What should I do about my daughter?

How old is your daughter? My middle son went through a phase where he told me how awful he was all the time. I always explained that of course he isn’t a horrible person, everyone makes mistakes and everyone has trouble listening sometimes. Then I would hug him and tell him I knew he would do better next time. He usually did. Also, here is my sleep bible

How old is she?
Is she hearing from anyone that she’s horrible, or do you think she’s just realized it gets a good reaction?

Hit her. Operant conditioning….....

Tell her that she must not be that horrible because everyone loves her so much.

I like @SuperMouse‘s suggestion of just telling her that you know she can do better. Maybe try keeping time on how long she’s in her room. Every night, you can say, “Ok, last night you were in your room 4 minutes, now let’s see if you can stay a little longer!” Also, you could tell her that instead of leaving her room, try to write in her diary what she’s feeling and try to sleep again.

I went through a phase for several years where I’d sleep with my younger sister. I grew out of it. If it makes her feel safe and her siblings don’t mind, what’s the harm?

Shes 5. No she hasnt heard this from anyone if fact the opposite. I wouldnt mind if she wasnt keeping everyone else up. Thanks for the suggestions

Ask her what sleeping arrangements would work for her, and then try to arrange it. I always lie down with my 2 year old grandson until he falls asleep, and the if he wakes up and comes in my room, I go back in with him until he falls back to sleep. They need all the comfort and reinforcement they can get.

Go through your regular nightime routine. Tuck her in, say goodnight, and leave the room. When she comes out take her by the hand, lead her back to her room and put her back to bed. Do not talk to her, do not make eye contact. You may have to do it 100 times but it will work. Kids are not stupid. They know the right things to say to extend bedtime. You can not give up, or you lose any power as a parent. They learn whining and pouty faces make mommy under their control. I know it sounds harsh but it is important for a child to learn and respect rules. In the morning you can make a big deal out of how proud you are, what a big girl she is, etc. She will feel like she accomplished something positive.

@elijahsuicide…Thanks some good ideas and i agree with u

As for the sleeping question you might consider that most cultures do allow and encourage cosleeping. And before capitalism so did we. It encourages healthy attachments and feelings of safety. Also it has been studied and shown that when people sleep in the same room as one another they get better sleep.

I think that her wanting to sleep with someone is completely natural. I wouldn’t punish her for it and personally I would allow it. Now I know that is not your question. To get her to sleep on her own you could use rewards instead of punishments. I used this in counseling practices and it works well. Everytime she does sleep by herself (even if you had to remind her to in the middle of the night) she gets a reward, say .50cents or chocolate milk for breakfast (whatever you feel is appropriate). If this doesn’t work then you shape the behavior. This means that everytime she even comes close to sleeping on her own she gets a reward. Then you pull back and only give the reward if she does better. And eventually she only gets the reward if she sleeps alone with no one reminding her. It takes a bit of patience but usually works rather quickly. You just have to remember you can’t combine any form of punishment with the rewards.

In regards to the “naughty” comments I doubt she created this herself (of course anything is possible but those are quite odd words for such a young child to use). But naughty and horrible?? She has to had learned that from somewhere. TV. Maybe School/Day Care (you might want to do a school visit and see how the teachers are treating her, unless of course she isn’t in school/day care).

I would ask her where she heard that. I would also sit down with her and at eye level tell her that she is not naughty or horrible. That you love her very much. And that you would prefer her not to use those words to describer herself. It is important to promote self-confidence. Then ask her if she knows any nice words about herself. Tell her to use those instead. Even at five she should be able to engage in this, just at a simple level.

My sons and grandson were allowed to stay up until they fell asleep, and then I carried them into their beds.

more or less what Red just said.

Mine is 4, and when I did have that problem a few months ago (she’s not with me now as you may know), I made sleeping part of a daily ritual. She’d have her milk, brush her teeth, pee, etc and eventually get a bedtime story, which I always calculated so that it would be just before 10 (her bedtime). I tried to move that forward because I feel that at her age she should be sleeping earlier, and sometimes she’d wake up again because she wasn’t tired enough and come to my room. I’d just go through the whole ritual a second time when that happened.

Towards the end, I sometimes allowed her to sleep with me, first keeping a promise (one day we made a deal that she could have anything she wanted if she ate all her food and she asked to sleep with me that night), later it became her usual reward (she asked for that particular reward whenever she had that choice). Eventually I realised what Red said. She was 3.5 at the time, had been through a lot (and is going through even worse now), and just wanted to be with daddy. She wasn’t particularly scared or anything (she always sleeps in complete darkness) but just wanted to be with me, felt safer that way. After what happened, I regret I didn’t indulge her even more.

Just a silly suggestion, but perhaps try buying her a teddy bear – or some sort of stuffed animal/character to sleep with? Also, try using a night-light?

I remember when I was really young I used to sleep with my mom. I started sleeping alone when I took a pillow from her room that I would always sleep with. I slept with that for years and it worked wonders =D.

@Disc2021 she’s got about 10 stuffed animals in her bed and two night lights.

@jessicar Hmm… beats me then!

I surely wouldn’t scold her – have you considered the thought of having her share a room with one of her siblings? If that’s out of the question, I guess putting your foot down is the latter.

Well, shoot! Let her sleep with you! I don’t understand why that’s such an issue for some people….there will come a time when they won’t want to any more. They’ll be too “big” in their own minds. Why must she sleep by herself, anyway?

@Dutchess12 sleeping makes for a very poor night’s sleep for the both of us. That kid is everywhere! He begins the night right next to me and throughout the evening I smacked in multiple times in the head, kicked, and knocked into. I co-slept with all of my kids at some point, but when they are older it gets to be very difficult.

Our 3 yr old climbs into our bed most nights. Some nights it’s annoying, some nights it’s very sweet and adorable. I’m fine with it. For now anyway, LOL.

@Dutchess12 Some decide there to old and some dont. I have a sister in law that slept with her mom tell she went to college. Also if I let her sleep in my bed the other two dont think its fair and want to also. Theres not enough room for all of us expecially when elbows are being throw in there sleep.

@jessicar :) Been there, done that! Well, good luck…I hope you find a solution…

We have had a similar situation in our house. When my youngest was about your daughter’s age, my wife would lie down with her in our bed. When daughter fell asleep, wifey would get back up (or not…). I would end up carrying daughter across the hall to her bedroom, still asleep, when it was time for me to turn in. When her 6th birthday was approaching, we talked about how 6 was a “big girl” and that one of the things a “big girl“did would be to sleep in her own bed. On her birthday, she went to bed in her own room. Bed time stories helped, and as she got older, she would read to me. Now, four years later, she generally goes to sleep on time in her own room. On occasion she makes arrangements with Mom to spend some time reading together at bedtime.