How do you handle discouraging comments of other people?

usually i ignore them
at times tho listening to those comments make me feel angry and usually later on i try to become a better person and laugh at the person who said those rude things to me

It takes a lot of strength to ignore that kind of thing if it comes from someone you trust and respect. I think I would quickly lose both trust and respect for someone who told me something so blatantly discouraging.

Classmates (around the age of 13). They bully me constantly…

always remember usually there are other people around that feel the same way you do. There is strength in numbers hang with those who treat you with respect stand strong against people who lack self control. Don’t allow an unhappy person to say or do things that push your buttons and bring you down. People will see you ignoring comments and actions that are toxic to you and think to themselves thats how they wish they could handle stress. Hopefully others will stand beside you to help but if not remember you are never alone, others have been in your shoes and have survived. Be strong and stand up for your friends and yourself. Your way ahead of the game just by trying to get the right answers to some of lifes difficult situations.
Best of luck remember to use your mind its the most powerful tool you have.

Also, keep in mind that in 10 or 15 years’ time, they’ll be coming to you with resumes in hand asking for jobs. :-)

One attitude that can work is to listen as if they can’t possibly have any idea what the truth is, because ultimately, they can’t, unless you let their words have meaning.

The very last label I would think of to describe you is “dumb.” You are, in my opinion, one of the smartest 13 year olds I have ever had the pleasure to meet. And your English as a second language is already better than that of many English-speaking people. Perhaps these boys are jealous of your scholastic achievements. Sometimes, being really intelligent is considered, stupidly, uncool.

That said, being bullied is horrible and hard to ignore, no matter what you tell yourself. I just got flamed
privately on Fluther recently in a really exceptionally vitriolic way, that seemed unjustified and over-the-top. It stung for several days until I was able to get some perspective.

Can you take some Martial Art courses or do some weight-training in order to bulk up, grow large muscles and scare the bullies?

You have a huge fan club here (with me as Madame President).Please remember that.

I’m a fan too Klaas4!! You are a wonderfully curious and intelligent young man!!!

I don’t know if there is anything which we can tell you that will make a difference in your life. The reason is that the advice and the strategies which we adults offer teenagers, are based on tools that we get when we grow up. For example, ignoring people or joining groups which are similar to yourself is fine when you are an adult because you have two things: money and mobility. When we are confronted with bullies as adults (YES, believe it or not, those jerks never go away…) we can do a lot of stuff to avoid dealing with them. We can move, change jobs, hang out with different people, spend time with our families, etc. Some of us spend money to convince ourselves or the bully that we are someone who shouldn’t be picked on. (Cars, gadgets, gym memberships, etc) But honestly speaking Klaas4, I lot of us still can’t manage to shake the bullies around us. We turn to alcohol, or drugs or allocate our time doing things which are not positive to our lives.

My only advice for being in school and being surrounded by bullies?
You probably can’t escape them. (Yeah, I know everyone….GASP! Don’t say that, you might hurt his fragile ego! No way, this kid is smart, he needs to hear the truth.)

Klaas4, for a lot of people the only way to get through Junior High School and High School is by taking a fat red marker and each evening when you get home from school crossing out each day on the calendar. Before you know it, months pass and then years and you are out…....

In other words, endurance. (Kinda like a prison sentence….heheheh)
But during that time, not every day will be bad. Sometimes those bullies will find other people to pick on. Other times, you might have a pretty great day when someone says something nice to you or you do great on a test. Either way, being able to put a X on the calendar means that you got one step closer to graduation.

In addition to above comments, I highly recommend pursuing something you’re passionate about in and/or out of school. I see computers and music in your profile – any particular computer project or instrument or ensemble(s) would be perfect examples. Your own happiness, confidence, self-worth, purpose, goals, life vision….. etc etc… will (sooner or later) outweigh others’ comments. It’s more interesting, fun, and fulfilling than checking off the days (waiting for time to pass – pretty depressing, but can happen) – and it will really, really pay off in the long run because you’ll have something you’re deep into, have knowledge about, skills, experience, etc…. even just a few years from now!

Also, generally focusing on doing well in school, and developing friendships with people you do like are very important. That well-roundedness and overall success in school is good for obvious reasons of knowledge, confidence, and moving forward in your education, and having positive social interactions balances out (or cancels out?) the experiences you’re describing. Friends can get closer over time, and the more time you spend with them (between fun times, deep conversations, and working things out between you), the more social skills you have and the more capable you are emotionally to handle this stuff. And as above, maybe your friends will stick up for you! Or at very least you can be hanging out together while ignoring the bullies.

Working on all of these things will have positive consequences for years to come – learning to defend yourself (internally, verbally), having friendships, having other relationships, .... Even evaluating criticisms to look for truths (no reason to be scared of this – it’s VERY empowering to find truth – major, or tiny kernel of truth – in a negative comment and improve something about yourself!! that ‘mean’ person just helped you become a better person!!) and misplaced issues that have nothing to do with you (very likely that an insecure 13 year old is just dumping meaningless crap on you) all helps you learn and grow and develop yourself, which we’re all doing (hopefully) no matter what age!

You can’t do that, because you’re dumb.

As you can see by the above posts many here agree that you are not dumb, far from it.
Keep believing in yourself, and do what you believe in.

You can do absolutely nothing!

You are already doing something. You are 13 having relevant and meaningful conversations with adults, at least in age, ranging from young adult to ancient, no offense intended.

Don’t be such a coward!

Statement often made by someone who wants you to participate in something wrong or foolish. You are not a coward if you stand up for what you believe in, especially when chastised by your peers.

Thank you all for your great answers, thank you. I was crying in front of my computer :’-)

Thank you all, I’m going to read this all in detail when I come back. Must go now, 8:30am here, I’m going to my grandpa/grandma.

Again, thank you.

@ironhighways;

Harumph! My mother at 93 is the ancient one. I am feeling pretty spry still…but no offense taken. (OK- maybe a little :->) Gail

Davey; keep on venting to us. Do you move to a new school soon, or are you stuck with these jerks for 4 more years? Look up the psychological reasons for being a bully on one of the Dutch search engines. Understanding the behavior of these guys is helpful but you will still feel hurt…we all do when insulted, no matter how old.I guess that is part of life.

hope things have been smooth sailing, if not keeping letting good friends and family help you out. No one can do it alone. Good luck lil bro.

Boy, do I wish I had fluther friends 50 years ago when I went through the bullying! Good job, guys!!

klaas4, stay strong! When I was in grade school, I had a terrible and very mean bully in my class who made me so miserable that I cried almost every day. She said many of the same things to me that you describe above. She tried to make me feel unattractive, stupid, clumsy, awkward and “weird.” I tried hard to ignore her, but it still hurt. The truth is, “weird” is a word used to describe anyone who doesn’t conform. But in my own experience, it’s those weird people who go on to be successful, and the “normal” ones end up so painfully boring and unadventurous that they often don’t end up contributing much to society. As for the girl who had made me so miserable in school— I ran into her on the subway in New York City many years later and she was embarassed to talk with me because she told me she had heard I had gotten into a great university and had gone one to many successful things, and she had nothing going well in her life.

First, think you are special individual with unique abilities.
Try to redirect you thinking for each negative phrase, put it in a positive contest or make a joke out of it. Think positive thinking=positive attitude. You are already a great and special young boy!

Thank you. Since this school year, the bullying did get less. I’ve been making friendships with lots of people and have grown much in social relations. I’ve been more open to others and have looked at things way more positive as before.

What this means for handling bullies is that I have more people to count on. It’s like the bully/friend-ration changed. Being more open has been a huuuuge change for me, but it has really ‘opened my doors’.

So thank you all very much. But please, do keep posting. It’s really interesting and good to discuss this aks it will happen to you all your life.

Davey.