Do you find yourself placating your significant other?

Why? Did she say something to you? Did she seem mad? Oh, what have I done, what have I done.

I did in one relationship but only after figuring out reason and care weren’t going to make any positive changes in the scenario and I placated in order not to rock the boat until I could remove myself. In my opinion, to do that any other time implies to the other person you really don’t care to make an effort which may not be your intention at all.

Example: an ex of mine would go along with just about anything I wanted provided it didn’t put him out much. This was unnerving to me because what I really wanted was to know he was genuinely sharing some of my passions and interests instead of acting them out. communication stuff

It is the one thing that drives me mad in relationships and makes me a very bad boy.

Placation is a kind of passive-aggressive manipulation. You’re afraid of anger or being denied something, so you try to manage them so they don’t get angry at you, or say no to you. You don’t ask things you believe they will say no to.

Over the long run, this kind of thing drove a huge wedge between me and my wife. I was miserable. I was afraid to talk to her about what I really wanted because I believed she’d divorce me rather than give me what I wanted. We grew further and further apart, until we were simply Mr. & Mrs. Daloon, Inc. Product: children.

Well, a variety of things happened that I’ve told before, so I won’t bore you again. At the end, we got couples counseling, which helped us say what we really wanted, and each of us took half the responsibility for fucking up the relationship, and we started trying to work on our desires from the other person.

We’ve gotten somewhere, and there’s more to go, but we are both happier, except now she’s depressed, because of a lot of other shit in her life (mother, job, and child issues in addition to me issue).

The lesson I’ve learned is that you have to talk and find a way to tell your partner your true desires and fears. You can’t work on them if you don’t know what they are. If you can’t face doing this alone, or if you always end up in a fight when you try this, a counselor can help.

Hmm…I placate my wife when it comes to her little quirks. Sometimes I just have to let her be annoying. I’m not going to bother with something that cannot be changed, and that has no real effect on our relationship.

I do the same thing @tinyfaery does.

I placate my husband when it comes to watching television, primarily because it is his only hobby and his window to the world because he is disabled. Besides, I generally read or Fluther while watching so whatever is on generally barely even registers with me.

My son and my husband will get into wicked and childish arguments over what to watch, so sometimes I take away the remote, put it in my pocket, and go for a nice long walk.

Only when he’s about drunk off his ass. He becomes repetitive – and sometimes obnoxious – and I have to gently steer him without seeming to steer him. That’s about it. I think.

I would never do such a thing
and hate when people do it to me

Yes, mainly to keep the peace with the kids, activities etc.
Most times it’s easier to do it that not.

Those who never do it, do you always speak your mind? How is it met? How do you do it diplomatically so your S/O is willing to hear it and you start a dialog.

My dad died in mid July and I have been missing him and grieving his death from time to time while still working and taking time on the weekends to really take care of myself while going through the process. A new freind suggested that we do something together and after thinking about it and talking it over with a couple of friends, I decided that getting out and doing something new would be good for me.

I did a lot of reading today on the matter of placating because of a conversation I had with this someone last night in which a red flag went up as soon as they said, “I was only thinking of you…” when they decided to reschedule the outing and was trying to break the news to me. I instinctively replied, ” If you don’t want to do this with me just say so. I am not going to get mad at you or feel offended.” They then began to make excuses for themselves and spilled the beans about what was going on with them. I still wasn’t upset with them about rescheduling the outing but I also didn’t agree to go with them at the rescheduled time they had chosen.

I am a very direct person. Conflict doesn’t bother me and I am not quick to anger, but this new person in my work life doesn’t know that about me, so I assumed after all that I read about the matter, that the attempt at placating me had to do with their own fears and insecurities. I also read that some people don’t know when they are doing it. So I plan to discuss the issue with the person face to face and let them know that direct and honest communcation is best with me. I am not the type that needs messages sugar coated, and as a business owner, mom and grandma, I am fully aware that plans are always subject to change and people can change their minds. But I have no desire to have placaters in my life cause I will never really know where they stand or how they feel.