What is your favorite 'Seinfeld' quote?
Asked by
J0E (
13172
)
June 16th, 2009
“The Dingo ate your baby” – Elaine
“I think I’m pretty much like you…only successful” – Jerry
“You’re KILLING independent George!” – George
“These pretzels are making me thirsty” – Kramer
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127 Answers
“Oh Moses smell the roses.”
-“You kept making all the stops?”
-“Well, they kept ringing the bell!”
Stella!
No soup for you!
I come home & find my son treating his body like it’s an amusement park!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
“Stick a fork in me, Jerry…i’m done.”
“Make love to that wall, pervert!”
@Les “You’re Batman!” “Yeah, i am Batman”
“And by the way… they’re real and they’re spectacular!”
I wish I had enough room to put every single thing Kramer ever said.
“Can’t you two see you’re in love with each other?”
“Rochelle Rochelle…a young girl’s strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk”
“Who’s having sex with the hen?”
“My home Elaine, my home!..where i come, to play with my toys!”
“What are you looking at? You never seen a kid in a bubble before?”
same episode: “Moops”
(smacks head)....ah, DOLORES!
I was frankly surprised he didn’t guess Regina.
“The last thing this guy’s qualified to give a tour of is reality.”
I am cracking up reading these quotes, I have forgotten about some of them.
“Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His life is a fantasy camp…don’t work, fall ass backwards into money, mooch off your neighbors and have sex without dating. People should pay 3 grand to live like HIM for a week!”
“I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it!”
“Ah haaah!”
@Poser nice. forgot that one!
K:“Every time you shave it, it comes in darker and thicker…”
J:“Oh, that’s an old wives’ tale!”
K:“Is it, Jerry, is it?! LOOK! LOOK!—-”
J: (falls back on wall, to floor, looks away in disgust)
“Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint…it’s delicious!” – Kramer
“Who told you to put on the balm?” – Jackie Chiles
“Is this a prophylatic wrapper?!”
“no soup for you!” and the related “JAMBALAYA!!”
“i love you NORMAN!”
“oh, i see you’re reading the Guide.”
“Yeah, ma, i’m a porn star. My name is Buck Naked.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
“Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?”
“that van’s a-rockin’!”
“Don’t go a-knockin’!”
—
“a counterclockwise swirl.”
“high five!?”
“I’m going to make people feel my gonnorhea.”
– Kramer
This was priceless:
“Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind, but…”
“But what?”
“Well, I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold…”
“Oh, you mean… Shrinkage.”
“Yes. Significant shrinkage.”
“So you feel you were shortchanged.”
“Yes. I mean, if she thinks that’s me, she’s under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.”
– George and Jerry, in “The Hamptons”
“Do women know about shrinkage?”
“What do you mean, like laundry?”
“No…”
“Like when a man goes swimming… Afterwards…”
“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”
– George, Elaine and Jerry, in “The Hamptons”
“I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should be… And more!”
“I’m sure it is.”
“Look, you don’t understand. There was shrinkage.”
– George and Jane, in “The Hamptons”
“I have to tell you something Jerry. This is the dullest moment I’ve ever experienced.”
“You made out during Schindler’s List?!”
“Is it a problem that I’m not really religious?”
“Not for me.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not the one going to hell.”
– Elaine and Puddy
So lemme get this straight: you find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair, in the receptacle. And you think to yourself, “What the hell, I’ll just eat some trash.”
@jonsblond
Putty was the best
Last episode, Elaine longingly looking back to Putty as she’s dragged of to jail
Elaine: Putty, don’t wait for me…
Putty: With his signature dry deadpan look…“All right”..walks away
“That must’ve been one magic loogie.”
Jerry
“Look away, I’m hideous…”
-Kramer
@SeventhSense Patrick Warburton has a great voice. You can always tell that it is him if he does a voice in a cartoon.
“Hello Newman”
That makes me laugh every time
@jonsblond
Yes, he has that super hero, family man type of detached manner. Very funny
Speaking of which, Mr Peterman was great too. The whole show was basically hilarious because it was filled with neurotic, self absorbed, self important, and eccentric people that we can all relate to. :)
“You’re not Jewish. You converted for the jokes!”
“Jerry, our people have always been opressed.”
“Seinfeld is the most overrated show in history!”
I said that.
So, you think you’re sponge-worthy?—Elaine
“i want to dip my head in oil and rub it all over your body.”
“Kenny? KENNY!”
“Who’s gonna think an immigrant had a pony?!”
I have watched a lot of Seinfeld shows trying to understand what people think is so funny. I didn’t laugh once. Not once.
I watched the “10 funniest shows” marathon. Not funny.
@filmfann Are you a robot, or perhaps an android?
Professor Chaos has arrived.
Well, I thought Seinfeld was really funny when I was first watching the episodes. If I try to watch them now, I pretty much agree with filmfann. They’re all really cheesy and outdated.
I think it may be the neurotic nature of the individual watching. I had a Jewish friend who couldn’t watch it because it made him nervous. Apparently it hit too close to real life for him!
I of course found that infinitely amusing.
It was as if the thought process was, “these people are like me…annoying but like me…” “wait…am I funny?” “This is stupid…I can’t watch this”
@Ivan Gee, I wonder why they are outdated…
“My boys need a home.”
“Anybody can take a reservation; the point is to hold the reservation.”
“I’m so keen-o on beef-a-reno…what a cuisine-o! fit for a king or queen-o!”
@janbb “yeah you better give me the insurance because I am going to beat the hell out of this thing.”
“He pulled ‘it’ out.”
“He pulled what out?”
“IT!”
—Jerry and Elaine
“can you spare a square?”
@eponymoushipster Either you’re reading from a Seinfeld quote book or you are a HUGE fan…either way, keep it up.
@J0E no, no book. no website. i love seinfeld and curb your enthusiasm.
“Do they have a big salad?”
“The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man at a deli, trying to send back soup.”
“Jimmy’s gunna get you, Kramer!”
”...it moved.”
“I’m George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”
@eponymoushipster
Curb your Enthusiasm was another classic. Funny and clever as hell.
“Larry, you ate the head off of baby Jesus?!”
@SeventhSense hands down winner – Loving *unt. well, that and “wide vagina”
“Vandalay Industries, Vandalay Industries!”
“A George divided against himself cannot stand.”
“You are sooooo goooood looking.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Sung (by George) to the tune of the theme song from The Greatest American Hero:
“Believe it or not George isn’t at home
Just leave a message at the beep
I must be out or I’d pick up the phone
Where can I be?
Believe it or not I’m not home.”
@SuperMouse
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Almost part of the vernacular at this point…classic
“Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.”
“People don’t just bump into each other and have sex. This isn’t Cinemax.”
“Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. Death is #2. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
“Yada, Yada, Yada.”
Jerry: Kramer, I can’t do that. It’s illegal.
Cosmo Kramer: It’s not illegal.
Jerry: It’s against the law.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, yeah…
Jerry- “But I don’t want to be a pirate!”
“I can feel his blood borrowing stuff from my blood.”
“POTATO SALAD!”
“Just what this city needs, another slow-moving form of transportation.”
“Dr. Pimple-popper!”
“What? What year is it? How long was I asleep?”
What a racist show…can’t believe you ppl still support it…
@BoyWonder that show was in no way racist, not even remotely. I hope your kidding.
“Ukraine is game to you?! Ukraine is not game! I am from Ukraine!”
“the Ukraine is not weak! The Ukraine is STRONG!”
“Yeah, it was an instructional video on how to make sausage.”
“What’s the deal with politics, I don’t get it, am I right?” – Kramer (doing a Jerry impression)
“Or is it that you don’t want him to know that you have a friend _who pees in the shower!?”
“IT’S ALL PIPES!”
Love Seinfeld but time to change the channel…:)
“Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. I made this whole meal in there.”
“This food was with you in the shower ?”
“Mmhmm. I prepared it as I bathed.”
“Germs!”
“have you ever seen a Schnitzer’s marble rye?”
“it’s like david duke and farakhan down there!”
“You double dipped the chip!”
“HELLO!”
“Hello, Uncle Leo.”
—
“I can’t accept this book. It’s been flagged. This book has been in the bathroom.”
“If there’s a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hold onto her like grim death…which is not far off, by the way.”
“He had a Penthouse in the waiting room!”
—
“You’re as pretty as any of those girls..you just need a nose job!”
“We’re just a couple of white people?!”
“I think so.”
“Hmm…wanna go to the Gap?”
“This son of a bitch is ICE cold.”
“let’s go see ‘em cut this fat bastard up.”
“You just bring it in sideways and…hook it.”
“I am going to sidle the sidler.”
“i have a secret to tell you about my bra.”
“Bawdy George…” “i love that George!” “Me too, Jerry, and you’re killing him!”
“A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
“Commie commie traitor to our country!”
“Just tell him you slept with his wife!”
“The jerk story called, and there running out of YOU!”
“You’re a…heart breaker…love taker…”
“That’s not gonna be good for business.”
“It’s like the red sun of Krypton in there. I’m working on no sleep no sleep.”
“SERENITY NOW!”
-
“This is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies, sitting
around, chewing gum.”
“It’s a Festivus miracle!”
“Skinny mirrors!”
“You are a very bad man. a very very bad man!”
“Mother’s Day – the mother of all mail days!”
I can’t believe we’ve missed this one:
“I am Cosmo Kramer the Assman”
@J0E classic. the part where the cop comes up when he parks, and he just points to the plate is solid gold.
“There’s no way i’m getting in that little bacteria frappe you have going on over there.”
one of my favorites:
“TCB, Jerry”
“What’s that?”
“taking care of business”
lol.
“You’re not giving away our water pik!”
“Is that a Titleist?”
“Well…a hole in one.”
<KNOCK KNOCK> “CHINESE FOOD!”
“Your mother and I have a catered affair.’
“one in a million, doc….one in a million.”
“That’s right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don’t smell.”
“H..E..DOUBLE N..I”
“Hate the Drake! Hate the Drake!”
“I’m out” – J0E
I can’t think of anymore, and Seinfeld is starting on TBS right now…
yeah, right. it’s the Drake one, too! later
How about “Breathtaking…”
“Stuff your sorries in a sack!”
“Look to the cookie!”
“You’re shmoopy!”
“No, you’re shmoopy!”
eskimo kisses
@filmfann I hate to disagree with you buddy, but this (very partial) list of quotes attests to the genius and endurance that is Seinfeld.
I always say “to each his own”, but I find myself watching Seinfeld re-reuns over and over, and laughing again and again – even when I practically know the lines by heart.
“These pretzels are making me thirsty”
“Gold Jerry, gold!”
Elaine describing the stinky car as a “vomitorium”
“When he pulls that needle out….i let the expletives fly!!”
@filmfann you are absolutely right about this!
Elaine: It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine reminds Fred Yerkes about a conversation which they had at a party, in which she talked about how her uncle worked in the book depository building with Lee Harvey Oswald. When her uncle said to him, “The president’s been shot,” Oswald winked at him and said, “I’m gonna go catch a movie.”
‘Delores!!!!’
I hate to be a poop but ‘Not that theres anything wrong with that’ annoys me. Why are people always falling all over themselves to show to others theyre ‘open minded’?
@Noel_S_Leitmotiv that line in and of itself was used to make that very point. they could never have done that episode (or, at least without serious difficulties) if they hadn’t said that.
everyone in the episode falls over themselves to say it, so as not to “offend”.
it’s like “The Contest” – they never said “masturbation” in that episode.
in a way, it was like the hitchcock of comedy: never show the actual thing, but dancing around it makes it more intense.
@Noel_S_Leitmotiv, I agree with @eponymoushipster on this one. The show was actually making your point, that why do people even feel the need to say something that should just be logically assumed, yet in our society where things are so PC, at times, particularly in a liberal stronghold such as NYC, one might feel compelled to point out that they are not prejudiced if they simply mention someone of a group to which they don’t belong. After all, Seinfeld was at it’s heart a show about how people perceived the characters on the show, one could expect that if a character on Seinfeld had NOT issued that particular caveat, some other peripheral character would accuse them of homophobia. I saw it as a commentary on the fact that some people who consider themselves to be so “enlightened” are just as judgmental as people who don’t, it’s just that they tend to be judgmental about people who can’t quite live up to the same standard they have chosen for themselves. In other words, the point of the show and the characters saying “not that there’s anything wrong with that” was not to indicate that there was nothing wrong with homosexuality…indeed it was meant to show that this premise should be a foregone conclusion about this show, and the point was that some issues among politically correct liberals are so “hot-button” that one feels the need to overclarify his position. I thought it was brilliant social satire.
Hey! does anyone know in what episode Elaine goes out with a guy who “pulls it out” and then tells Jerry all about it? You commented about it, but I want to see the episode and I can’t seem to find it. There’s people who don’t believe me and I want to show it to them… thanx!! Please help me! haha
The noise that came out of Elaine’s boyfriend’s saxophone ;)lol!Rock on John Germaine!
Snapple?
No. Too fruity.
The jerkstore called. They’re running out of you.
What’s the difference? You’re their all time best seller.
No soup for you!
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