What do you think about expectations in a relationship? Have you ever felt like someones opinion of you has changed if you haven't met their expectations.

Well i know that my opinions of someone has changed because they didnt really live up to the high expectations i had. Its silly really to have expectations of someone because more often then not they are just way to high and no one can meet them, i learnt that the hard way!

No expectations = no problems.

I think the most important expectation of all, is being tolerant about individual peculiarities. Accepting your wife, your husband, your partner, your child, your relative, your friend the way they are as a person. We can’t change the character of a person. We must sometimes try to influence a particular behavior, if it’s got a significant impact on us. The best way to do this in my opinion (as is also the case when having conflicts) is by only using the pronoun ‘I’ and avoid the pronoun ‘you’ altogether.

Here’s an example (a woman telling her husband): ‘When I return home from a 3-day business trip and find the kitchen being full of dirty dishes, the kitchen smells bad and it really gives me a headache.’

Note: There no ‘you’ in the sentence.

I think it led to the demise of my first marriage. We had big plans and goals, and I failed to live up to her expectations of me.

@mattbrowne I avoid such language, too. Your wife, upon her return, said: “When I return home from a 3-day business trip and find the kitchen being full of dirty dishes…”

I’ve always been afraid of the kitchen being, and to avoid meeting it, I put the dishes in the dishwasher, and then put them away as quickly as possible. One time, when returning from a Vipasana conference, upon smoking some choice weed, I met the kitchen being – it wasn’t pleasant and left me scarred for life.

But I digress, relationships are vital to society, and although an ogre by choice, I agree with your question. So did Frank Zappa, but that didn’t help him much.

I think it’s partly unavoidable, thanks to hormones and giddy infatuation feelings. At that point in the relationship, your partner seems perfect, everything is rosy, you see big things happening in the future. It’s not until the hormones and infatuation die down that you begin to see reality a bit more clearly and it’s easier to spot your partner’s flaws.

I think the expectations thing is actually really key in whether a relationship succeeds or not. There are different stages in a relationship and many people don’t make it past the 6 month point, which is the point by which, usually, the rose-colored glasses have been removed.

@Zen
“Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall never be disappointed.”
Words I have tried to live my life by.

Everyone has expectations = everyone has problems

@VS Moi Aussi

@Zen – Yes, dishwashers are key for maintaining peace and stability in the house!

@mattbrowne What is the safest spot in the house for a man? Doing the dishes. Statistics show that no man has ever been killed while doing the dishes.

;-)

@Zen – And what is the most dangerous spot in the house for a man? The bathroom. Statistics show than most men have been caught squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube, or even worse, putting the tube back in the wrong place.

Flutheresses (is this the correct spelling for a female Flutherite?) I hope you realized that I’m just kidding.

@flutherwench is the correct term, @mattbrowne. Yes, the bathroom is the most dangerous place – but it’s the other way around. “Better put the shampoo cap back on fast, bitch!” Is what’s usually heard in my house. And my dog knows better now.

@Zen – :-)

@mattbrowne Gave you some lurve. :-)
(Hey, the chat was empty – hoped to catch you there. Off to do some shopping and then make dinner)

@Zen – I’m in the chat room now. See you later!