Do you use attractivness, or let yourself be influenced by attractiveness in interpersonal relationships?
I’m not at all sure how to ask this question. What I find is that when I’m talking to a beautiful woman, especially a flirtatious one, I try to catch them doing things that take advantage of their attractiveness. Sometimes they might play on my sympathy in order to get me to do something they should do. I might do it, just to be able to spend more time in their company.
I’m sure good-looking people are aware of their impact on others, and might use it deliberately to get what they want. Those of us on the receiving end, might be aware of this, and try to identify these subconscious efforts to persuade us.
In business settings, I try very hard not to be influenced, and I call people on it when I think it’s happening. Usually in a joking way. However, I’m always checking with myself to make sure I’m being motivated by relevant reasons for acting, not irrelevant ones.
What’s your experience with this? Are you even aware of it? Do you see when people are trying to get something from you, or have you tried to use it to get something from someone else? How have you done this? Would you describe the situation?
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30 Answers
yes, both
come on, let’s face it, we’re just humans after all, and the art of seduction is what flirting is really all about. Of course external looks are not everything, and people who are not generally as pretty try to make up for it otherwise. I try to be witty, because I have found that women tend to like this, but I’m generally myself. And yes, I’m sometimes suspicious of flirty sexy girls, but I can’t help liking them nonetheless.
On a base level attractiveness impacts our perception but since perception and beauty are subjective things, we need to make sure these variables don’t cloud our judgment if we are to make rational decisions.
In the jobs I’ve worked at, NEVER. Either way (i.e. nor do people relating to me). For those that TRY TO, they’re usually called out about it from a member of the same sex. There’s a time and place to use attractiveness and work isn’t it.
I WILL, however, use my personality, wit and interpersonal skills to get what I want at work. They work VERY well. My daughter will tell you, I usually get what I want so I must be doing something right.
When I go to the bakery and I want the girl to give me more cookies, THEN I use attractiveness. When I play football, I use my athletic skills (both of them), And when I’m at work, I’ll use my interpersonal skills only.
I don’t use looks or whatever to get what I want from others. Frankly, I wouldn’t know how. But, if I reflect, I’m sure I’ve been extra helpful to men I’ve found attractive. I think I’m even more helpful to people who are just very friendly to me in general, regardless of looks.
I tend to have more fun around people who are comfortable about how they look and people who smile a lot. Smiles can be contagious and everyone seems to gravitate to the person that has the most confidence. I talk longer to these people because they are a pleasure to be around.
I’m not gonnna lie- this is so true and I am definitely guilty. But having said that it’s not only attractiveness that can persuade someone to do something. I find confidence is just as useful. People that others find unattractive I find myself gravitating towards and often doing things for just because to me their confidence in themselves translates into attractiveness…. if that makes any sense.
Sure I use my looks. I don’t see a problem with it unless it’s hurtful to others. But, of course, I don’t rely solely on my looks.
I’ve never tried to use my looks to persuade someone to perform a particular task for me, nor do I intend to. The very though of it just feels so wrong. Who am I to take advantage of the natural laws of human attraction? If it’s a person who is physically inferior to you, why intimidate them even more? I remember the days when I was the “awkward” kid… Chubbier than all of my friends, clumsy and uncoordinated… oh, the years before high school and when others chose to use their “superiority” over me, I truly believed that there was no other self-confidence killer as brutal as that one.
I’ve recently been made aware that one of the ladies that work in the admin office of the clinic where i work is… “smitten” with me (to be fair I’ve never encouraged it… i am happily engaged) and seems to do me special favors… she brings me food on occasion and warns me about shift rotations.. small things like that… but does it while talking about her husband and kids. I thought the food thing was just her being friendly but apparently she’s told the staff about certain fantasies and such that involve me. I’m saddened to think that the only reason she’s being nice is that she wants to have some sort of tryst. But I’m hopeful she’d be nice anyway if she weren’t attracted to me.
I’ve had women offer to do me favors lots of times and always thought it was because i’m a friendly person and offer to help people out when i can. It never occurred to me that it could be something else… which is why i posted here… a friend told me this week about how i seem to be taking advantage of the female nursing staff being attracted to me in order to get things done faster. I NEVER consciously considered that and would never use that to any advantage. My work and personality should speak for themselves and i resent being reduced to something so superficial.
end rant
I see no difference in using one’s beauty to attain goals, than in using one brains, wit, sympathy, etc. toward the same ends. Beauty is an asset just like everything else. Why wouldn’t someone who had it try to use it? Not all people are influenced by intelligence or assertiveness, nor will all people be influenced by beauty. I say use what you have. It will either work or it won’t.
Personally, I usually do not use my looks to get what I want, but I have, and I probably will again.
I like to look good, but I am kinda stupid when it comes “wimins wiles”. I have had a some guys offer pretty major assistance out of the blue, but I’ve always turned it down when I thought it was a function of attraction that was not reciprocal. It seems like I can of worms I wouldn’t want to open.
But I do doll my self up when ever I have to take something in to be repaired, but that’s just about greasing the wheels.
It’s not right and I have to work with myself but I do have an initial bias to most attractive people who approach me in a way I think they might want something from me. This could be interactions on the job or even a stranger approaching me in public. I have to remind myself not all attractive people are shallow, manipulative or inconstant. Like anyone, I have my own subjective view on what I deem as physically attractive and I like to look, like to admire, like to flirt, etc. but it’s very hard for me to trust a pretty face.
Bah! Unlike @hungryhungryhortence, I’m a sucker for a pretty face. When I look around at the women I hang around with most, they are almost all attractive. If they’re not, then they have a damn good personality to make up for it. At its base, of course it’s a sexual thing, but I have never been one to hit on many women, especially since I’ve been in one of a few steady relationships almost all of my adult life. I just feel happier when I’m surrounded by beauty.
Do I do things for them because of their beauty? Sure, but not if it will inconvenience me much. Again, because I’m not usually single, I know there will not be a “reward” for doing it.
On the occasion that I know someone is willing to do more for me because they are attracted, I tend to ask less of them because I hate to take advantage.
@ru2bz46 What is it like, having someone willing to do more for you because they are attracted? This is not something I can relate to.
I’m beginning to feel like one of the few less-than-beautiful people here.
@daloon Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure I’m at least as ugly as you, but it does happen on occasion. I’m also sure they are attracted to some other part of me that my looks.
Hell yes I do. I am one hot M.F. >;)
I used to all the time, when I had attractiveness. Especially when I was a bartender. Now I’m an old matronly hag.
@DREW_R : I’m afraid not. I have a striking resemblance to a water buffalo.
I used it when I had it, along with all the other things I could muster. One of the many jobs I had required the ability to put other people at ease, and one way was to appear as attractive to them as I could. I was an event/tour planner and it was my job to get people to do what I wanted.
@ubersiren Well even so you seem beautiful on the inside and that is the most important. ;)
It’s easy to poke fun, but the curse of extraordinary beauty weighs heavily on we who are afflicted with it.
@ratboy: Are beauty and intellect mutually exclusive? There is no way to parse your entry so that it comes out grammatical!
Why would you choose to put people up on a pedestal like that, simply based on their looks? I kind of feel sorry for people who do this.
I mean, if someone needs help with something or needs a favor that I’m capable of, I’ll help them. I don’t evaluate how attractive they are and then decide if I care about them enough. Attractive or unattractive, neither deserve special treatment.
If anything, I’m more likely to deny people who seem to think they can use seduction as a means of getting something from me.
@tnatwo14 I don’t decide whether to help or not based on appearance; I’ll help anybody. Where I am affected is when a request is made and I might have to make a tiny bit more of a sacrifice to do it. Good looks will give me that extra nudge to do the favor. I’m fine with that because it generally means that I get to be in the presense of beauty for a little longer. It’s like relaxing in the garden a few minutes longer before going inside.
When I am working, I am working. I do not use things to my advantage, I have worked very hard to get to the point in my life where I am. I really like being taken seriously and respected. I like knowing that I had to work to get everything I’ve earned (professionally) – I’m not about to resort using looks or flirting to get help or get something I need.
There truly is a time and place for everything. When I’m working, it’s not the time.
I say, use what your mama and papa gave ya.
I know girls who have gotten into £185 festivals, just by turning up at the gate and crying…
and I can certainly testify that a well-placed smile gets you miles ahead, when you’re waiting to be served at a busy bar… Being tall, dark and strange helps too =P
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