How would you tell your significant other you had an STD?

well this will keep on bothering you so no better time than now
you just have to sit him down and do it
be prepared for a negative response as this is generally something one expects to hear prior to having sexual relations, though
good luck

You are a few weeks late telling. But you need to tell. Be prepared for a negative response. But it is the right thing to do.

I have HPV, the cervical cancer causing kind… I’ve always told men before I slept with them. I felt that someone hadn’t told me at some point, and I didn’t ever want to make that decision for someone else. You should have been upfront.
I agree with @johnpowell I wouldn’t expect him to be grateful or anything, he might be pretty pissed.
You have to tell him, it’s not right to hide such a thing. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you’ll have to have complete honesty.

I had HPV too, same kind as Casheroo (it’s gone now) and my doc described it as “the common cold of STDs.” Many, many, many people have it or have had it.

I always told people about it before sleeping with them, even with a condom. It’s just the right thing to do even with something common, IMHO.

I used to always (ok, I’m not a saint. Almost always) have the STD conversation before sleeping with someone new… and I just casually say “by the way, I have HPV” and tell them what it is. Someone who freaks about it isn’t worth it. The “worst” reaction I ever got was a guy who was worried and googled it, and insisted on wearing a condom, which is what I do anyway. No biggie.

You HAVE TO tell him though. After-the fact, it will be harder. I’d be upset at that part of the situation, not the HPV part.

@johnpowell – exactly.

@Jane Ann Deaux – I can’t pretend to understand how difficult it would be to have to tell someone that kind of information, but truly, you should have already had this conversation. Protection or not, you took a risk with him and didn’t give him a chance to make an informed decision. That’s not a very good way to start this part of a relationship. You probably need to be fully prepared for him to not trust you and therefore, not be able to proceed with the relationship. You have to be completely up front about this, it’s not something you can wait on sharing with your partner. Basically, it puts you in a position of not being trustworthy – that will probably be bigger than the HPV issue.

Quite frankly if someone told me this AFTER we’d already had sex, I’d find it very hard to stay with that person. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t take it too well. I would lose a lot of respect and trust for someone who wasn’t upfront with me from the beginning.

@Likeradar mine is “gone” too, i’m not dating anymore (obviously cause i’m married) but when i was dating, it was active dysplasia…so, since yours in “gone” do you still tell people? i’m just curious, because i know it’s still able to spread even if not active. i never had to deal with that though

@casheroo Nope, I stopped telling people before sex. I asked the dr if I should still tell partners, and she says it’s a non-issue now. Of course, people I’ve been close to know, just because I’m an over-sharer. :)

Okay, so besides the fact that obviously I’m an aweful person and chicken shit, do you think there’s a chance he’d still accept me?

What would you do, assuming you care about the person.

@Jane_Ann_Deaux
I’d forgive them – I know that this is a hard thing for some to share…and I’d get myself and themselves checked, again…it would also depend on how involved we are and what I see in their eyes…

@Jane_Ann_Deaux First, no one said you’re an awful person. You just made a stupid decision. Sigh.

Second, if someone told me after the fact that they have an STD or STI, I would re-think my relationship. This would say something about the person’s character and how much he values both honesty and my health.

“Hey, I have an STD.”

You are not an awful person—this is a tough subject and a good learning experience.

Something very important to know about hpv, which it sounds like you’re not aware of, is that it can be transmitted despite condom usage.

Another important thing to know is that many more people have it than know they have it. You are ahead of the curve for knowing and for caring about being responsible, and that’s something to be proud of.

I realize I should have told him before we started sleeping together, and dang it, he’s the first guy I’ve dated in years (like four).

I really care about him, and I should have had his best interest as much top priority, and I obviously didn’t.

I’m just scared this could potentially ruin what could be a serious relationship. But I guess if it does, it wasn’t meant to be a significant part of my life.

“Lover, there’s something I have to tell you that I should have told you before. I feel so bad now about what I have done, and I want to apologize to you, and tell you what happened.

I like you so much, and I liked you before, but I was so afraid of losing you (I’ve lost others before) that my need and love got the better of me, and I didn’t tell you when I should have. I don’t blame you if you don’t trust me, now, and if you want to leave me, but try to remember the good parts.

(He’ll be wondering what the hell you’re on about by now, and just waiting for you to tell him).

I have HPV, and that is contagioius. That’s why I insisted that we use condoms. I wanted you so badly, though, that my senses left me. Now I’m trying to put it right.

I know this is a big deal. Maybe you need to think about it. If you need space, I’ll give it to you. But please talk to me. Ask me questions. I wish I hadn’t done this, but I did, and now I’ll do anything to make it right.

@daloon – Lover? Ack…that’s in that category with lovemaking! (words)!

@Jane Ann Deaux – Cut to the chase and tell him. Let him know that you need to talk, seriously talk, before you get in bed, again. Even before you do anything, again. You know what you need to say and you know what you need to acknowledge, that you really should have told him before you ever slept with him in the first place. Then, let him talk, let him react. He’s going to ask questions, probably say some not very pleasant things. Most important, you really do owe him an apology, but I think you understand that, just like I know you understand how serious this is.

If it were me, I would be very upset. My husband and I were just talking about this – his point of view, he would be very angry and said he would have a hard time trusting the person. I feel the same and without trust, there isn’t a lot more that can happen. He and I are very open about things, always have been. It’s not always easy, but it’s important. We’ve shared a lot of things that would break up other people, but that’s what we do, we are open and upfront with each other.

No one is saying you are an awful person, you make a mistake, a big one – but don’t we all at some point in time? The only thing you can do, is clear the air, tell the truth and answer his questions. It may or may not be the end, but if it is – you have learned a very hard lesson.

I really do wish you well. Just try to be upfront, for now on. Good luck.

@cak I should have put that [lover] in brackets. I really meant her to use his name there. I totally agree with you about “lover” as a term of endearment, although I do not have a problem with “lovemaking” as a word to describe… well, I don’t know what you would call it, and you’d probably laugh at anything I do say. Young whippersnapper!

@daloon – it just screams cheesy romance novel! (lovemaking…and lover, I’ll let you off the hook on that one, though!) I just thought about it. I don’t think I really call it anything. Weird.

A nice little poem.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have HPV
But it won’t hurt you

@bob_
i didn’t know that
and we’ve been friends, lol

@Simone_De_Beauvoir :P

personally if it was me I would be pretty pissed off. Especially after reading this

For those who choose to be sexually active, condoms may lower the risk of HPV, if used all the time and the right way. Condoms may also lower the risk of developing HPV-related diseases, such as genital warts and cervical cancer. But HPV can infect areas that are not covered by a condom—so condoms may not fully protect against HPV. So the only sure way to prevent HPV is to avoid all sexual activity.
Link here

So you are still putting him at risk and you should def tell him so he can make up his own mind if he wants to keep taking a risk like that. I don’t think theres any way you could put it that is better or worse than the other way.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much at this point.
The reason I wouldn’t worry too much, is he or any other male you sleep with, may also have HPV, but since there is no accurate way to tell if a male has it, women are automatically at a disadvantage.
I am not a doctor, but my view on HPV, is that it is a great way to scare parents into getting their little girls vaccinated with a relatively unkown vaccine.

I also have HPV. It came as a total shock to me. I found out after having been MARRIED for a year, after having a child- I had regular pap tests and it was never found before then. I never slept around on my husband and before I met him it had been a year since I’d had a sexual relationship. I was dumbfounded. But I had to tell him. My husband and father of my child. I am a lucky woman because he barely even flinched and said that it was ok. We’ve never had signs of warts, but I still feel like a filthy ho every time I think about it.

You are in an extremely difficult position. I think you should tell him how you feel first. You’re afraid of losing him, you feel terrible, then- “Honey, I’ve got an hpv.” Then give him the good news. If you’ve caught it early, you can get treatments which can greatly decrease signs and symptoms and with time and proper diet and immune system boosters, you can decrease and get rid of the virus itself (or so my obgyn tells me). Apparently, it can go away. Just keep clean, safe, and take care of yourself. That’s all you can do. He may get really pissed and need some time to think, so be prepared for that. It’s ultimately your mistake, so… just prepare yourself for the worst- he might surprise you.

@ubersiren – What a great answer; and excellent advice to boot. I wish I could GA you twice (at least).

you have to tell him straight up before he gets STD and he will be mad trust me

@Jane_Ann_Deaux I’m wondering if you have an update on how you both handled this?