What's the best way to handle a situation in which you are blamed for someone else's actions?

I gotta tell ya, I can’t remember it ever happening to me. And I can’t remember a time when I blamed the wrong person to their face.

BUT, if it ever DID happen to me and I knew who actually did it, I would ask them to fess up.

I would tell the person that they are mistaken.

I would look for a calm moment to explain the facts to the person blaming me. It would eat away at me otherwise. I can’t stand injustice or unfairness.

Be calm, be logical, and explain politely what evidence you have that you are not responsible.

Also take firm steps to make sure nothing else the other person does can ever be blamed on you ever again. This is loosely referred to in technical terms as “CYA.”

False accusation is probably hard even for saints to bear. In most cases I would defend myself vigorously and offer any proof I had.

At work it can be a different story because of all the politics involved and because you must sustain working relationships with people you never actually chose as associates and possibly do not love.

One time that it happened to me at work, I learned two important things: (1) one of my colleagues was (is) a slacker and a liar; (2) there were times when my boss wasn’t going to stand up for me, even though she believed me and also the fourteen separate pieces of evidence that I supplied. CYA measures certainly did not suffice in that instance. I let it go but didn’t forget it.

I also didn’t know what kind of politics there were between her and V—, the other person’s manager, other than that V— was favored by their boss, and my manager, S—, wasn’t.

The second instance was a sharp difference that occurred between me and a different co-worker, in which I had done a requested markup (a heavy one) of a document and she got angry and declared that she didn’t have time to make all those changes. We exchanged some words. She then took the document and threw it across her cubicle, and I left. I immediately wrote a detailed account of the incident, as honest and objective as I was able to make it., including the exchange of words, and sent it to S—.

The co-worker, meanwhile, went straight to her manager and accused me of flinging the document across her cube. Wouldn’t you know, her manager also was V—.

S— and V— met. Neither would yield ground even though the colleague in question was known for her temper tantrums and irrational and accusing behavior (everyone could hear it, and everyone had been scathed by her at one time or another) and had been put on notice many times for it, and I was consistently praised for my professionalism and my ability to communicate well with anyone.

In the end S— came back and told me it was a stalemate because V— believed the word of my co-worker and would not hear otherwise. I already knew that S— was not going to go all the way out on a limb for me, even though she was normally a strong advocate. Now I learned (1) that reputation does not count for as much as I thought it did and (2) that V— probably had a very different view of me from S—‘s. I let it go and didn’t forget it.

Then one day S— was laid off without warning. V— is now my manager.

I keep my head down and try not to cause her any trouble, biding my time.

The third time, very recent, was a small but significant incident. Two members of my functional group were having a problem with an offshore team member. We agreed to inform her local mentor. Since I am usually the spokesperson for this group, I agreed to approach the mentor. She reacted very defensively and accused me (in a message copied to my group) of making baseless assumptions and jumping to conclusions. I gave my group members two deliberate opportunities to come forward with their proof that these were not baseless assumptions, but they remained silent. So I wrote privately to the mentor and told her that I was speaking on behalf of my group and that my group members had explicit evidence of their complaints.

Now I simply remember that two of my closest group members were willing to let me twist in the wind rather than speak up when challenged. From this I learned (1) not to trust them too far and (2) to avoid speaking on behalf of any group again in this present climate of risk, suspicion, and mistrust. Everyone is worried about their jobs, and no one is willing to be exposed.

In each case I came off poorly, but I learned something. I do not think I would have been better off with a major confrontation. The lessons were valuable. Time will tell if I gained points for putting the team ahead of personal vindication or if those are all now black marks on my record that will make the next accusation easier to believe.

I would NOT be okay by it and would stand up for myself and depending on who’s blaming me, I’d be angry as hell for someone thinking they can do that to me

Circumstances, ugh. Explain yourself, offer up proof as best you can for what you say maybe even suggest a way to look into the issue without too much defensive blame. After that, you hope your merit is what backs you up and how you act in the future.

I’d start doing the things of which I was accused. I’ve already got the blame; I want the fun, too!~~

@ru2bz46: (pretend I’m making tiny hard to read words that are supposed to mean whisper but to me, really mean, p___y) anyhoo, you start doing that in reaction to blame and bad things happen like affairs and stealing and murder and suicide.

@hungryhungryhortence The double tilde at the end was to denote twice as much sarcasm as a comment with only one tilde. The whisper was to let people know they could just gloss over it because it was not important enough to read. :-)

@ru2bz46: damned computer speak.

@hungryhungryhortence Yes, I kept having to tell people I was being sarcastic until someone told me the secret code they had decided upon when I wasn’t at the meeting.

And make sure there isn’t an arrangement to place the blame on you just because you seem to be the easier target. If you have a doubt, go on the offensive, present a list of reasons why it wouldn’t make sense for you to do what you’re accused of, and hammer it until you get an apology.

Oh, and I take it you’re talking about a real life problem, not online. If it happened online, just ignore it.

Tell the accuser the problem and piss on them if they don’t believe you.

That is tough! It’s almost like asking, “How do you handle it when someone is telling flat out lies about you.” IDK, go slowly, proceed with caution. And good luck.

@Jeruba you are SO right on the money. In this day and age, you are much more likely to get scr*wed at work because everyone is afraid to lose their job. Unless you have video and audio proof of an incident, no one will believe what you say whether or not you are a good person or have a stellar reputation. And NO ONE will stand up to defend you even if they were witnesses. This kind of cr*p happened all the time at the company I used to work for. It left me tattered. Some of the good people that I had worked with, even before the economy hit the skids, were involved in a lawsuit against the company because of safety violations that this group (the Magnificent 7) brought to light. They were all fired, but it was not labeled as a firing, it was called “going in another direction” and they replaced the whole lot of them. Because our state has an “at will” firing policy. They sued as a group, but because the M7 were all poor, they could not afford the quality (meaning: ability to use big bucks) of counsel that the company retained. So they all lost their jobs and then were blacklisted in the industry. Even though they were the victims and they did the “right” thing, there have been negative repercussions for all of them throughout their careers since then. And the company continued to treat people poorly and get away with it. I see no solution for this kind of problem. If you get accused of something you didn’t do, you’re likely to get scr*wed over.