexandria…how about this one?

I remember being a newb just like you. I thought that I was hot shit and that my cleverness would make me an instant hit. When it didn’t, I got bitter and defensive.

I feel your pain.

i got over it

@HarmonyAlexandria – Being a wife or a mom is a bad thing? Maybe for you. I happen to be a mom, wife, homemaker, successful business owner, active community volunteer, child advocate, friend, sister and daughter. —before you try to peg me into one slot, I fit in a few.)

I’m just curious, is it your intent to argue with everyone? I really don’t see a lot to argue about. Exactly why are you so angry?

The topic of this discussion is making us more peeved with each other than usual.

Usually we manage just to be moderately peeved.

Well before this went off the rails… far, far into space I agree that another reason could be the greater diversity of personalities and values you encounter online. I was talking to my friend the other day about how our friends are all surprisingly similar to us, in values, socioeconomic class, education, and personality.

The majority of people we encounter real life already have a lot more common with ourselves by virtue of geography and function (people at your work for example will share a trade or lie in the same social sphere).

I don’t think I’ve ever really known someone that would carry a gun on their person, never mind consider it a necessity. That’s the beauty of this community though, the chance to engage with a spectrum of personalities, both beautiful and horrible.

[mod says:] Before this thread veers off topic too much, I would like to remind everyone to answer and discuss the title Q. All other side conversations, including animosities brought by previous threads should be resorted via PM. Thank you.

In answer to the question:

The inevitably empty need to be right.

“right” is a myth

Exasperation with others online sometimes attracts supervisory discipline but always ends in muteness and forgetfulness. As @Blondesjon said, it is reminiscent of the teachings of Lao Tzu, a great emptiness results where we are afforded the peace and rest from our chronic exasperation.

@Blondesjon yippy! I made it to a very bad person and a threat! (of the makings of such!) All in one evening. World domination is scheduled for tomorrow night. I probably should go kick someone or something, now.

@cak…perhaps you could rip the tags from some mattresses?

@Blondesjon – hey – warn SeventhSense…I may even buy 11 items in the express lane…not 10. Oh hell, ya! I must find some tag to rip off of mattresses! Must. Feed. My. Evil. Side!

When did this thread go off the deep end?

Actually, I do have another answer. I think when people form preconceived ideas about people, without truly getting to know someone, or at least trying to find out what someone is about, to assume you know them, harms the conversation. Clearly, right now, we are having a strong difference of opinion with another person on here. What never makes sense to me is trying to pass judgment on someone, without knowing them.

Online, we are afforded a certain level of freedom to express ourselves and not have to think, “should I really say that – out loud?” See, I guess that might be where I am different. I generally say what I am thinking. I won’t hold it in. that is good and bad. There is this freedom that some might take to a point where it is no longer productive conversation. It’s divisive, it’s destructive. It’s like a child having a tantrum.

We make choices, do we work around the tantrum, or do we play into the tantrum. I’ve done both. Depends on my mood. The other day, I was in a lively debate with a few people, but it ended politely and respectfully. I appreciated the time he took with me in the debate. I was on the verge of really losing it, but I took a breath and realized I was angry with this person, for no reason. I respect his differences and on some point, I learned something. For that, I am thankful.

@cak Very eloquent.

[mod says] Off topic remarks removed.

And so, our exasperation with each other, now exhausted, the discipline has been dispensed, the voices, now mute, and all is forgotten.

Online, we were able to express our true thoughts, without fear of reprisal. If we cannot bear to hear the true thoughts of others, why solicit them. Forums & discussions online are not for the thin-skinned.

Hey psyla, how about you ask your questions in simple English if you want an answer, instead of some Shakespearian prose you’ve jumbled up?

Fluther has rules. By participating here, you agree to the rules. If you don’t follow the rules, you’ll be moderated. It’s as simple as that. It really is. The “true thoughts” solicited in this thread were regarding the ease of ire when communicating digitally, and the moderated comments above were a side discussion about a certain user (furthermore, not addressing that issue at all). The comments broke the rule, the comments get deleted. 1=1.

There are plenty of other sites where anyone can spew all their precious words to the world. Such as 4chan.org (NSFW). But even THEY have standards and rules. You still CAN “express your true thoughts, without fear of reprisal” online, you just can’t do it on this website.

Why is this so hard to understand? Why do so many of you think that Fluther has to suddenly be exactly what you imagined it to be? Where exactly did you get the impression that you are allowed to say anything anywhere on this site?

I believe this extends to the actual question asked in this thread. I for one am exasperated with most online communications because a small percentage of newbies don’t seem to have respect for any new place they join or even just encounter. They barge in, set up shop, start spewing out all sorts of things without even taking one second to look at the rules or gain awareness of the site’s culture, and then take any kind-hearted feedback from moderators or other members as personal attacks to their heart and soul and lash out as if their core essence was being smothered ruthlessly. And then it happens again next month. And the week after that. And it continues endlessly.

@dynamicduo Can you dial it down a notch?
People aren’t necessarily breaking any rules
just because they’re not answering questions to your liking.

Even if a few people are,
it’s still not cool to lump all of them together.

And you seem a bit deluded if you really think
your criticisms have been entirely kind-hearted.

Because they can – they have fewer inhibitions and/or fears of retribution.