Holidays always seem to bum me out. What's a good way to deal with them?

I do better on holidays with control. Throw the party, make the plans, invite people over. Having expectation of other people is unfair to them, and usually results in disappointment.

Options:

— Wallow.

— Celebrate.

— Ignore.

For the first, you can have a few beers or other intoxicants, play some blue-mood music, and think about being lonesome until you feel even worse. You can even go out and do this in public someplace.

For the second, you can really get into the spirit of the holiday all by yourself, watch fireworks on TV, go out to a live display, play patriotic music on the radio or other device, and blow up something minor or get some sparklers going.

For the third, you just make like it’s any other day and do whatever you might have done otherwise: do laundry, watch TV, play with fluther, go for a walk or a ride, burn up some time with a game, read a book, watch a movie.

I’ve done all of the above at one time or another. Each is fun in its own way. Why not try whichever one you haven’t done before?

What I find contributes more than anything else to the frustration of the holidays is the disconnect between the expectations and the actuality.

So @Jeruba‘s three options boil down to, roughly:

* Adjust your expectations so that you expect to be miserable, and celebrate accordingly.

* Adjust your expectations so that you expect to be alone, and celebrate accordingly.

* Adjust your expectations so that you expect nothing different from another day, and celebrate accordingly.

I tend to go for the third option most of the time, myself.

Oh, so true. It’s the expectations that’ll kill you every time. Most of life’s pain comes in the gap between the Oughta-Be and the Is.

Still, no matter what others do, you can always choose what you do. One lonesome Fourth when my date fell through, I walked down to the Charles River and joined the crowd of families and students and urban singles and everybody else on the Cambridge side and just got caught up in the fun of watching the fireworks being launched from the river. After a few minutes I was enjoying it so much that I really didn’t care whether I was “with” anyone or not. Then I went home and listened to the 1812. Having no date is a hell of a lot better than having a lousy date, which is how it had been the year before.

I just sit back and listen to some mellow music… I try to stay mellow and not think too much about how lonely I am and of what I can do to turn things around. Playing a few songs on my guitar is usually how I cope with things, and it honestly helps me a lot to not get too down about things. Talking to other people helps a lot, too. You can tell them what’s up or just chat. That also helps me out. I usually get bummed out around the holidays, too, so I know what it’s like. Happy Fourth of July!

Work instead of taking a holiday then. Write a book, do something constructive and DO NOT wallow in self pity, it’s a steady decline once you’ve started

I have had that exact experience you describe, and it is not fun. My best holiday times have occurred when I have done in advance what PandoraBoxx suggested. I try to plan the holiday I want.

Take a dog and go for a walk. When someone stops you to comment on or pet your dog, start talking to them. Introduce yourself. Meeting someone new will give you energy and ease emptiness. Someone suggested this to me in a thread where I asked about meeting new people recently.

People stop me to ask about the dogs all the time. I usually do not pursue much conversation, but I gritted my teeth and did it yesterday. Now I have met someone who is a member of a book group that I may join.

I bet you are not totally alone. I bet you have a dog or dogs, loser. Great companions. I never go out on Fourth of July, because one of mine is afraid of fireworks.

Best of all, it’s a one-day holiday not a season so now it is already over.

Coldstone Icecream friends? :) Ha.

I usually let myself wallow for that day. Then when I go to bed that night I make up my mind that the next day will be better and I just won’t let myself be sad. It usually works. Sometimes you just need to let yourself be sad and know that it’s ok.

Or if I feel a wave of depression coming on I throw myself into something, usually something like excercising. I don’t know if you are much of a runner but I like to just run when I have a lot on my mind. It gives me time to be alone and just push all that heavy feeling off my chest. I guess it sounds weird if the problem is being lonely, but I find myself lonely frequently and it works for me.

Normally though when I am feeling sorry for myself because I miss my family I think about people I know that have it worse and it puts my life in perspective. But that’s also when I give myself one day to be sad…

I tend to be my own psychiatrist at times… I am often alone and the only one I can depend on.