What is the best way to get over a loved one that leaves you?

Maybe some self-examination is in order to find out why you make choices that are ultimately bad for you.

very true, at times I think that I attract the heartless or maybe I just should not get to involved with long term, knowing noting last forever?

No, that’s not what I meant. Have you discussed this issue with a neutral trained person (ie. a therapist)?

No…... I have not but I really been considering it, I just have not really taken my issues to that extent! I often think that I’m just making a bigger deal than what it really is, yet I find my self not happy and deppresed!

If you broke your arm, would you have an Orthopedist set the bone? If you found you had diabetes, would you take insulin? Therapy (or my experience) was instructive, clarifying, interesting, fun, hard work and ultimately the most useful self-help technique I have tried.

Very true, most of the examples you used normally are covered by medical insurance. This type of therapy normally will require some type of extra charge! Unfortunately my last few years have been my worst, all the way around, and I’m working 90 days with my new job and make it to medical coverage! I normally go the help self route, but I been over analyzing everything, and just end up feeling like I’m going to drive my self crazy!! lol

@OLIVERSUDDAN73:It is unfortunately true that financial considerations make matters worse. Is there a Med. school near you? Often they have psychiatric clinics where you can get some help with very low rates. Psychiatric residents can treat.. with supervision.

When I started therapy, I told my Dr. what I had been brooding about all my adult life; he said that I was thinking in circles.

Thinking in circles? I think of it like living in a recurring nightmare!

It will take time. There is no “quick fix” for this but I suspect the issue here is learning to trust again. I would say the best idea is to see a pro. There are options out there, where you can get cheaper or free therapy, in fact even some websites do free counseling. I did some therapy with a counselor in training who I did not have to pay as she used me to clock up her “clinic time” I think they need a certain number of hours actually counseling a patient. She was remarkably good, just having someone to talk to (in person) helps, they can offer all sorts of opinions/ideas you may not have thought of…(which I suppose is the reason for asking the question here…)

I don’t know if this is good advice but… perhaps being single for a little while would be healing for you. You may find your soul mate some day, but you need to recover from the past 2 relationships first.

I second the therapy suggestion, if you can find someone who does payment plans for the un-insured. Sometimes we cannot look at ourselves objectively when strong emotions are involved. We are so involved with our own emotions, it’s like watching the TV from 1 inch away. We can make out all the little pixels, but we still miss major details around the edges of the big picture because our perspective is way too close. It helps to have someone with an unbiased perspective to clue us in from time to time.

to 3or4monsters – Totally agree – that is one of the biggest mistakes people make, jumping right into the next relationship, this doesn’t give you a chance to heal or learn about yourself.
You must learn about yourself and know who you really are before sharing yourself / life with someone else, if that makes sense…
..I am just trying to find the online counseling website I came across ages ago….

Thanks guys! I’m single currently and do not plan on commiting for a long while, if anything I have learned my lessons the hard way. Although being alone has been a rough transition, and I do feel even though I don’t judge people, that my way of thinking and vision has been affected by my negitive history! I try to be a positive as I can, but it is a little discuraging having to think what it will take to be able to trust again, Honestly I will probably never even with professional help, I’m just going to have to figure out a way to accept that people will always have secrets and rather lie than reveal to you their past, persent, or future. Learn how to control my emotions, and never put my self in a situation that will end up with horrible pain. I have a long way to go, to get where I want to be, but I am better than where I was.

You might want to give female relatives that know you, who you can talk to objectively about why you choose the wrong person? Pay attention to what those that know you say; people tend to make the same mistakes over and over again because they’re not paying attention to the lesson.

One reoccurring question here on Fluther has been the importance of instant sexual attraction in choosing a partner in a relationship. The trend seems to support the fact that, while important, it usually comes when the rest of the criteria is right. Spend some time thinking about characteristics of the women you’re attracted to, and if they’re important for a sustainable relationship.