How do I get back on my wifes good side? Need help from the ladies.

You need to change your priorities and pay for a counselor. You can call an abuse hot line and tell them your story. They will probably set you up with a sliding scale counselor. Verbal abuse IS abuse. If the relationship is important enough to you, you will find a way to make anger management courses or counseling a priority. Don’t look to her to solve this for you. Just man up and find a class, a group or a counselor.

Changing how you argue can be really, really hard. I yell and scream and bitch, then get over it very quickly. It’s a big issue with my calm, even-tempered guy.

You say you want to show her you’ve changed- have you? Have you argued and shown that you do it differently now? Or do you just want to change?

It might be a good idea to talk with your wife about it while things are going well. Tell her you want to change but need her help, and that you know your behavior isn’t ok. It might seem silly, but maybe you two can come up with a safe word she can use when you’re losing your head. It doesn’t mean she’s right about whatever the disagreement is, it just means that you need to take a step back, calm down, and prepare to approach it differently. Then do it. Hopefully, she’ll realize you really are working at it.

Write her a sincere letter, go to anger management, and tell her you want to renew your vows to her including your commitment to keep your temper in check. Then follow through… I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re on your last leg and can’t afford another slip up. You need to show her that you mean it, and that will only be achieved by your example. Time will heal her, but you need to heal yourself.

It took you a while to get into this mess, expect it to take a while to get out of it. Act like a decent adult human being. Stop taking out your anger on others-I don’t care how, just straighten yourself out. Eventually she will notice. If you don’t get yourself together, she will be gone.

I just looked at your profile and your question history. Obviously I don’t know you or your marriage or financial situation, but perhaps you should re-prioritize, as @Judi suggested, and see a counselor if you really want to work on your marriage. You could contact a local college and see if their psych/counseling grad students offer free counseling for school credit, also. Good luck!

Learn to make “I” statements instead of “YOU blank blank blank.”

I think communication 101 should be a required subject in all schools

honestly, if you read into psychology, you might find that it’s easier to figure out how to control your outbursts, and it’s a lot cheaper than going to a therapist.
i’m in a psychology class – though you could definitely just read a book on it if you’d rather do that – and i feel like it’s really helpful for anger. understanding human behavior is really effective in controlling your own behavior.

also, try taking a deep breath before you respond to something. even if you really believe that you’re right, ask yourself if it’s worth the consequences, especially if it’s over something small. good luck (: