Should I forget what a child molester has done?

I don’t think your should forget, I’d just be extremely wary of him. Is he a registered sex offender? How do you know he doesn’t feel what he did was wrong?

Burn the fucker out!

He is listed as a sexual predator in the state police data base and I talked to him since he has been out. Says he has no regets because he did nothing wrong. He also violated parole by being around a child and went back in for 6 months before being released from parole.

I know that that’s something that I couldn’t forget. Just got a sick feeling in my stomach when I read this. “Does not feel he was wrong”. For me, I would have an awful time interacting with him. My feeling is, once a pedophile, always a pedophile (just my thoughts). I would steer clear of him, if you’re able to.

Personally, I do not believe they should be sent to prison. I feel they should be locked in a gymnasium full of mothers and grandmothers. No men they would just want to kill him.

Print this ANIMALS adress and see what goes down,thus keeping yourself out of the picture.
A couple of posters on a street corner should do it.

I would steer clear of the guy. The fact that he thinks he did nothing wrong is very disturbing.

@bobnob: That would be hate speech and angry mob formation propaganda. The guy has been punished for what he did already. Harassing him like that doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.

With that said… I wouldn’t know what to think of it either. As has been said, the fact that he doesn’t feel remorse about it is creepy to say the least.
I guess just staying away from him might be the best option.

It is the lack of remorse that shows that he has NOT been “rehabilitated”. Stay away and keep any children away from him.

Denial of accountability is why I will have nothing to do with my perpetrator, even though we are related. I have accepted that I can not change what happened so many years ago, and I can not change him. I can only change myself by detaching and not being drawn into any drama that might give him any sense of power over me.

i feel it is not our place to judge people who do wrong since in the end God will give them what they truly deserve that no jail or prison could ever give someone. however, do not for one second believe you are wrong in being wary. people who do those things have no right to say people should move on. harming an innocent is an unforgivable thing even if you arent personally attached to the child. he does not feel he did wrong but the truth is he did. he did his time, so what! what about that little girl who has to live with that the rest of her life? personally, i know how that feels and it doesnt go away either. a person can overcome it and what not but the fact that it happens is always there. that poor girl. be very careful around him and dont let any children near him. some might think thats being melodramatic but if he feels he did no wrong the first time what will stop him from doing it again?

please be safe

This is a tough question. I feel utter disgust at this guy’s actions and his inability to understand what he did was wrong, but also, he is a human being and has rights. I would simply avoid him, keep any kids away, and keep an eye on him. I would also express my feelings to someone in authority.

Performing an act of hate speech as proposed by bobnob is inherently wrong as well. Vigilantes are people who punish lawbreakers instead of relying on the authorities to do so, and that isn’t right either. There are certain types of people, and child molesters are the most heinous, that I vehemently disgree with, but if I were to attempt to punish them on my own, then that makes me no better than they. All you can do is to remain on your guard around such a person.

I used to work with a guy that was on the sex registry. He had molested his daughter. The powers that be at work believed that he was innocent and gave him a chance. He never did anything inappropriate-said some off color things not about children but I guess we all said shit we shouldn’t have. He gave me the creeps. He was a nice enough guy, but knowing that he was a convicted molester gave made me the heebee geebees. I didn’t like my kids talking to him or anything if they went with me to get paid or something. I used to tell myself it was alright, he wasn’t gonna touch them in a room full of people, but I didn’t like it.

I don’t know how I would feel about my kids living next door to a sex perv. I watch them like crazy anyway, so I wouldn’t have to worry too much about him getting them. Wonder if it lowers property values if a sex offender lives on the street.

If I lived next door and had kids, I would have to move. The fact that he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong tells me he will probably do it again. The justice system did not serve justice in his case.

@chyna: I think your complaint against this outcome of the justice system is about a lack of prevention of future crime, not about a lack of justice.

@bright_eyes00: what about that little girl who has to live with that the rest of her life?
It happened when she was three years old. She probably won’t remember any of it, fortunately.
If her parents don’t raise her as if she’s broken, I think she should be fine.

@Fyrius No, it is not a lack of prevention of future crime. It is about keeping the criminal in prison for more than a “token” length of time.

@chyna: Is that justice, though? We have laws for this sort of thing, and the laws specify so and so much time.
You think the laws should be changed?

I also worked in a prison. It is a joke! Rehabilitation! No way. Is it really punishment or a deterrant sitting around watching tv, listening to your radio and talking to your fellow inmates all day while the state gives you three hots and a cot?

@Fyrius The punishment needs to fit the crime. A person with pot gets more time than a child molester. And just because the child is 3 years old and might not remember the attack shouldn’t make the punishment less severe. That child may have been hurt badly internally and never be able to have children or end up having a colostomy bag.

If he feels no remorse, obviously any “rehabilitation” he’s gone through was about as effective as being slapped with a wet noodle. The best you can do is keep children away from him. If friends visit you with children, warn them about this men. If a new family moves in with children, warn them as well. It’s true that he is listed online, but someone might not check. Also, if he moved in after another family with young children had, they might not have even checked.

@Fyrius: The man is a repeat offender. He violated his parole once and he could do so again. This man targeted and violated the most vulnerable members of our society. And as for the little girl, she may not remember being molested but does that make it okay? What if she flinches every time a man touches her and doesn’t know why? What if she encounters this man and has a flashback? What if, as chyna said, she has injuries?

@chyna: The punishment needs to fit the crime. A person with pot gets more time than a child molester.
I see. (So that’s a “yes, the laws should be changed.”)

And just because the child is 3 years old and might not remember the attack shouldn’t make the punishment less severe.
@KatawaGrey: And as for the little girl, she may not remember being molested but does that make it okay?
Oh no, I agree. I wasn’t implying it should affect the punishment.

What if she flinches every time a man touches her and doesn’t know why? What if she encounters this man and has a flashback?
...But I have my doubts about the technical feasibility of this sort of thing.
For the first idea, it’s really just doubt. I don’t know if that’s possible. We’d have to ask a developmental psychologist. (Are there any around here?)
As for the second, I’m pretty sure flashbacks require long term memory, which doesn’t start storing memories until… well, 3 or 4 years, so around that time I guess. If her long term memory is earlier than average, then maybe.

Going to stop playing devil’s advocate now.

What does he mean by you moving on? Do you have children? If so, I would get the hell out of there, and inform the authorities of my reasons.

It is very rare for these people to accept responsibility. That he is open about it is – well, almost god in a way. At least you are on your guard.

Don’t forget, just be wary. If you have children, I would probably be looking for a new home.

**Almost GOOD – bad typo!

I would be wary and keep any and all children over whom you have influence far away from him. He obviously has not been rehabilitated and it will just be a matter of time before he gets in trouble again.

You might consider moving if you can afford it.

I was living here before they moved in. (he is 21 and still lives with mommy and daddy) I have put a lot of blood sweat and tears into this place not to mention money. I have grown boys so not a problem there untill grand kids. Just irritaes me how he and his parents are so non caring about this.

Hammer a bunch of nails in a bat, hang out in your front yard in a menacing manner.

Just so he knows what’s up.

Fuck him.
You shouldn’t forget and he shouldn’t be allowed to.

And, if you see a child so much as look at his house from the sidewalk or touch one blade of grass on his lawn, call the cops.

Better to be hyper vigilant than full of regret.

I’d say at this point in time it isn’t your business. By which I mean, you don’t have a personal issue other than disgust at what he has done, Nobody you know is in danger. If that changes, you need to be proactive, but at the moment you don’t even need to think about it. (Of course that won’t stop you, but if you don’t take control over your feelings, it will grow to dominate your life. Then he will have wrecked someone else’s life too).

@Speranza: The man shows no remorse, likely lives near at least a few children and is a neighbor.

It’s their effin’ business. And if I were his neighbor, I’d make it my business.
All it takes is a few minutes of people letting down their guard.

Hang on, he’s just 21 years old? Maybe his lack of remorse could be due to immaturity, and he’ll grow to personally regret it later.

(Funny how I assumed he would be middle-aged. It’s hard to ignore stereotypes.)

It is not her PERSONAL business. It becomes her business if she sees him grooming kids, or approaching vulnerable members of her family.

I say this with great care, believe me, but at the moment he is not a threat TO HER.

There have been some shocking cases of media-fed vigilante feeding-frenzies, where people (some who weren’t even criminals) have been killed. I don’t believe we help society by descending into panic. Yes, it’s awful that he is back out and not full of remorse, but if she lets that ruin her life, he just gains another victim.

It is her business insofar as she is aware of his presence and his potential to harm.

He is unlikely to hurt her physically.

That’s all I meant.

@asmonet: Better to be hyper vigilant than full of regret.
All it takes is a few minutes of people letting down their guard.
I think you’re getting overly paranoid about this. The guy knows his situation, and he knows the authorities will be right on top of him if there’s one child late for dinner in the neighbourhood, not to mention the angry mobs. Get some perspective.
Not that I would be completely without worry, but I wouldn’t be so terrified of “letting my guard down for a few minutes.”

@justwannaknow: If he’s only 21, how long was he in jail???

I agree with @asmonet. It would definitely be my business. I have a young niece and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having her over, and if she did come over, I’d watch the creep like a freakin’ hawk. In all honesty, I don’t think that I could live beside the dude. Every time that I’d see him, I’d think of all of what he was charged with, but that’s just me. Maybe, I feel this way because of my own personal experience. I don’t trust ‘em.

I think that’s totally different – if I was there and had young children over, I would feel just awful too.

And yes, we all bring our own experiences to these things. Some will be more sensitive. I suspect I would feel sick to my stomach if I met the guy, but… I don’t have to…

The fact that he doesn’t feel remorse because he doesn’t feel he’s done wrong is cause for concern. It shows that he lacks empathy. I would be wary around people like that in general, but not in a panic. I’d stay away and keep the children I know away as well.

I think you shouldn’t operate on the assumption that he’s going to jump any kid he gets near, just because it’s on his CV. It’s like expecting every car that passes by is going to run over someone. It’s certainly a risk, but not as high a risk as you seem to believe.
Admittedly I don’t have the statistics, buuut I think I can assume that more than half of all urban child rapes get documented in the news, and you hear about it only occasionally. Even though it makes such a strong impression.

I’ve too often seen people completely lose their heads over paedophilia, shoving all reason and perspective out the window from a primal urge to protect the children. I know child rape is a terrible prospect, but please, try not to let fear get the best of you.

Okay, stats.
I’m assuming you live in the USA, @justwannaknow.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_rape#United_States_and_Europe
“Child sexual abuse occurs frequently in Western society.[133][134] (...) The estimates for the United States vary widely. A literature review of 23 studies found rates of 3% to 37% for males and 8% to 71% for females, which produced an average of 17% for boys and 28% for girls,[139] while a statistical analysis based on 16 cross-sectional studies estimated the rate to be 7.2% for males and 14.5% for females.[140]”

Hm.
All right, that is worrying.

“I think I can assume that more than half of all urban child rapes get documented in the news, and you hear about it only occasionally.”
Okay, so I was dead wrong there. Of course, some child sexual abuse never actually gets out.

My “please don’t panic” point of view still stands, though. With the admission that it’s not an issue to belittle either.

@Fyrius Unfortunately, I’ve known many girls that were molested when they were younger. I will tell you now… It doesn’t matter how young they were when the molestation took place, they will remember in one way or another and it generally has a very negative impact on them as teens and adults. I knew a girl who had been molested by her father and had no recollection of it whatsoever until she started having dreams about it. She thought they were just dreams, until one day out of nowhere, her memory released floods of images in varying situations and she knew without a doubt that it was not her mind playing tricks on her.

Part of the problem with sex offenders is that typically, in America, people don’t realize how much of a problem it is. I would say that 1 out of every 3 girls I know was molested as a child. It’s disgusting.

@justwannaknow: Do not move on. Do not trust him. He does not acknowledge the atrocities of what he did and he violated his parole. He is the type of pedophile who will offend again, given the opportunity.

(Drifting slightly off-topic, but whatever.)

@DrasticDreamer: It doesn’t matter how young they were when the molestation took place, they will remember in one way or another and it generally has a very negative impact on them as teens and adults.
...even under three years old?

until one day out of nowhere, her memory released floods of images in varying situations and she knew without a doubt that it was not her mind playing tricks on her.
Did her father eventually own up to it, too?
Minds can be really clever at playing tricks on you, in ways you never imagined were possible. In this case, given no other data, they could be intrusive thoughts, manifested in dreams that reinforce themselves because they understandably freak her out so much. So, some real-world confirmation would be nice.

I would say that 1 out of every 3 girls I know was molested as a child.
The averaged percentages on Wikipedia says 1 in 3.57 (28%), so you’re not far off.

Even under three, yes. It may not be the norm, but I myself recall memories from the time of two-years-old. And I’m not talking about snippets here and there, I’m talking about full-blown memories as real as memories from last week.

While she was still very young her father had no choice but to admit to it, because he was caught doing it. She didn’t know her father whatsoever, because he left shortly after that. Her mother never even told her, under the assumption she wouldn’t remember. At one point, she had been locked up in a home for teens because she started having a lot of problems (cutting, mainly) and she was talking to her therapist one day about the dreams she started having and of the flashbacks, having no way of knowing whether or not they were real. Her therapist, completely unaware that she had no idea what had happened when she was younger, said outright, “Given that your father molested you, we need to work on ways in which you can cope with the memories”.

@Fyrius: I grew up in a neighborhood with over 20 pedophiles in a ten block radius. Thankfully, I was never abused.

Don’t even begin to think I’m just being paranoid.

“I think you’re getting overly paranoid about this. The guy knows his situation, and he knows the authorities will be right on top of him if there’s one child late for dinner in the neighbourhood, not to mention the angry mobs. Get some perspective.
Not that I would be completely without worry, but I wouldn’t be so terrified of “letting my guard down for a few minutes.”

He lacks empathy and remorse. He is a danger to himself or others through his destructive behaviors. I am not endorsing behavior that would cause undo harm to him. I have not suggested they post fliers and run him out of town. I am suggesting that everyone in the neighborhood remain aware at all times, twenty eyes are better than one. Increase the number of watchers and your opportunities to offend decrease. A man who is not ashamed of his past actions is a hundred times more likely to repeat them.

I have not suggested anyone panic, or live in fear but rather to live at an appropriate level of awareness, distance and if possible civility. Distant hostility? Sure, I’m okay with that. I wouldn’t let the prick get too comfortable.

I think your comments show a very serious lack of understanding of pedophilia and the behaviors and pathologies associated with it. You are assuming that the perpetrator thinks and acts in a way that would be rational to you. The fact remains, he does not and cannot operate as you do.

@DrasticDreamer: I’m the same way, I have memories going back to just under a year old. It is rare, it does happen. I have memories of a French door and thick blue shag carpeting, from a house we lost in foreclosure when I was two, with all the belongings inside. We do not have a single photo showing any portion of that house. Yet I remember the door opening to our living room. And asked my mother where I had seen it, before she’d ever mentioned it to me. I have memories of her tutoring with French on the white board, and the supply shelves at my parents business and all the other things I inspected closely. And a few whole days. High five for smartypants babies.

And sometimes, pedophiles don’t update the neighborhood when they move in. Sometimes they don’t have to.

Not every parent thinks PEDOPHILE! when their child is late for dinner.
They might think he’s on his way home. Hell, they might not care if he doesn’t show up.

Some are naive. Some just don’t want to be informed. Some don’t give a damn what their kid does, or don’t have time to have a schedule like a ‘normal family’.

For those kids, I would hope the good people of the world would keep an eye out even if their own parents can’t or won’t.

@DrasticDreamer: Even under three, yes. It may not be the norm, but I myself recall memories from the time of two-years-old. And I’m not talking about snippets here and there, I’m talking about full-blown memories as real as memories from last week.
I see. Impessive.

While she was (...) with the memories”.
Ah. That’s confirmation. Thank you.

@asmonet: I grew up in a neighborhood with over 20 pedophiles in a ten block radius. Thankfully, I was never abused.
Don’t even begin to think I’m just being paranoid.
No? I know I’d probably be paranoid if I grew up in a place like that.
Truth be told I’m even inclined to doubt if your 20 neighbours really were known paedophiles, or you just got the child’s impression they were.

I think your comments show a very serious lack of understanding of pedophilia and the behaviors and pathologies associated with it. You are assuming that the perpetrator thinks and acts in a way that would be rational to you. The fact remains, he does not and cannot operate as you do.
And you’re an expert? What are your credentials, besides having lived close to 20 alleged paedophiles as a kid?
Mine aren’t much either, but I’ve talked to a few online. It’s quite an interesting experience to hear it from their side. Judging from that it must at least be said that there do exist paedophiles who are capable of rational thought, much like you and me, to say the least. Ergo, you can’t assume that this guy does not and cannot operate as I do.
There also exist some paedophiles who are actually concerned about doing what’s right. But our guy is apparently not one of those.

Not every parent thinks PEDOPHILE! when their child is late for dinner.
I think they will be significantly more likely to do so if they know there’s a convicted and remorseless child sexual abuser in the neighbourhood.

Still, on the whole, maybe you’re right.

You shouldn’t forget, but you should leave him alone. He has done his time. Keep an eye on any kids in the area, call the police if you see anything suspicious, but don’t harass the guy.

There is no known cure for pedophiles and no way to gauge which will act out and become molesters. Once a pedophile crosses the line and touches a child, they’re no better than dogs who get the taste for eating cats or chickens; they have to be culled or they’ll keep on acting out. The law says we can’t infringe on these people but we can educate others around us as to what these people truly are and not be distracted by conventional societal dictates molesters don’t follow. Molesters can’t be fixed, they can’t be saved and children aren’t safe from them, not children in the immediate neighborhood or elsewhere. Steer clear but keep your eyes open.

You know, not to trivialise this in any way, it just occurred to me that we happily live within communities where parents are bringing up children so fat that their lives will be blighted by obesity-related illness.

That’s abuse on a huge – literally – scale.

If I had to be a vigilante, I’d prefer to go round clearing out people’s fridges.

Sorry, just struck me.

Of course, this is an insoluble problem. There is no known cure. Vigil -ance rather than vigilantism is the only option open to us. I still say that panic achieves nothing other than worsening the fear…

@Fyrius: No, I know for a fact they were. I know how close every rapist and pedophile is to my area and that of my young cousins. I know where not to go and hang out.

And as for your last comment about thinking pedophile immediately, did you read what I wrote? I kind of already said that. I prefer the group to take action and pick up the slack when individual parents can’t. Sometimes, even when they know they do nothing. Sure, it would improve. That’s why Megan’s Law exists. But it’s up to th individual to be informed.

Also, it’s a bit mind boggling that you think children get the ‘impression’ of pedophilia from neighbors. Children don’t operate like that.

@asmonet: No, I know for a fact they were.
Fair enough.

Also, it’s a bit mind boggling that you think children get the ‘impression’ of pedophilia from neighbors. Children don’t operate like that.
It’s not entirely unlike children to get weird ideas about people. It’s not uncommon for children to know an unfriendly old lady and be sure that she must be a witch who flies around on a broom at night, or to know some intimidating man and be sure he likes to eat little children for dinner if they walk past his house without stepping on the right lines in the pavement. I know I’ve been liable to believe that sort of thing when I was little.
So if a child would overhear their parents or the news talking about scary people called “paedophiles”, it’s quite conceivable that they’re going to believe people to be paedophiles for less than conclusive reasons.

And you seem to be very confident in your knowledge of how groups of people do and do not “operate”. But I think you underestimate a group’s diversity when you make that sort of generalisation.

Assuming a neighbor is a witch, is a far cry from sexual predator. Children do not think in those terms unless they have been exposed to it. And unless pedophilia is explained, they cannot apply behaviors to a neighbor without the proper context. They might repeat the word, but they’re just as likely to call the old lady who is an avid gardener a pedophile because she kills weeds. They mislabel and misinterpret – they don’t come to sophisticated conclusions on their own. They don’t know. They’re trusting, its how pedophiles get in. Children do not generally know what sexual deviance is. They couldn’t recognize it in others from day to day interactions.

I do know the difference between generalizations and individual experiences, I am speaking in generalities only because I have not seen from you any indication that you understand the complexities of pedophilia or anything related to it well enough to speak specifically.

I’m done having this conversation, you’ve shown me again and again how under and misinformed you are.

Assuming a neighbor is a witch, is a far cry from sexual predator.
Not to a child’s mind. You can’t expect someone who is naive enough to think that guy in the suit at the theme park really is Mickey Mouse, to realize calling someone a paedophile is more realistic than calling them a witch.

Children do not (...) to day interactions.
That’s true. They wouldn’t actually know what the word really means. But that wouldn’t stop children from using it. (It’s how they learn to use words in the first place.)
Meh. We’re going off-topic in a direction not really worth pursuing.

I am speaking in generalities only because I have not seen from you any indication that you understand the complexities of pedophilia or anything related to it well enough to speak specifically.

I’m done having this conversation, you show me again and again how under and misinformed you are.
You’re not so shiny yourself, mister pot.

I still haven’t seen any credentials on your part either. You are not in a position to condescend to me like an expert talking to a layman.
I told you my knowledge about paedophilia comes mostly from online discussions of the issue, some of them involving actual paedophiles having their say. The only thing you’ve said about your knowledge so far is that you’ve lived in the same neighbourhood as 20 people who were listed as paedophiles.
Show me a degree in psychology and I’ll be convinced you’re more informed than I am. Continue making hollow accusations and I’ll be convinced you’re not worth my time.

@Fyrius If you just put a @ and then a persons name, you won’t have to keep repeating their entire dialog each time you answer them, which, to me, is getting annoying.

@chyna: If you just put a @ and then a persons name, you won’t have to keep repeating their entire dialog each time you answer them, which, to me, is getting annoying.
Okay, this time I’m doing it on purpose. :P

I’m quite aware of this feature, though, but I quote sentences when I want to address specific parts of a post. Which is basically all the time.

Would it be less annoying if I’d use “quotes” instead if italics, or maybe “both”? I guess it would be less confusing, if that’s the problem.

You can respond to specific things people say without pasting it in your response. We can see what the person said, and we’re all capable of following your points without having to reread someone else’s.

Try reading my replies to Asmonet without reading the parts in italics. Wouldn’t you be confused if in the middle of a post I’d say “that’s true” or “fair enough” out of the blue? It would be confusing.
And I’d have to repeat what the other poster said all the time, and I wouldn’t be able to use my super awesome subtle style techniques of doom that I’ve been perfecting in all those years I’ve spend on sites with quote features. It would be really bothersome and inelegant.

@Fyrius You commented on something i said way back buried amongst many many responses. I just wanted to respond to it.
About the little girl being too young to remember. I can only hope that is the case. I pray that children that are violated like that at a young age have no recollection of the event. However, there are cases where young children are traumatized and it gets buried under layers of psychosis. years later something happens (a willing sexual encounter, watching a movie where a particular dramatic voluntary/involuntary scene occurs, etc…) and the memories could come back. i’m hoping that she is too young to have something like that happen although the human brain does amazing things. for her sake i pray that she nevers remembers anything.

thanks for the stats though

Yes, @DrasticDreamer already shared with us a tragic anecdote of someone with such a good memory. I’ll join you in hoping this girl’s memory is not like that.

You’re welcome for the stats. Though all credit is actually due to Wikipedia’s admirable reliability to deliver.

Fyrius, He’s 21 that’s old enough to be mature. I was married at 21. The men protecting your country are 18.Everyone know what he did was wrong. And in today’s world every kid knows its wrong.If he doesn’t think what he did was wrong then he needs help or life in jail.People shouldn’t have to move because the guy next door in mentally unstable.

Well… Although 21 is the kind of age where you can be expected to be at least on the whole a responsible person, it’s also the kind of age where you’ll find many people with naive life philosophies they’ll come to revise later. I’m 21 and I still believe most world problems could be easily solved with education and open-mindedness. Others my age might believe all love is beautiful by definition and social stigmas against paedophilia are just the last bit of the closed-mindedness of the previous generation. Us young folk tend to think like that.

But yes, his lack of remorse needs to be sorted out, one way or another.

Are you trying to prove that at 21 you are not to be held accountable for your actions because you are still a “child”? Most “young adults” claim to be “adults” at a much younger age and want to be treated as such.

A more careful reading of my post should reveal that this is not my point at all.

I’m saying his age might be the reason why he doesn’t feel bad about it.

@Fyrius His age has nothing to do with it. Even children feel shame and sorrow when they have done wrong. He doesn’t believe that he has done wrong now and he will probably never believe it. He is just a sick, pathetic human being.

I suppose everyone feels shame and sorrow when they believe they have done something wrong. But our guy here clearly isn’t in that situation. I’m saying he might have adopted a philosophy that condones this sort of thing.

When you look at people doing things that are commonly considered despicable, I think you’ll find it’s much more common for them to have come up with a rationalisation to make it sound okay to themselves (“this genocide campaign is making the world a better place”, “I’m just doing my job / following orders”, etc) than it is for them to have abolished their conscience altogether.

This guy may also simply be a sociopath, one that isn’t smart enough to keep up a “normal” facade. That means he sees nothing wrong with what he did because no one really exists as a human being to him, other than himself.

Yeah, that’s another possibility.

Providing you have no children in his alleged target age, why hand on to it and make yourself miserable? Would you make yourself ill over it if he were a drug kingpin? So long as he learned from doing time (at least enough not to act on it again) move on, you don’t have to be friends with him. You are giving him the power to pull your life down getting upset over spilled milk and that which did not even involve your family.