Is "don't talk to strangers" good advice for children?

I was taught not to approach strangers out of friendliness or otherwise, but if I was in SERIOUS help, then it would be a good idea, esp. if I couldn’t call 911.

Children have a tough time with ambiguity when they are young. I think it’s best to teach them when they are REALLY young to stay away from strangers…when they are that young, it’s highly unlikely they’d be out on their own!

However, when they are a older and are out playing unsupervised (which is normal, I used to bike everywhere by myself, no cell phone), then you can modify the stranger rule.

Unless you also teach them about the possible consequences, it is ineffective.

Demetri Martin once said ” ‘Don’t talk to strangers’ is great advice if you never want to meet anyone new, ever”. However he is a comedian.

For children, yes not talking to strange adults is sage advice and can’t be repeated enough.

I’m not sure if just saying no to strangers is enough. I always tell my daughter not to go off with anyone, even if she knows them. When I was younger a friends mum took me back to her house after school without telling my mum, and as you can probably guess my mum went ballistic because she didn’t know where I was. I’d hate that feeling so my daughter has been told not to talk to unknown adults, or even go off with people she knows.

I would teach my child not to engage strangers in conversation and make only polite small talk if they’re engaged by a stranger but in the presence of someone they know and feel safe with. As a child, I was prepped ahead of time anytime I went out with my family as to who we were going to see and what I was allowed to talk about and the reasons why. As young as 4yrs old, I knew to trust my grandparents to tell me who was safe to be around, even in our own relations. The truth about people isn’t always nice but the safety of children is more important than sugar coated social banter.

Here is a good way to explain the matter. I think it is important to note that I am 14 years old.

Explain the consequences say like this example:

you are waiting for your mom to pick you up after soccer practice, you are approached by a stranger saying, “hey, your mom told me to take you home because she had to go to the hospital for an emergency”.

In this example, its pure BULLSHIT.

In a nutshell, do not listen to Stranger’s commands, don’t let them talk to you about what they do, do not talk about _your_self. But it is acceptable to ask a stranger a plain question such as what time it is, or if your in some kind of event, ask “whats going on?”.
But then again, not ask “How do you get to this ”place here” because he can simply give you directions to his own house.

I think being lost in the woods is an extreme example and it’s unfortunate the boy took the advice the way he did. My gut tells me that most kids that are lost in the wilderness would probably seek help if they see adults around. It makes me wonder if his parents drilled that fear into him (i.e. “don’t talk to strangers, they may steal you.”).

I think it’s still good advice on a day-to-day basis. My little sister lives in a small village that has kind of a relaxed atmosphere, in that the residents know one another, the kids and adults know each other, etc. My main worry was that a tourist might be a pedophile or kidnapper (unlikely, but possible), so I taught her to be cautious and not to go anywhere with people who weren’t family, friends, or the parents of her friends. She knew that if someone she didn’t know tried to get her to go somewhere, whether it be a promise of ice cream or candy, or whatever, that she should yell “NO!” and run home.

Thankfully, this advice was never tested, and she’s growing up to be an outgoing, friendly, well-adjusted kid.

I had an awful situation twice, where I was compelled to be an adult stranger. The first time, a dad dropped his 3rd grade son off at the bus stop in front of my house about 20 minutes early one January morning, and left him because he had to be at work early. We’re talking 7:00 am in January. The bus never came. Around 8:30 am, I kept hearing a kid crying outside. There was this little boy with no gloves, thin jacket, no hat. I went out and told him that I would help him find his parents and get him to school. He said please don’t call the police, my dad will be so mad. He didn’t know his dad’s work number or his mom’s, or where they worked. I gave him gloves, a hat and a heavier jacket. Then I called his school, explained what happened and drove the kid to school. They took care of it with the parents.

The second incident was a girl that was about the same age who was dropped off at the bus stop who went to a different school than my daughter, but rode the same bus part of the way with her. We tried calling home, but the line was busy, so I drove her to her mom’s apartment, walked her to the door and and explained what happened. It was the mom who dropped the girl off, and was horrified that the bus never came.

I probably should have called the police or Child Protective Services, but that would have been even more frightening for the child, especially the half frozen little boy.

The sad truth is that most problems of molestation come from people known by the children. And while it is true that strangers in rare instances—especially when they come to you asking you to take candy or ride with them—can be a problem, most strangers are not threats. So, it would seem that the main teaching has to be about making sure that children know that no one should touch them inappropriately—even family members.

@AlfredaPrufrock: That’s quite the eventful bus stop you got there

My daughter is six and we tell her it’s OK to talk to strangers, just don’t tell them any important information (address, phone number).

It’s not OK to go anywhere with a stranger.

She gets the distinction.

Careful is one thing. Fearful of every other human being is quite another.

I hate to be morose but I think child snatchers are more than well aware that parents tell their children not to talk to strangers or to go off with strangers these days… they are just simply more likely to snatch them…force them beyond their will (perhaps) I have serious concerns about the future of letting my child out to play when he’s old enough to do it.

Personally I’d rather be over-protective.

personally, i don’t think it makes sense to just flat out have them not talking to strangers
everyone’s a stranger to them, in this world…i tell them to talk to strangers esp. if i’m around…my kids are too young though to go anywhere on their own…i might modify this when they’re older

I’ve never really told my kids not to talk to strangers so much as told them-“If a stranger ever asks you to help him find his lost puppy you run away!” or if someone they don’t know tries to give them candy not to take it etc. You have to be real specific with my kids, probably all kids in general, I would guess.

I left something out of my answer above. In addition to having children understand that have the rights over their own bodies, they also need a person they feel completely comfortable confiding in—who must let the child know she will listen, and if something is untoward, will respond. So, for example, if the mother has a live-in boyfriend who is doing something to her child, the mother will not dismiss it, but will believe the child in spite of how much she might like her bf. An abuser will tell the child not to tell anyone about what has happened, and this just contributes to the problem.

I don’t think I’ve ever taught my kids not to talk to strangers, and I’m pretty darn over-protective. I have taught them not to get within arms’ reach of a stranger in a car, and never to go anywhere with anyone, unless it’s pre-arranged. They know to yell “this is not my mom/dad” and kick and scream if someone tries to snatch them. They know to approach a female employee (if at all possible) in the event they get lost in a store. If that’s not possible, a female stranger is preferable to a male stranger. It seems to me that “don’t talk to strangers” is A) not really feasible and B) too vague to be of any real use.

I train dogs for search and rescue and we often expect that any child we find will not respond to strangers calling their name, etc. You would be amazed at how well some children will hide from potential rescuers because of what they have been taught. The good news is that my dog will find the kid regardless of what lessons they have learned.

I guess for kids who are lost, the best answer is a friendly dog who is not perceived as a stranger!