Do you have any experience (either personally or through someone else) with eating disorders?
My mother was anorexic (and I have reason to believe that she was also bullimic although she won’t admit it) for the first 20 years of my life and was constantly monitered by doctors. I was constantly monitered by my family because they were worried that I was going to “end up the same way”. I can’t lie, I have had times where I have been paranoid about my weight and have been very torn between wanting to keep an eye on my weight but not wanting to end up in the same state as my mum. This has lead me to feel guilty at times for eating even though I am hungry which means my body needs food at that time. My mum looks better now but my childhood memory of her is of a walking skeleton who constantly lied to everyone around her. I know she was very ill but I can’t help but feel like the fact that I am only happy when I am slim (although I am not underweight thankfully) is due to what she went through even though I HATED the way she looked. I’d love to hear from anyone else who have had similar experiences with eating disorders and how other peoples illnesses have affected them.
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You sound like you’re struggling. Doing well, but struggling with damaging thoughts.
I’ve known others with eating disorders and some of the things you said were very familiar.
Talk to a counselor, even if you never go down that road, it will help you sort out your feelings about your mom.
I dated a girl that was anorexic/bulimic, she had gone through a trauma in her life (death of her parents) and used her eating disorder to deal with her pain. I dated this girl for a while and went through nearly the whole process of developing the disorder, getting worse, getting better, relapsing, and finally recovering.
I can say this, it ruined her life, she forced everyone she loved or loved her away, and every year she spent in the eating disorder was a year that she never got back. I agree with @asmonet the fact that you are having these thoughts are enough reason for you to go talk to a counselor, they will help you learn ways of taking control of your life without resorting to starving yourself.
A niece of mine is bulimic, obese and binges on food when by herself. She she often calls into work sick in order to stay home while she eats & sleeps, purges & sleeps and then smokes herself into a stupor with weed.
Until recently my sister ran an inpatient unit for eatting disorders. It is notoriously difficult to treat especially because it is so often accompanied by other disorders, malnutrition which can affect brain chemistry, and already strained family situations.
I would advise anyone who has a loved one with an eatting disorder to seek counsel of some sort, even if it’s just one session. County social workers, pastors, and family doctors are ready to listen can make referals if necessary.
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