What was it like to feel so important?

I like this question, not because it gives one a chance to talk about themselves, but because it is cause for, and pause for reflection. Let me soul search, and get back to you. I haven’t felt very ‘important’, except maybe to my kids.

In fact, even when I had a radio show, and did some interseting things and a few good interviews, I always felt more honoured by the interviewees’ presense and time, not the other way round. I never reached any kind of ‘celebrity’ status, but then, I prefer doing stuff behind the scenes.

I think on fluther I am somewhat different from how I am in real life, in that here I ‘chat’ a lot, and say whatever I want (most of the time.) IRL, I don’t always say everything I want to all the time, to everyone I meet and greet. You know how it is… right?

In the eyes of my girlfriend I was important. I miss that.

@Zen My problem is that I always say what I think, all the time. It’s not always appreciated.

My babe makes me feel important, c’est tout.

It is a problem, because you think it’s a problem.
Oh, and cause people don’t want to hear that they’re fat, stupid and smelly.

There’s a comic who I saw once, who does this skit where he yells and swears and tells everyone exactly what he thinks of them… (inside) ... then he says what he actually tell them… for real.

:-)

Do you want to feel important (validated by others) or do you want to be valued (based on what you accomplish and self validated)?

For me, feeling important was the surprise of being given public recognition for doing what I wanted to do, and without any thought of anybody ever noticing. I received a service award for my work in the Emergency Foster Care Program, many years ago.

Once a month I go around to outstations and give the dogs ivermec. I do this at my own expense because it makes life better for the dogs and it also helps prevent the spread of scabies among the kids who play with them. I don’t know that it makes me “feel” important but I do feel as if I am “doing” something important.

I had many instances in my life when I felt important but many of them usually have to do with teaching those younger than myself….so any time I trained new peer educators or tutored high schools kids to do better on the SATs or when I taught civil rights to 7th graders…I always felt important when I wrote up the lesson plans…

My first few years of college, that’s when I felt most important and empowered by the recognition I received from teachers for my writing, paid campus tutoring and recommendations for outside workshops. It’s in college I met my future husband and business partner with the connivance of one of our teachers, those were head swelling years full of potential. We all know what you can do with potential, right?

I’ve felt loved. I’ve felt needed. I’ve felt valued. I’ve felt empowered. I’ve felt accomplished. I’ve been in the right place at the right time to do the right thing to affect someone’s life in a way that was meaningful to them. But I can’t say that I’ve felt important.

Even if I’ve never felt important, there should at least be a time when I felt more important than any other time of my life. But I don’t know where to start because I’m having a hard time pinpointing that feeling in general.

When my twins were born. They were a little premature and looked so helpless. Of course from their point of view their mother was even more important (I want food and I want it now), but I felt that as a father I was very important too. And I’ve felt that way for the past almost 20 years. Of course, I’m less important now for them. Which is normal when kids grow up.

The day my SO sat down with me and specifically pointed out each and every way that I have changed him, for the better, I felt important. The way he described what a miserable waste he would’ve inevitably become without my encouragement, love, support, and high standard made me feel as though the tireless effort I’ve exerted into our relationship was actually worth it… like it made a difference. It made me feel as though I truly mattered to him, that his life would be different without me.

This…. this is a good feeling.

@Sloane2024 Side: My s/o once wrote down, in two matchboxes, very creatively, my positive and negative traits. Likes, dislikes.

To this day, I am slightly ambivalent towards the whole thing. Though we are together (on and off, currently on); I don’t know that I want anyone telling me exactly how they feel about me – in writing.

And I’m not sure it isn’t some kind of valuable lesson either. As I said, unsure.

On the other hand, what does it say about her?

@Zen: Did she do this spontaneously? Or had the topic arisen before?

I think that if her acts of honesty were random and unexpected, she probably possessed some deep feelings and thoughts about you she was afraid to share in any other form, other than one that seemed constructively critical.

Many years ago, I produced a fundraiser for a friend of mine who had a sudden aneurysm. There were about 20 acts, playing 30 to 40 minute sets, and I got to fill in while the equipment was being changed out. I felt fulfilled about what I had achieved, and felt important because I was the one who made the whole show tick!

For a while I held a key position in a national organization. I was a very prominent member of the inner circle. My name was known to thousands. I was held in high regard and had the ear of those who ran the organization. Within the organization I was a celebrity.

At no time did I feel “important” in the sense that I think you mean. I never felt like hot stuff. I never felt as if I could look down on anyone. I was never impressed with my influence or the significance of my role.

Holding that position essentially meant four things to me:

1. I had made a very large commitment, and what concerned me most was the amount of responsibility I had.

2. I knew that decisions I made could affect other people to a considerable degree, probably as much as or more than when I was a manager in a business setting. I took that very seriously.

3. People I didn’t know wanted my attention a lot. I didn’t really like that part very much. I hated having people act as if they were excited just to talk to me or as if I owed them something extra because of who I was. From this relatively trivial experience I think I learned something about why celebrities like to hang out with other celebrities.

4. Some people were inclined to attach extraordinary significance to things I said and did. That meant I had to be careful and think about what I said to whom about what. I couldn’t just behave like an ordinary person. My gestures were magnified like those of an actor in closeup on the big screen.

I was fine with points 1 and 2, and I loved the work and was good at it, but points 3 and 4 made me very uncomfortable much of the time, especially in public situations. I was glad enough when it was over.