Can I get some relationship advice? I am treading water!

You need to choose what’s important to you.
If you want to be with girl #2, obviously girl #1 isn’t doing it for you.

Girl #1 IS important to me, very…the love, the family, the honesty, I love it and her. But I also feel that I would have potentially the same if not better things with girl #2.
Does that make any sense? I know this is hard to put into words though!

It doesn’t read as if you’re ready to settle down with anyone at all.

@ineedsomemajoradvice there are times in a man’s life where you have to flip a coin…. and this isn’t one of those times so don’t do it

A) Relax and take a deep breath. It’s perfectly normal to develop crushes on other people even while you’re in a committed relationship with someone you love. That doesn’t mean it’s ok to act on your crush, but it’s ok to have one.

B) That said, if you are always thinking about what you may be missing, then girl #1 is probably not the ‘one’.

Sounds like you’ve already decided.

You would never cheat and yet you ask a question that would get answers rationalizing you cheating?

You are young. Be honest with yourself and make a choice. This is when you are allowed to do that.

So should I be in a relationship at all right now? I am truly in love with girl #1, I just don’t want to commit long term to something that I might regret later (in that I didn’t get a shot with girl #2).
I know what love is and isn’t, and I love her. I need to find if I am so IN love with her that girl #2 shouldn’t matter. Correct?

The thought of hurting girl #1 makes me sick, and makes me stop thinking about this at all…honestly, what does that mean? My mind is a maze right now.

@Blondesjon I don’t see this question as asking for rationalizations to cheat. I assume he’s asking if he should stay with girl #1 or break up and pursue girl #2.

Always tell the truth to those you love. You must decide who you do, or maybe don’t. Is it love or lust?

@ineedsomemajoradvice you said it yourself right there, you’re in love with her and if you don’t want to hurt her shows that you lover her even more so you should just stay with girl #1

Augustlan, that is exactly right. That is the question I am asking….and, if I should cut it off with #1…how? I would be such a prick, and that is not how I am or how she or her friends/family perceive me!

@augustlan . . .He is in a safe place right now, but sees something exciting and new he’d like to pursue.

sounds vaguely cheaty to me

So…should I? I would be forfeiting the best relationship of my life over something that might/probably won’t pan out. I am torn, but at the same time I know I shouldn’t leave #1. I sometimes think about how I wish #1 would give me a reason to leave her so I could pursue #2, but that will never, ever happen, I am sure.

How old are the two of you?

@ineedsomemajoradvice . . .Do you really need a bunch of random. anonymous, folks on a Q&A site to tell you how to make decisions about your most personal of lives?

Life is full of choices. You can either not risk it and stay with this girl who you say you love, or you can not take the risk and live the rest of your life wondering “what if?”. Just keep in mind that if you do leave girl #1 and things don’t work out with girl #2, the chances are you will have lost your chance with girl #1.

I am 24, she is 21

girl 2 is 24 as well

Ok. At that age, are you seriously ready to commit the rest of your lives to each other? Has marriage been discussed? I’m only asking to further clarify your situation.

re: “So… should I?”

Take #2 out of the equation and then ask yourself what it is about your relationship with #1 that you hedge about. As Augustlan says, infatuations and crushes are normal so long as they don’t give you this much to think about. Ask yourself if you think more about the mutual friends, her family and the reputation of the relationship you both have had so far than what’s really between the two of you. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen go through to an engagement, wedding, pregnancy and still play the game because they’re too scared to stop and chance not having any of it yet they get into outside distractions. If it was another of us who posted this, would you read it and think, “let #1 go now, let them be open to someone who has no second thoughts, someone who knows they want #1 and no one else?”

hungry, that is pretty hard to ignore, I can’t lie. how can I explain this if I decide to end it? I am at a loss of words.

Whatever you do, don’t bring up girl #2 if you break up!
Just be honest about feeling restless and not ready for such a serious commitment.

I’d go with the girl in door number 2.

Definitely don’t bring up #2 or anyone else. Keep to the point of wanting to respect #1 and not wanting to go any further with the relationship since you’re not sure of yourself at this point in time being so serious with anyone.

So, all agreed, given what I’ve said, this is or isn’t a crush that should fade in the future?
Granted, and I think many are applicable to this, I have at times thought about some girls I know and girls she knows that I would have loved to know in my single days, but those all passed VERY quickly…this one has lasted almost 3 weeks now.

3 weeks?!!!! Are you serious??!! Are you sure you’re not just looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship??

Dear Abby used to say that as long as anybody else still looks good to you, you’re not ready to commit; or, as someone else said, “If there’s a doubt—there’s no doubt.”

It may also be true that no matter what Girl #1 feels for you, she wants to have more than one romance in her life. At your age you (both) simply may not be ready to say “No more new romances for me.”

I’M SERIOUS! Im not just looking for a way out…I am very happy and content, at least was until I met #2.

Jeruba, she is a “good girl” in every sense of the word. Small town girl, unlike me, who would like nothing more than to be with me, at least thats what she says and I believe 100%. She is perfectly happy with one and that it as far as I know, and we have talked EXTENSIVELY about it.

I feel that I really might not be ready to settle down yet, but I feel awful for that…she is, and I might not be, even though I told her numerous times I was…we have talked about the whole 9 yards in the relationship arena.
I just graduated college, she is still in with two more years to go. Girl 2 is my age and recent graduate as well.

That’s right, it’s hard when there’s thousands of beautiful fish in the sea.

Yeah, I don’t think you are ready to settle down yet. You guys are both very young and have a lot to live. You should never rush into anything. I’ve been with my bf for almost 3 years and we’re happy. No talk of marriage or settling down yet. There’s plenty of time for that. Plus, you guys haven’t been together that long. I’m sure she’ll understand.

Alright then. Thank you everyone for all of your help. I am pretty upset but I think that I needed to hear all this. I really appreciate the help.

Good luck.

Thank you! I need it…I really don’t think I have it in me to break up with her yet though. I might regret either choice for a long, long time.

@ineedsomemajoradvice remember you can’t miss something you never had

true.

I am your age, and I did the same thing almost. I was with a guy for six years, who was wonderful, sweet, and I could have married and probably had a happy life with. However, something was “off” and my gut told me that at this point in my life, he wasn’t he person for me. I am now dating someone i have known for a long time now, and i am happy and glad I made the decision I made even though it was VERY hard. Take a step back from girl #1 and take some time for yourself, ONLY yourself…then you can really see if life is better without her or with girl #2. But take the time to be by yourself and figure it out before you decide to jump into another relationship if that be ur decision.

Graduated…high school? Been dating Girl #1 for six months? You, sir, are not even close to being ready to settle down—with anyone. It’s time to tell your GF that the two of you should move on. Spend the next five years or so dating as many girls as you want. Take time to enjoy your youth and don’t try to grow up too soon. If it’s meant to be with either of these girls, they’ll still be around when you really are ready to settle down.