Is it reasonable to tell a child of some bad thing that's happened to them that every year they live past the trauma will lessen it, that they can become stronger than that incident?

It depends on how old the child is, what the trauma is and what you say about it.

How would child not know what they’ve been through?

It depends on how the child handles things. People don’t break things down the same way. Where some may be able to start moving beyond the trauma, others hold on to it and fail to progress. It’s not reasonable really to assume anything, in my opinion. It’s such an individual response, you really never know, until you see how they handle the situation. (or don’t handle the situation.)

You can help the child, in many ways. Provide an outlet to discuss the trauma or the emotions attached to the trauma. Other play therapies are great – color, play-dough. Also, a licensed child therapist is a good path to take.

Don’t force the conversations, but reassure the child that they can talk to you. One thing I was taught, put something – like play-dough in a child’s hands and conversations can flow, without them really focusing on the conversation to the point where they won’t talk about things.

@Macaulay – I was young when my biological father was murdered. For a very long time, I couldn’t sleep without hearing the scream my mom let out when the police came to the door. I remember the rain, the words and the look on her face. Children remember things. Some may not, some do – very vividly.

You need to comfort them and tell them it will get better as many times as they need to hear it. Usually children survivors of trauma have a very hard time getting over it. I don’t think bringing it up once a year is enough, unless that is the anniversary of it.

@hungryhungry- can we have some details and clarification please?

what? the don’t like to celebrate their b-days?

@likeradar: think 5yr old molested child.

@hungryhungryhortence It sounds like some professional counseling is needed in the case you are presenting here.

@hungryhungryhortence – the child will probably need help to regain trust and lots of reassurance. It’s probably going to take a long time. It may manifest in many ways – lack of trust, overly affectionate, acting out in very inappropriate ways and rage – the list goes on and on.

It’s a tough road, but with lots of support, love and understanding this child can move forward. Just understand, it isn’t something that completely goes away – for most; however, it can get to a point where it’s not something that impacts daily life.

I’m sorry this child has gone through this, my best wishes to all involved in helping this child heal.

@hungryhungryhortence I agree with yarnlady completely. I have no idea what’s appropriate in that situation. I don’t know if telling a child that would be appropriate, damaging, or neutral. I hope this child is receiving help, and I hope the child’s caretakers are asking the professionals what is appropriate to say.

@YARNLADY
@Likeradar
I’m not presenting any case here, this is hypothetical. I’m asking if anyone thinks on their own power, without offering insult (flameboi) if telling a small child something similar to what I’ve stated in my question would be a positive.

@hungryhungryhortence – I don’t know that all children can really understand that, though. It could actually turn into the child thinking that they have to get over it fast and not talk about it. You have to be careful with children. Things that might make sense to us, doesn’t always sound the same to them.

If a child you love has experienced a traumatic situation, @hungryhungryhortence, please get the child in for counseling along with an adult the child loves to support her. I’m saying this as a survivor of some truly messed up stuff. No one took me to see anyone and I was expected to forget what happened to me. But I didn’t and I didn’t know how to keep from letting the repercussions of my traumas affect my life as a teen and adult. I’m only figuring it out now. While it’s better late than never, how much joy have I missed out on?

A therapist that specializes in helping little ones deal with trauma can tell you the best way to handle things if she becomes scared for seemingly no reason, or has nightmares or otherwise needs assurance. I wish I’d had it when I needed it.

I think revisiting old traumas is potentially very bad. No need to open old wounds. Repetition like that ensures that the child will hold on to that hurt and relive it annually.

Better to deal with the trauma and leave it I’m the past . It won’t be forgotten.

Oh, sure, you can tell kids lots of stuff. I like to tell them that a bunny dies every time they touch themselves.~~

@hungryhungryhortence The guidelines specifically state that hypothetical type questions are not welcome. Personally, I feel cheated when a question is presented as being about a real person and a real child only to be told it is hypothetical.