What are some ways that you benefited from a breakup?

Being single is better than being in a crappy relationship. If the other person is toxic (always putting you down, treating you poorly, never there, or something like that), it might build so slowly that you don’t notice the pain until it’s gone. And then you’re free! Like a butterfly!

It’s been like that with me. After they leave and take their poison with them, it’s like I get “me” back again. It’s like a rebirth.

I’m not miserable anymore.

It wasn’t until a (wonderful) relationship of mine ended a few years ago that I really learned how to make friends. Since I lived with my boyfriend during the craziness of grad school, I tended to spend my time only with him or my books. It wasn’t ideal, but it was easy and it made me happy. I didn’t even realize that I was completely missing an entire aspect of life—having strong and reliable friends other than him.

I now feel that I’ve refined my friend-making skills (it really is sort of a skill, I think), and I am much happier for it. I worry that I might never have done this if I had stayed with my boyfriend at that time.

That said, I am still in love with him. I think it would be beautiful to be together with him now that I have developed this new strength. I think it would be better for our relationship, too.

got married again after divorce—the ultimate breakup and had three kids. the ultimate gift.

Like @laureth , after ending a less than great relationship, I was able to figure out who I am again. Once I realized I like me a whole lot more when I’m not with him, I realized I should have broken up with him a long time ago or never gotten involved in the first place.

I rebounded with my now husband, and we made the most beautiful child. As much as it hurt back then, the pain was definitely worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing, because I might not have my son or my awesome husband.

The best thing for me apart from removing a negative energy from my life, was remembering who I was. She diluted me in a bad way.

I realized I enjoy living alone. My life has always centered around taking care of someone else’s needs at the expense of my own. Though I am still paying most of her bills, it’s just a mechanical act. I am free to do what I want. Of course, I’ll probably get tired of being alone after a while and end up married again, but I now know that I need to take of myself, too.

I had some time to “find myself” again.

I found myself, again! I don’t think I ever realized how much of myself I had truly given up. I gave up, he didn’t take away, but I gave up. I found voice, my backbone and my independence. I found my strength and became a better mother, sister, daughter and friend. I became a much better friend to myself, as well.

Now, in my second marriage, I am a stronger woman and have learned how to be a part of a marriage, without surrendering myself to my husband – meaning leaving all of me behind. I am much happier in this marriage, I feel part of it, not given up to it – big difference!

I see a pattern here… :)

@aviona Yes, I think we all do. Great question!

I got lost in the relationship at some point. I was dumped, but aqfter some time past I figured out an important thing – that a relationship shouldn’t make you feel swallowed up. Now I’m with someone who I feel like a whole person with

@aviona and @ru2bz46 – I like being a part of this pattern!

@aviona – great question!

I had a boyfriend for several months in college that I was madly in love with. I fell for him in a big way, didn’t hold anything back. When he broke up with me, I was completely blindsided, hadn’t seen it coming at all. We went to different schools, and he lived a few hours away from me when we weren’t at school. It was rough, but I quickly realised he was pretty much an asshole. Everything was an ego trip to him, and I started to be grateful I knew that about him sooner rather than later.

So, a few months after the breakup I graduated from college and my best friend suggested I move to Connecticut with her. I did, and two weeks later I met my husband. Thank God that jerk dumped me, or I wouldn’t have moved halfway across the country to meet someone far better for me. I wouldn’t have had the three amazing children that I have. Sometimes the best thing about a breakup is not only learning that you deserve better, but moving on to find what you deserve.

In fact, like I related in this question a few minutes ago, at the end of my first marriage, I got my best friend back.

I saved a bunch of money by switching to Single.

@kevbo AMEN!!!

Echoing many of the sentiments above…

1. Single nikipedia is open to a lot more than coupled-nikipedia. I started running again, joined my department’s softball team, and rarely turn down an invitation to try something new, even if it sounds like it might suck. It’s easier to drag myself to something unknown than to drag self + boyfriend.

2. I know that all of my opinions and values are truly my own. I think we often subconsciously (or maybe on purpose, I don’t know) tailor ourselves to be a better fit to our partner.

3. I can work on the weekends without any guilt. I love the project I’m working on and am so happy that I can devote free time to it. Every historical boyfriend I’ve had would have given me shit for it, even though this makes me happy and has the potential to do huge things for my career.

4. I’m a first year student in a five year program—I think I’ve made far more of an effort to get to know people, especially the older students, than the paired-off members of our class.

5. I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s annoying feelings. I know that’s harsh. But like. My last boyfriend would get upset about the dumbest things, and I couldn’t just say like, your feelings are stupid, don’t bother me with them.

Getting dumped led me to meeting the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with, three months later.

I’m thinking of the one where I broke it off: It was like losing 180 lbs. He was such a sad sack and totally dependent on me to take care of him emotionally. It was draining. You know how most people feel awful about a breakup even if they initiated it? This one? Didn’t miss a step. Did not lose a moment’s rest. That’s how I knew I’d been with him for too long.

I’m sure he got over it soon enough, though he was shocked when it finally happened.

My fiance(e?) broke up with me in a terrible way when I was in my late teens. He was the first guy I’d been in love with, and I would have died for him (it was that crazy, irrational, kind of love). I was completely devastated for many months. It didn’t help that I was used to being the ‘breaker’, not the ‘breakee’, so it was kind of a double blow. I gained so much from the experience. Hindsight really is 20/20!

A) He was a ‘bad boy’. In and out of Juvenile Detention, lots of drugs, carried a knife and sometimes a gun. Thank God I didn’t marry him!

B) I realized that the pain will go away, and I will love someone else again. I met and married my first husband. We were married for 17 years, and we had three wonderful children.

C) After we ^ separated, I met and married my soul mate. Four years and going strong.

D) It changed me, in a way that I thought wasn’t good at the time. I lost my confidence for a while there. As I said, I was used to breaking up with guys… and I was quite cavalier about it. I really had no concern for anyone other than myself. It was very humbling to be on the other end of that. I’ve come to realize that it wasn’t confidence that I lost, it was arrogance. That, I think, is a good thing. :)

I had two major break ups. I think the first time I tried for too long to make it work. Then I got to a point where I was reassessing what was important to me and what I did and didn’t want in my life. It just took me too long to leave. I agonized over it for too long and then felt a lot better instantly when I finally left.

The second time I had a lot clearer I idea of when things were over and what I could and couldn’t live with. I got better at sizing up a situation quickly and don’t second guess major life decisions much anymore.

And yes I found a much better relationship that works in a lot of ways that the previous two didn’t -even at their best. This one’s been going longer and stronger than the last two combined.

The one thing, and pretty much the only significant thing that I learned, is that I could survive the pain. I hadn’t known that before. I had never imagined what it could feel like (good thing that), nor how it would make me feel. However, once I started another relationship, I realized I had survived, and that is knowledge I can keep with me forever.

Of course, it took the bloom off love for me. I never fell quite as hard after that. How could I? I had knowledge of what could happen. It wasn’t that I was holding anything back. Not at all. Just that I knew the pain that could happen, and that I could survive it. I think that knowledge allowed me to keep a little bit of myself. Ironically, it allowed me to fall in love more, because I knew that if it ended, I’d survive. But it also lessened the all-consuming nature of love, because I knew it could not destroy me.