Mr. Daloon,
Thank you for contacting Harp’s Fluthering Services®, where you get what you pay for™.
We allow you to select the level of answer that best fits your needs. Choose from among the following quality response packages:
The Toss-off®—A clever little zinger of 7 words or less that, while it won’t actually provide a useful answer, is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
The Derailer®—Also won’t really answer your question, but will send your thread off in an interesting new direction.
The Ad Hominem®—Because hey, sometimes you just feel like getting spanked.
The Pulitzer®—A moving personal narrative based on actual life experiences in at least 175 carefully chosen words.
The Nobel®—Our finest package, guaranteed to please even the most discriminating jellies. Your inquiry will be exhaustively answered using fully credited references from meticulously vetted sources, links to illustrations and other web resources, all embedded in at least 6 full paragraphs of dense yet gripping prose.
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Testimonials:
“Thanks so much for the Toss Off®... I almost peed myself!”—AstroChuck
“Defanitly worth the investment”—gailcalled
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