Are you misunderstood more often on the internet or in "real life"?

It kind of puzzles me a bit because I feel that I type pretty clearly and explicitly.

A few times I’ve come across people who have essentially decided what my motives were before they would give me a chance to explain them.

Which one is it? I’ll wait for your explanation.

Explicit (from Latin explicare, “to unfold” and thus also make visible):
very specific, clear, or detailed

@squirbel

It varies from case to case. Sometimes someone has pointed out to me that what I said was ambiguous and it was a result of my unclear typing and so I had to clear it up. Other times, I stated it and then tried to explain it to people who may not have gotten it and they decide that something else was the motive for what I typed and they ignore what I have to say.

I have no way of knowing. One does not always get feedback in either setting. Sometimes you think you’ve been understood, whereas in fact the other person has received entirely the wrong message. I’ve been told that I am clear and articulate in my writing and speech, and I have also been told that I write and speak in a way that no one can understand.

Probably there are more actual tests of communication in real life than on the Internet. Personal interaction has some built-in feedback loops; on the Internet people may just go away, and you never know if you got through or not.

well spelling/writing wise the internet of course though I do mumble in real life which makes me hard to understand. But when trying to get my point across i guess it’s the internet because i actually try and be serious on the internet so people take seriousness with a grain of salt and want to see what you say the way they want to not necessarily what you intended. In real life I’m just sarcastic all the time and Im never serious no one really misunderstands sarcasm at least not the people I associate with.

In Internet of course. In real life you are complete, your voice, your face, your whole body, your environment speak a lot about you. In the web you’re limited. That can be good in some way but inevitabily leads to misunderstandings.

@Dansedescygnes, are you using “typing” and “writing” interchangeably? That would be a source of confusion right there. “Typing” would normally mean just making accurate keystrokes. You can type correctly but choose your words poorly, use wrong words, omit words, punctuate badly, etc., and that would be clear typing but hardly clear writing.

I’m a mumbling fool in real life. I express myself with much more clarity online, where I am able to properly consider my ideas, order them effectively, and phrase them clearly. Of course, many people do not place as much value on the conversations they hold on the internet, because they have no personal stake in them, and so they do not make the effort to fully understand what is written; others allow themselves to become exceedingly impassioned online, because they see no boundaries to polite behavior when they are not face-to-face with the other person, and so they are less liable to read one’s comment’s as they are intended. But if I am talking with someone capable of treating an online conversation as, in essence, a more slow-paced version of a verbal debate, then I am less likely to be mis-read than I am in person.

Definitely more on the internet. My candid manner doesn’t quite fit into a measly emoticon.

The internet and text create a whole world of misunderstanding. I try and be more and more careful now.

@Jeruba

Yes, I’m using them interchangeably, I don’t usually make errors in my typing except that I have on occasion left out words due to thinking faster than I’m typing. That’s usually a pretty obvious error though.

Well, @Dansedescygnes, you’re welcome to do that. But you should probably consider that whenever you bend your meanings away from standard usages you are increasing the risk of misunderstanding.

@Jeruba

Where did I say I was bending meanings away from standard usages? Typing is writing. Writing is typing. People who write books type them. If I had meant a grammar or conventions error (due to typing errors/“typos”), I would have said so. I am talking about an error with the sentence and its parts.

Type: to reproduce in type or in print.
Write: to compose and produce in words or characters duly set down.

Typing on a keyboard and composing thoughts in words are two different things. You can type without writing. You can write without typing. Just mentioning it because I found your usage confusing. As I say, you’re welcome to use them any way you want.

@Jeruba

Maybe it has to do with the fact that sometimes when I hear the word “write” I picture a guy with a quill pen.

I’m not sure if misunderstood is the way I would describe it, I seem to have an uncanny ability to annoy people in real life and on the internet. I think it is because I have strong opinions and don’t mind expressing them.

But I hope that I allow others the same privilege. I think it is a good rule for everyone to say their piece and then let it be, repetition is a control thing, keep saying it over and over because the goal is to convert others to my way of thinking.

And I hope also that I am open enough to learn different perspectives and ideas. Rigidity is so detrimental to growth. I never want to stop growing intellectually.

I suppose I can be equally misunderstood in either venue but it usually has to do with the careful consideration of words to express both meaning and intent. Where I can engender confusion is in my assumption that people will understand an expression or idea. Sometimes I do not accurately gauge my audience. Sometimes I’m blind to a subtlety in my own writing. Or in speaking a manner or tone that I use can cause defensiveness from the other party. Of course these can all cause confusion and frustration.

I am misunderstood no matter when the goose neck tulip gets across the triple bond dutch cannonball.

I’d like to think that I’m rarely misunderstood on the Internet and in real life because I’m quite articulate when I communicate and I don’t leave much room for ambiguity when making a point. I’m sure at some point or another I have been unable to be completely clear on things I’ve said but I do try to make a concerted effort to express my thoughts well whenever I can.

There is potential for misunderstaning in both instances but I would think that it is harder to be clear on the Internet because in person, you can take additional time to explain something to someone better. It would all depend on the person and their skill for communicating effectively.

you can take additional time to explain something to someone better

This is exactly what I was thinking. A person can just walk away from a situation on the internet, it’s harder to do that in real life. You can also react quicker in real life. I remember once explaining something to someone and then the next day they responded and by then I had tired of the subject.

I’ve rarely been misunderstood, but then, I have the manner of a teacher. It’s my talent to get ideas across.

@squirbel
I’m sorry. I’m having trouble following you.:)

@Dansedescygnes, would you describe Mark Twain as a great American typist?

@Jeruba

I think you know I’m referring to contemporary authors.

No, sorry, I didn’t know to whom you were referring. That would have been an act of mind-reading. I wouldn’t presume. (Didn’t you object to having people guess at your intentions?)

So who is a great American typist, then?

Speaking only for myself as a writer, I do not think of myself as typing when I write. That is simply the interface, the medium. I would be doing the same thing with a pencil, a typewriter, a sharpened piece of charcoal, or a quill pen. I can set a three-year-old down here at the keyboard and let him type.

My point is neither to chastise you for your choice of words nor to take umbrage on behalf of all writers. My point was simply to say that when you use words in a way not consistent with their customary meanings, the misunderstandings that you are worried about are more than likely to arise. In other words, given all the disadvantages of purely written communication,. it might be best to use all the advantages you have, and sticking to the common understandings of words is one of them.

@Jeruba

Everyone else seemed to know what I meant. Especially since I said “I type pretty clearly and explicitly.” If I was referring to the physical act of pressing keys, I would have said “I type pretty well.” You don’t press keys “clearly and explicitly”. That seems to refer to the usage of words. That’s how I intended it and others picked up on that.

And I assumed you meant that because for you to assume that I would call an author from the times before computers and typewriters a “typist” is insulting to my intelligence and I didn’t think you would do that. And that’s not what I thought; it just seemed like a sarcastic comment to me.

@Dansedescygnes
You may find that Jeruba is splitting hairs but the devil is in the details. Pay attention and you may actually find some of the answers you seek grasshopper.
‹(•¿•)›

@SeventhSense

Yes, I am listening. Yes, I can see how it can be misconstrued. But I’m not going to admit that what I did was wrong because it wasn’t. If that’s what she wants, she’s not going to get it. So I suggest that this whole thing just stop now. People understood what I meant. Just because she didn’t doesn’t mean other people don’t. I didn’t have an issue with this question until she started commenting. There was no misunderstanding with my “unconventional” usage of the word “type”.

Are you noticing a pattern? It’s not a matter of RIGHT and WRONG. It’s just more clear and you can’t be too clear…Capice? Just nod…OK good

@SeventhSense

What if I thought I was clear enough and didn’t need to be more clear? I’m not saying being more clear would’ve been bad, I’m just saying that I didn’t need to be more clear. Being more clear in that sense is just a suggestion; I don’t have to take it.

Dull ache feeling

@SeventhSense

Whatever. I don’t care. I will continue to use the word “type” the way I want and if people don’t get it, it’s their problem.

It kind of puzzles me a bit
refuse to understand me
you’re not listening because you don’t want to listen
people who just flat out refuse to understand me or listen to me

And the beat goes on.

@SeventhSense

The difference is that I do understand you and I am listening. I get it. I just don’t want to do what you guys are suggesting that I do.

But maybe that’s not what you want me to do. What response from me would satisfy you? What do you want from me?

I just don’t want to do what you guys are suggesting that I do.
Well, then you will get the same confusion and crossed signals. Insanity is repeating the same mistakes but expecting different results.

@SeventhSense

It wasn’t a mistake.

That’s where we differ. The word “type” can mean “to reproduce in type or in print”. That’s what I was doing, wasn’t it?

I find it interesting that when I posted the comment about “writing makes me think of a guy with a quill pen”, I was intending to end the conversation on that topic. I thought we were done, I thought it was over. But then Jeruba brings it up again by mentioning the Mark Twain thing, even though it was unrelated to my “quill pen” comment, which was the last comment in the conversation. She brings it up because she wasn’t satisfied with my attempt to end the conversation (and thus doesn’t respond to it); it seemed she wanted more from me. She wanted to “educate” me more. Believe me, I know this feeling. But I thought I ended it well. The “quill pen” comment showed that I used the word “type” because “write” makes me think of using a pen or a pencil, even though “write” can just be “put into words” and I knew it could mean that, but because it made me think of pens and pencils, I used “type” instead. But I guess all I did was explain why I did it, not suggest that I was going to “change my ways”.

Well I dare say you’ve gone beyond stubborness into ignorance at this point.
Typing and writing are two separate things. Writing is what authors do regardless of their medium be it pencil, machine, or pen. It also includes the whole subject of prose as opposed to poetry. One can improve their writing but still have no typing skills. Likewise someone could improve their typing skills but not improve their writing. Typing is the physical act of depressing symbols on a keyboard. It’s a major distinction as much an error as saying I’m drawing a book. Watch Kung Fu again. In fact watch more. It was a good series. Good night and Peace. :)

Sure, I’m the stubborn one even though you’ve been posting here on this topic for the last hour or so trying to “educate” me. And fine, you want me to admit that it was a mistake? You bet it was a mistake. This question turned to off-topic shit because of that stupid word. Huge mistake. If I had known that was going to happen, never in a million years would I have used “type” in that way, even if I was pretty confident that people would understand what I meant.

sigh Another failed question. Oh well, I’ve posted 28 questions and only two of them have failed. #12 (that horrible college question; that will most likely forever go down as the worst question I will have ever posted; it was so awful it made me cry and I actually lost sleep because of the bad mood I was in because of it) and now this one, #27. Though——I did the math——that’s a 93% success rate. Still an A, bitches. :P

I consider a question of mine to have failed when it results in a negative off-topic discussion involving me. So, here it is. Failed question. I will try better next time.

@Dansedescygnes. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Some failed questions generate very few responses and have little or no intelligent or interesting debate back and forth unlike this question. It wasn’t a failure. It was just a spirited forum for some and an imperfect query on your part. That’s to be expected because no one is perfect and I’ve certainly asked what I consider to be subpar questions in the past. No worries.

@Bluefreedom

Thanks for the input. And yes, I suppose it could have been a lot worse. The other “failed question” of mine that I mentioned was much much worse. I can’t believe it’s still here in the databases and people can still see it whenever they want to. (Don’t look at it; trust me).

I wanted them to delete it, but they wouldn’t. I want closure…I want it to burn… :(

Of course now everyone is upvoting their comments because, oh, they were just trying to show the dumb little kid the error of his ways and what good teachers they made!

Whatever. This question seriously needs to die…! :)

lol, this thread was epic.

Dan, you really need to re-read this whole thing if you actually want to know why people misunderstand you. Re-read it, and see.

The answer is here in this thread. Seriously.

@squirbel

Actually, it’s not. When I posted this question, I was thinking more of the type of misunderstanding where I post something as a joke and someone doesn’t take it as a joke. That has nothing to do with conflicting definitions of words. That has more to do with the “tone” of the statement not getting across.

I hate to use this example, but it is a good example: In that college thread, everyone who had responded was telling me to go to Stanford instead of UCLA and I hadn’t said anything angrily yet, I jokingly said “stop pressuring me!!!”. And the response was “clearly you are just here to tell people you want to go to UCLA and discard everything in favor of Stanford” when what was really meant by it was “thanks for making my decision even harder!”

That’s the kind of misunderstanding I was talking about. Not “omg that’s an unconventional definition of the word!”.

I can’t edit that comment anymore, but what I meant was that this thread didn’t tell me what to do about that kind of misunderstanding.

The “stop pressuring me!” is something that has to be heard vocally in order to not be misunderstood!

Of course people will misunderstand! That’s why most people use the whisper as an aside!

I’m not really excited, or upset, or exasperated. I’m just using punctuation to throw readers. :D

i think i’m misunderstood differently in both situations, but the internet is probably where it happens most often.

in ‘real life’, i think people interpret my silence differently, but online, people interpret my words differently.

Ugh, I am so sick of seeing every comment that goes against mine being upvoted…I hate this site and its cliqueyness…blech…honestly, fuck all of you. Fuck all of you. And I’m sure I’ll get another response to this that’s all enlightened and shit and it will get upvoted. This site is such bullshit.

The answer is not in this goddamn thread, so why do you fucking morons upvote his comment twice? Well, I’ll tell you why, because it goes against me. And anything that goes against me is automatically a “great answer”, no matter how shitty and wrong it is.

I don’t CARE about the way I use the word “type”, if you don’t get it, you’re a fucking idiot and weren’t part of my intended audience anyway. That’s one misunderstanding that I don’t consider negative. Misunderstand all you want. I’m only speaking to people of a certain level of intelligence here. You just said that to point out technicalities.

Oh well, I suppose I’ll be part of the clique soon enough…no one hates the clique once they’re part of it.

And why can’t we DELETE anything on this damn site? This question needs to fucking disappear.

her.

@Dansedescygnes
No one’s typecasting you.

@Dansedescygnes…you could try not clicking on it anymore. deep breaths little one…deeeeeeep breaths…