Should someone be "outed" against their will?

That hardly seems fair. A person should “out” themselves when they’ve had enough time to develop the necessary personal toughness to bear the sling and arrows that come their way. It’s unfortunate that this is even neccessary, but our society has not evolved to a point yet where outing without such a thick skin is healthy or safe.

The only person who should be “outing” someone is the self. Outing others is disgraceful and disrespectful, at least to me… unless you can provide a situation in which outing someone against their will is in the homosexual person’s best interest. Erm… good luck with that. :)

I wouldn’t do this. I once worked with a guy who turned out to be in the closet. He once confessed to me after he came out, that there was a point that he would have preferred to kill himself before admitting to the world he was sexually attracted to men. There are a lot of people like this in the world. It might be juicy gossip to some people but it’s very serious business to a person’s life and the individual’s life should always be treated with dignity and respect no matter your views on homosexuality.

Bad juju.

Only if they’re a politician or hollywood celebrity :) Otherwise it’s none of anyone’s business.

The only cases I can think of where outing someone might do some good are those of hypocritical politicians and/or religious leaders who make it their business to condemn homosexuality while they are engaging in homosexual sex behind closed doors. Those people need to be outed so their hate based speech and policies no longer carry any weight.

Never. Even in cases like Lan described, their hate-based speech and policies shouldn’t carry any weight because they’re hate-based and flawed, not because of anything to do with the person saying them. If the person does not want to be out yet, they should not be outed. Ever.

NO! That is just wrong. What consenting adults do in the bedroom is no one’s business but each others.

“My dear, I don’t care what they do, so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.” ~ Mrs. Patrick Campbell

No. It’s mean. Replace “homosexuality” with anything else and you can see what a mean and inherently violent act it is.

Definitely not. It’s a shame our society cannot accept every person for who they are. A shame they cannot accept love. I think it is completely rude to out someone with them not wanting you to. Especially if they told you as their first person. There are several reasons why people don’t come out. But, I will include, you will feel much better after you tell people. Maybe not at first, but in the long run it feels like the world just got lifted off your shoulders.

I hate this. Especially when the person thinks they are doing them a favour. Let them live their life how they choose. I’m bisexual, but very, very few people in my day-to-day life know, and for good reason. So I’d be pissed if someone did this.

I think outing is wrong and it robs the person if the opportunity to come out themselves.

Being “out” is indeed in the best interest of gay people. Sure there can be consequences, but psychologically speaking, not hiding, not being constantly fearful that your secret will be found out, not having to lie to the people you love about who you love, not having to deny the person you love so bad things won’t happen, is ABSOLUTELY not healthy. Being out is better than being in.

On ER, Carry Weaver was too scared to live her life in the open, and it was damaging her relationship with a paramedic (I forget her name). The paramedic decided she did not want to be with Carry because the paramedic was done with hiding, and wanted to live openly. Before the paramedic left Carry, she made a point to kiss her in front of her coworkers.

Did the paramedic out Carry? Yes. Were the paramedics actions done out of love and a desire to help Carry? Yes. Was it wrong for the paramedic to out Carry? I don’t think so.

Later, Carry said that the paramedic kissing her, and thus outing her, was the best thing that ever happened to her.

no. it doesn’t matter whether they need to stand up for themselves or not. not everybody wants to sacrifice their own relations just yet for the good of the majority. of course they should eventually out themselves, but if they don’t want to, they should NEVER be forced. one’s personal life is no business of anyone but that person,.

Absolutely not. It is this person’s life, their sexuality, therefore it is there information to share or keep to themselves. The heartache and the stress of not telling is theirs to deal with, so I see it as their right to decide whether or not to relieve it.

@tinyfaery Just to clarify, I didn’t mean that being out of the closet at all was against the best interest of the gay person in question. No argument there. I was hoping to make clear that outing them against their will, before they are ready, was not in their best interest. There is a wide and drastic difference between the two.

I think that the world will be a better place for all homosexuals when “the closet” doesn’t have to exist and no one is fearful of coming out, however this is not currently an ideal world and it doesn’t work that way. I would say that it is not okay for someone else to out someone, especially if they are not ready. I have friends that weren’t out when they were home from college because if they were they would lose their families, their parents paying for their education, etc. It was in their best interest not to be. Had they been outed by another person they would have suffered the consequences of that action which they had been deliberately trying to avoid. I wish “coming out” didn’t have to happen at all, but I think it should be up to the person whose life it is when it does happen.

I have given a lot of thought to this over the last few ddays. I generally agree with not outing someone against their will, but I have this to say:

Gay people are outed all the time. My wife outs me everytime she talks about me, and I have outed her to everyone at work and everyone on Fluther. My family outs me every time they tell people they have a gay child/grandchild/cousin/neice/aunt, etc. My employer has outed me to the insurance carrier, and the the state of California outs me by making my domestic partnership public record.

Thus, I think the idea of not outing someone is situational.

Plus, unless anyone has done extensive study on the psychology of being gay, and being out v. in, I don’t think a straight person can have an opinion as to whether outing someone is right or wrong.

@tinyfaery You said, “Plus, unless anyone has done extensive study on the psychology of being gay, and being out v. in, I don’t think a straight person can have an opinion as to whether outing someone is right or wrong.”

Ah, ok. So even though we are in agreement (outing someone against their will isn’t right), as a person who identifies as strait, I should not outwardly agree with you? Just keep it to myself?

No, I am saying that you cannot possibly know what it is like to hide your sexuality, or to know the benefits of coming out on one’s own as opposed to being outed.

Oh…no. I don’t think another person has the right to make the decision for the person they are considering outing. Why do that to someone? It is cruel to make such a huge decision for someone without truly understanding the ramifications of being “out.”

I wish we lived in a world where this wasn’t an issue. Where being something other than heterosexual was accepted and not something people feared or hated. It’s crazy, to me, that this is still an issue.

Until that time, I believe each individual should make their own decision as to whether they want to be out or not.

It would be nice if we all had control over every bit of information that got out about us. We don’t. If you want to keep a secret, though, you can’t tell anyone. If the secret is something you do, then you can’t let anyone see you do it.

Unfortunately, people are not always nice. There are jealousies and competitions and angers, and politics and who knows what else. So, when someone finds out information about another person, they can keep it to themselves, or they can tell others, or they can print it in the papers.

My feeling is that if you don’t want people to know something, don’t tell a soul. Once the knowledge is out of your hands, you have no control over it. People will gossip. That’s what people do.

When I talk about myself here, I assume that, even though I’m anonymous, it is likely that somebody will figure out who I am. Fortunately, I can’t be blackmailed with anyone I really care about. They already know everything I’ve said here.

I’m bipolar and there are a lot of people in my life who don’t know that, and I really don’t want to be outted about that. I don’t want to have to deal with explaining; I don’t want to have to deal with the questions, the fear, the stigma, the accusations of ineptness, laziness, or of being a fake. However, I won’t be surprised if I get these questions some day, and I’ll feel like it was something I brought on myself, by opening my mouth about it in the first place.

Im going thru a situation now where my manager outed me in front of my co workers and I dont think that it was fair for her to have dont that.Im waiting to take this to HR to see what the out come will be and if im not satisfied with the out come, I will defintely press the issure to sue them for mental damage. I now feel a certain way when I go into the ladies locker room, and I shouldn;t have to feel that way, I demand that this DISRESPECTFUL MANAGER should be fired, she is a poor choice of a health care professional.

Man, HELL NO.

I got outed by force by a silly little boy in high school who was in the closet and self-hating and sought to deflect attention from himself by spreading stories about me. It sucked.

And now, if someone outed me as trans against my will to other people, well, that would open me to the possibility of real direct physical violence as well as subtler types of violence.