How do you deal with a petty sibling?
My sister and I are 4-years apart. She is very emotional and I have always been more logicial. We are both successful in our own right – I’m not sure how you measure that in life, but if we are going “on paper” I’m slightly ahead based solely on the fact that I am more independent, financially stable, married, etc. There are phases when our relationship is in a good place, but she is always hyper critical of me. Lately, it’s been pretty unbearable: She throws me dirty looks but won’t come out and tell me why she’s mad, she looks me up and down because I’ve gained 15 lbs and am dressed casually to family dinner, she’s always complained about the preferential treatment of my stepsiblings. Recently my job was downsized (after working 60+ hours/week for almost 10 years) and all she can do is make snarky comments. I don’t want to imply I’m perfect – often I’m short tempered, I don’t have a lot of patience, and I know I’m not always the girly sister she wants me to be. Does anyone out there have any advice?
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14 Answers
If you’ve been working for 10 years and she is 4 years difference in age, then you are both adults I’m assuming. If she still acts like a teenager in her adult years, I’m afraid the only way to deal with it is to change your attitude because hers are set. Instead of getting your feelings hurt, just remind yourself that she is most likely very jealous of your accomplishments and insecure with herself for not having the same. Then just let her comments roll off your back (and when she sees she doesn’t get to you, she’ll probably become even more upset)
I just ignore her. You can’t change petty.
Now that someone has provided a serious answer…
You know, sometimes some people need a good, old bitch-slapping.
@bob_ Can I give you my sister’s address?
Maybe there’s a situation in the family where you could let her succeed over you.
A win could possibly give her esteem a boost and diffuse tensions.
@bob_ But she’s perfect. You wouldn’t want to slap her if saw her pic.
Seriously, my sister is very petty. OMG. She lives in L.A. and has celebrity sightings on a daily basis. She thinks that she is better because of where she lives. She can’t believe that her sister even knows who Brad Pitt is because I live in Illinois. I could care less! I just smile and play nice with her.
Thanks @BBSDTfamily I’m been trying to kill it with kindness, and ignoring it, but she presses on determined to upset me. I don’t get upset to her face, but it obviously hurts my feelings. Oddly enough, I know she wishes we were closer, but it is this kind of behavior that keeps it from happening.
@youresocool Hopefully your sister will grow out of it. My sister is 50 now. It’s doubtful that she will. Sorry for being such a pessimist.
@jonsblond She could get a different kind of slapping, if you know what I mean.
@The Compassionate Heretic – Great thought. She’s had much success, and I (and others) praise her for it. The truth is, she can’t see it no matter what. It’s too bad.
@youresocool Anytime. I think if she gets really ridiculous you can even give her a smirk that shows your opinion… my sister gives me those from time to time when I get out of line… for my own benefit. ;)
@youresocool You could let her know that you’re looking to have a better relationship with her and that the sibling rivalry is getting in the way of the precious little time you both have together.
To ad you don’t get to choose your family! Good to know others have their own level of dysfunction too.
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