What is the nicest most polite way to tell someone "fuck you"?

Totally depends on the situation. You use something that the situation presents to you. It probably can’t be planned in advance.

My brother once told me that I had a knack for saying “fuck you” in such a way that a person would walk away saying “thank you,” and not realize until long afterward what I’d said. I thought that was a great compliment even though I was never sure if it was true. Anyway, you’re right, it’s best done in the politest of language. Dear Abby always knew how.

Pardon me, but would you mind fucking off please?

@buster yeah…yeah, that’s very polite alright. so i amend the question to:

“What is the nicest most polite way to tell someone “fuck you” without using the word “fuck”?

(and truth is, i like the word “fuck”...i like writing it, saying it and even those of you who don’t like the word will have to admit you enjoy the act…so “you know what” to under-developed vocabularies!)

Here in the south, we say “Well, bless your little heart” in a saccharine voice. That means “fuck you”.

up here and coming from a guy, saying that would evoke a very different reaction than it must have down south. but, maybe i can work from that..thanks!

actually, might work on the net thanks to degree of anonymity…so, could work on fluther…

As us Irish would say, and you understand, it’s hard for us without the word “fuck”. We’d probably go for something simple like “Feck off you Fecking Gobsheen”.

Still too harsh?

Thou shalt fuckest off, english.

@syz
Dixie double talk.

That’s nice

Say it with a great southern drawl

yeah, that way you sound ignorant and condescending.

As @Jeruba says it depends greatly on the situation. The simplest way is to simply say “No, thank you” when offered something or when someone wants to do something for you. Even a phrase such as “How nice of you” or “Gee, how…thoughtful” can mean very much the opposite depending on how exactly you say it.

“Well, bless your little heart” is a southern way of saying it used mostly by women. The male equivalent might be anything that includes the term “little lady” when aimed at a female, or “That dog won’t hunt”, or simply “Nah, don’t think so.”

There is also the tried and true “Oh, look at the time. Gotta go!” especially if you cut the other person off in mid-word.

Finally, a blank stare followed by either “What?! No way, man” or “Did you say something?” generally gets the message across.

@eponymoushipster bless your heart..how’s about ignorant and full of yourself?

peace! peace!

“Have a nice day” when said in the right tone can go a long way toward fuck you. Or how about, “Thank you for sharing” or the simple, dismissiveness of “Whatever”?

No! No! No! Say it in Italian. You know, “FUNGOOL”

@avalmez thanks. but at least i’m not southern.

that’s how I say fuck off.

:)

@eponymoushipster see prior response..i luv you anyways dude/dudette and all in jest!

@avalmez no i know, it’s all good, just ribbing you. dude, btw.

@janbb i like “thank you for sharing”....will be very useful on this site!

A girl in college told me that she thought saying, “Whatever” was the same thing.

It equates to I don’t see your point and I don’t care.

I’m more likely to miss most of the above sentiments completely. I once said “Isn’t that sweet” and I was amazed when she took it as an insult and started flaming me all over the place. I really meant I thought it was sweet. Writing things online is difficult at best, and even worse when people try sarcasm.

I don’t use swear words of any kind, and I try to be straight with people. I would simply say “I don’t like (whatever), so stop it.

Could you please go fuck yourself? Thanks and have a great day! :D

I really think politeness is just not an option here. Fuck off is great. It’s clear cut, straight to the point, and usually very effective when said with the proper inflection!

has no one wondered if they should even say “fuck off” at all?

“Go away, please” works.

@avalmez
You said:
so nice and polite that the other party can not react because he/she can’t be certain what you meant

Huh? The whole point of saying fuck off is to be crystal clear. Maybe your problem is that you are having a problem drawing that line in the sand. Maybe when you can be clear about your boundaries then it will just be understood by the other party.
I’ll never forget a certain experience as a teacher I had. When learning classroom management I found that I could raise my voice and get nuts and that didn’t always work to get the kids settled down. But I found that once I was clear in my intentions and most importantly internally settled, a glance alone could settle a room. They were like obedient puppies. So, one doesn’t always have to say fuck off (in fact at times it can exacerbate the situation) to make someone back off. And sometimes taking two steps back is the solution. We forget that we can both yield and merge.

“Oh, go suck a toe.”

just say it

@avalmez
And some of the passive/agressive approaches mentioned here I totally disagree with. We have enough sarcasm, confusion and obfuscation in society already. Fuck off is strong and that’s the beauty of it, but should always be used as a last resort.
It’s the Liverpool punk that cuts through the London dandy’s bullshit.

well, bless all of your hearts and thank alll of you for sharing….much lurve on the way! nite all!

@avalmez
Fuck off

heh, heh…likewise…still some lurve coming here!

Surround your “mean” words with “nice” words. Excuse me please ma’am? Would you mind much at all going and fucking yourself? Just a suggestion. Have a nice day…Fucker.

@Jeruba I’ve been “accused” of the same thing. I’ve been told that I can tell people to go to Hell in a way that makes them look forward to the trip.

I really loved this one from Will & Grace (so yeah, I occasionally watch that :P):

“Could you close the door please? ... From the other side?”

There is no polite way to say “fuck you,” because the message itself is inherently impolite.

“I hope you die in a ditch”, “It’s hard to believe out of all those millions of sperm, you were the strongest”, “I’m done with you”, “You can get lost now” (I said this to a particularly annoying door-to-door salesman after he asked me “Are your parents home then?”. I was 35 at the time)

ok so im from new zealand and i have to say the best one i have ever heard came from a
older english fellow “Go get jumped on”
the first time i heard it i was like wat the f and he explained it all to me i think its rather well done

Could you kindly proceed in the opposite direction to which i am travelling and fornicate with yourself, thank you!

that should just about do it.

Heck…I am having cards printed that say fuck off and handing them out when appropritate

It really depends on the environment you have to be extremely tactful at work. Last week, as I as I arrived, my co-worker started with plenty of BS so I told her in the nicest possible way that I was not thinking at the moment that she needed to give me time to gather my thoughts if she did not mind. Please. Her face was RED.

well one day my friend came up and started talking to me, then our, like,arch enemy came up. So my friend started to fight with her. Then she said the oddest thing. “Go fuck someone your own size you big fat bitch!” We never talked to her again, all we got were glares.

ask them if they are any good at following directions, regardles of there answer say “here perhaps you could follow this one for me!

hand them a piece of paper with either ” go away”, “leave me alone” or any wording of your choice. then smile sweetly and walk off .

the sheer sarcasim in which you address the person should give a clear indication of what message u really wish them to hear.

if its in a workplace, avoid offensive language. also make sure u do smile sweetly or even a little giggle, if in the unlikey event that they take offence to it to the point of making a complaint you can always say it was just a joke.

Hi I am new to this, so far, extremely entertaining community. The answer to your quistion is :” Go thou whence thy came, I pray thee”.

well it is verry simple just say:
你他妈的混蛋
and walk away
=)
hope this helps

There’s just one way to do it fuck off is the word that arises in day to day life so what’s the big hold up have the confidence and just say it you’ll feel better believe me
I just said it now to my boss and felt great..

This what I came up with in response to a catty female on FB
” Excuse me please Madam Clitoris I don’t know you nor was I referring to you but since you were so polite and enlightening . Would you mind going and sucking on that patch of skin between a man’s scrotum and rectum? Just a suggestion. Have a nice day and Bless your heart”
Thanks to all of you for your help!

who are these people?

ive been waiting (insert length of time. here) to tell you what I think of you. How lucky for us both I’ve decided today is not the day to break my streak.

I read down through the responses and laughed at half of them. I just recently up and quit my job after 8 long years of dealing with crap. Here is how I did it to the devil bitch that was sucking my life dry in order to make herself shine.

“Dear HR – I would like to put in my two weeks notice starting on Monday”

Email back from boss – ” Ok, Thanks!”

“Dear HR – I would like to get my vacation time starting on Monday and that should cover my 2 weeks”

No Reply after that, walked in put my time sheet on the bosses desk, she was a devil bitch as always. Turned around walked out of her office and said “Fuck off Bitch”.

Now to me that is how you tell someone you are done putting up with there deceit, lies and BS. See you later, you can do my job!

I find it most useful to tell the person to insert their foot in their Glutious-maximous. It usually leaves them puzzled long enough for me to leave before they realized I said to put their foot in their ass. Their head works too if you’re not into feet….

I’m sort of enjoying this but I was just wanting to know how to say it TO some real authorities if they are wrong and ask wayy too much from a po business owner. I’m just afraid I’ll shoot myself in the foot with it. Can I get a serious understanding soul :) on here to advise without the “good one” zinger thing…?

I believe your company would be better appreciated elsewhere.

Ask them if they believe in Jesus. Start disseminating with the information that you can recall. Before you know it, they will go running.

Well, I once told my sister, who because she was several years older than I tended to be bossy, p.t.f.o. When she asked the meaning I kindly explained it meant, please to fuck off. She screamed, “Mother!” as if I gave a shit! Generally I’ve found that sarcasm is wasted on morons.

I like to ask them a bunch of random irritating questions until they get so mad they leave on their own. Or you know you could just come out and say it straight to their face if they cant take the hint

I once lost my head at work I will never forget it. I was standing outside enjoying a long drag off a Marlboro 100 trying to maintain my composure during a LONG MONDAY. That’s when my so called “supervisor” decided that she was going to follow me outside and continue on with her badgering. I don’t recall what she said that finally pushed me over the edge? However, I do remember the way my response started. I said “You are a Piss Poor example of a supervisor and your management skills SUCK!!” I followed that up with more but I can no longer remember what I said. I will say, I lost my job over it. 22+yrs ago and still worth it. J.Silver if you read this….. Kind Regards. That my version of the big F/U

Give them the middle finger. And look smug.

Copulate thyself!

I hope your day is as pleasant as you are!

Not usually a Bieber fan. But “you should go and love yourself” is admittedly pretty funny.