Are some people just very naive?

You really can’t generalize half of the world’s population, so no, it’s not just women that can be that way. Men can also.

Yes, some people are that naive (including some guys). He may have to do something disrespectful to your relationship in order for her to see it.

I think you have a different question than the one you asked.

Your girlfriend might just be trying to spare your feelings. Maybe she is dealing with this in a different way than you would or expect. Just ask her. If you are worried about her, tell her.

“Do some women really think obsessive guys like these are actually just desperately trying to be your friend,”

Yes, some women do. Some guys have the same problem.

“are you all smart enough to realize that when a guy is trying this hard it means he wants you but you’re too nice to tell him off?”

Obviously he wants to be with her in one way or another. However, many girls are taught not to tell people off even though they are perfectly aware that someone wants them. Our assumption is that you can express polite disinterest so the guy in question eventually “gets it” that he is not going to get lucky. Obviously this guy doesn’t “get it.”

Of course, you could always track him down and threaten him in a manly manner. Or you could let your GF cope with it.

My husband tells me I’m naive when it comes to men and them wanting to “get in my pants” Apparently I give the benefit of the doubt too often, and when I think someone actually wants to be my friend, they want more. It’s not really being naive, in my opinion…it’s being trusting.
But yes, some people are naive.

Women have a lot invested in “being nice.” It starts in childhood when boys who misbehave in class are labeled “active,” or “rambunctious,” but girls are “bad.” “Nice” girls are rewarded by positive reinforcement.

Give your girlfriend some material to read on how controlling relationships start. “They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment.” (Substitute texting.)

She needs to be very firm with the guy. It would be good if she had you with her.

She can say something like this: “I am flattered by your interest, but I wanted you to meet my boyfriend, Name, so you would understand that I am in a happy, committed relationship. I hope you find someone who is right for you.”

Thanks for changing the question title :)

I will first say for the most part, it is 50/50 for both sexes. But…

Sorry ladies, you are by nature nurtures. In order to care as you do, you need to “trust” taking your focus away from right and wrong in order to care or nurture.
Putting you in a more susceptible place to become i.e. naive.

In general, naive is is process of not knowing. Hate to use the word ignorance.
Or being blinded to the facts, as you know them in comparison as to what I think I know.

Look. It clearly bothers you. If you don’t feel you can raise the issue with your gf, then it seems like there are other issues in your relationship you should be concerned about. If she listens to you, and assures you that she can handle the situation, and if she can’t, she’ll ask your help, I think you should accept that at face value.

If she acts like she’s hiding something, or says she is really more interested in this guy than you think, then that’s a bridge to be burned when you get to it.

You would probably feel more comfortable talking to her about this, and telling her your take on the nature of the male personality, but as everyone says, this is about individuals, you and her and the other dude, not about making generalizations about guys. You don’t know the guy. You don’t know what motivates him. He could be obsessive. He could be a social retard. Like I say, talk to your gf.

Yes, some girls do think that some guys are desperately trying to be there friends just like some girls think that just because a guy says hello, he’s trying to hit on her.

She may also just be too nice to be mean to him and tell him to go away.

@daloon I’m in no way bothered by her. When I raise it with her she doesn’t get defensive or argue back. It’s like she knows I’m right but she’s hoping suddenly this guy’ll smarten up before anything happens. I on the other hand am a guy myself and know many guys and how our minds work. I don’t want anything to have to happen to her before she gives up hoping this guy isn’t a complete creep. It doesn’t bother me, He bothers me.

“Yes, some girls do think that some guys are desperately trying to be there friends just like some girls think that just because a guy says hello, he’s trying to hit on her.”

If a guy is saying hello to you he is more often then not. Hitting on you.

She might not be as naive as you think. Since she has continually declined invitations from this guy and tries her best not to encourage his talking to her, it seems she realizes that this guy’s actions and insistence are bordering on inappropriate. Girls are a lot smarter about these things than people give us credit for, and we pick up on a lot. It sounds to me like she’s saying he’s just “overly friendly” to try to get you to not worry too much and to come off as if it doesn’t bother her. I would try not to worry about this, she’s obviously not interested, and if it gets too far she can tell him to lay off.

@TabernakAttack – Are you being a bit jealous? Or simply a bit over-protective? What do you expect will have to happen to her if she continues to politely reject his advances?

Perhaps he just has Asperger’s and so has impaired social skills.

@ChazMaz Not necessarily, a lot of times I come across guys who just say hello or hi or good morning, and it never goes past that. I’ve also made friends with guys at school and they didn’t hit on me either. I think some girls just think they’re too pretty and everybody wants them and that’s not necessarily the truth.

Is she afraid if she is mean to this guy he might do something to harm her and she is just hoping he will go away on his own?

@Darwin If he does have a syndrome like that then that’s not my problem, and it shouldn’t have to be hers. If it’s being over-protective of me to not want her and him alone together, then so be it. I do not trust this guy. She works in a kitchen full of mostly guys who are now her friends and I have no problem with her hanging out with them whenever she wants to. It’s just the guy who is obsessing over her who I do not want her being around.

I think some women are naive – as are some men – but I also think some women are not inclined to think that men find them attractive. I know this was the situation with me. When I asked this question, it was after I had talked to my boyfriend about the situation. He raised an eyebrow and told me this guy probably wants more than I am willing to give. Until he said that it never even occurred to me.

As @Marina said, it can be difficult for women if they think they are going to hurt someone’s feelings. We have been conditioned our whole lives to be kind and maybe even a bit passive. When it comes to men, some women have been more wounded in this way than others.

@TabernakAttack – Until it starts to bother her and she asks for your help, you are being overprotective and a bit obsessive yourself.

” I come across guys who just say hello or hi or good morning, and it never goes past that”
Yes, it never got past that. But they were still hitting up on you.

“I’ve also made friends with guys at school and they didn’t hit on me either.”
There is a time and place for everything.

Do some people really think obsessive guys like these are actually just desperately trying to be your friend, or are you all smart enough to realize that when a guy is trying this hard it means he wants you but you’re too nice to tell him off?

For me, at least, it’s a mixture. Sometimes, I miss it completely. Sometimes, I’m really just too nice (or he’s too nice, so I don’t want to hurt his feelings). Sometimes, that kind of attention makes me feel special or pretty or whatever, so I don’t want him to lay off. Sometimes I deny to myself that that’s what he’s trying to do simply because I don’t want to believe it.

For bonus points, does anyone think I’m getting bothered over nothing or would you have done something by this point?

I don’t think you’re being bothered by nothing; it seems to me that there’s definitely something going on. I do think you’re too worried though, and you need to let her deal with him. She doesn’t seem to have trouble turning him down, so he’s nothing that you should be threatened by. If she starts having longer conversations with him, spending time with him, progresses to phone calls rather than texting, etc., etc., then you might want to talk to her about it.

Lol! Okay, so maybe you can’t just make friends with girls without expecting more but I’m not going to judge all guys because one person thinks all guys are like him.

I actually believe men and women can have a meaningful friendship without being involved intimately.

“I actually believe men and women can have a meaningful friendship without being involved intimately.”
No one said hitting up would lead to intimacy. But…

Good example to the question.

Is that your picture? You seem friendly. I would like to be your friend.

@ChazMaz lol!

yeah bud like mentioned before, you can’t generalize. For example, I’ve known this one girl since I was in 7th grade, never really felt she was anything more than my best friend. Most of the boyfriends she’s had with the exception of one or two, hasn’t liked me because they say the exact same thing as you. I think it’s a pretty funny thought really, me and her would be a terrible couple regardless. We have hooked up once or twice in the past but those were just resultants of too much tequila(we were both single, in case you’re wondering). so I feel me and her are perfect examples of how your generalization isn’t always true.

“We have hooked up once or twice in the past but those were just resultants of too much tequila”
Dude! Come on… LOL
You proved my point, and are trying to make some lame excuse.

@ChazMaz: I have friends who are guys who I would never hook up with, tequila or no. Obsessive guys are bad, even when they’re obsessed with thinking that anyone with a penis is hitting on your girlfriend or thinking that her friends are only around because they want to tread on territory and bone your girl. Chill out. Trust her a little.

It is not about trust. It is about human nature. Better to be safe then sorry.

You have to see the big picture, sometimes it is not about your desire to hook up, but what their desire is..
All it takes is the wrong place and the wrong time. It can happen often enough just being in the wrong place. Then you want to add to the equation of indirectly and possibly setting yourself up?
I am chill’in just giving some worldly advice.

Here is an extreme example. But it can happen to anyone especially if you choose to be naive.

Have a friend, she had plenty of guy friends. She said they were just friends. Her stories wreaked of her being in a closer then she should have been situation. Once she announced she was getting a divorce all the guys were lining up to make their move. But she quickly, before they had a chance, met someone. All, her guy friends were pissed off. She was so naive she did not see why even when she could see it. She still wanted to believe so badly that guys could be friends. Good close friends.
Well, three rapes later….. Ya know what?
If you are single that is another story. You are a free agent, but understand men want to meet you. ;-)

Nothing wrong with guy co worker friends. Or guys hanging out with all of you in a crowd.
Go out with your girlfriends. If you want to go to lunch with just your guy friend, or hang out together on the weekend. Just the two of you. You have been warned. Unless you want to develop an intimate relationship. But you have been warned. :-)

Been around the block too many times. Some of you girls are on your game.
Some of you have man issues, this desire to be around them.
As a man, I like to be around women. I either find one to have by my side or I am looking for one.
And if you cant be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

@ChazMaz: Whoa. You’re saying I can’t have close male friends without being raped? Wonderful. Honestly, wtf. I definitely have close male friends who I hang out alone with, and I have yet to be raped, thank you very much. If I have guys who are just friends with me because they want to sleep with me, I’m pretty sure I’ll figure that out and, assuming that I’m not interested, that friendship will be over. I’m not going to be used like that.

“You’re saying I can’t have close male friends without being raped?”
No that is what you are saying. But, you want to play with fire, will will eventually get burned.
I also said some of you ladies are on your game. I will give you that label.

lol we hooked up when we were both single and in highschool, and after we knew each other for 5 years, that hardly proves your point what so ever.

So it has to happen in the first 5 min.? I never said that.
It could be next week, next month, or 5 years later. Ignorance is bliss.
The set up can take time. Right place right moment.
You are all big boys and girls do what you want. After all it is just about what you want. Hopefully you understand the consequences.
The question is, do you want to take the risk? Of is it, no one is going to tell me what I can and cant do?
No one is. Just giving you solid advice. Does not work, delete.

no I’m not saying it must happen in the next five minutes. I’m saying if your girlfriend breaks up with you sometime down the road there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her having relations with some one else while she’s single.
And furthermore, as I’ve said before, myself and this girl don’t look at eachother romantically what so ever, and we never have. But you’re right, if your girlfriend knows one single guy she COULD cheat on you. If she wants to have other male friends aside from you, that’s not up to you, if she likes the kid as a friend perhaps you should trust her judgment…

maybe you’re the naive one
and she understands more than you give her credit for

Not only, or is it about that she COULD cheat on me. She could put herself in a situation she would not be able to get out of.

Oh, ok. You run with that one.
It is not about trust. It is about human nature. It is about trusting each other to stay away from risky situations. Do you wear a seat belt because you know you will get in to an accident?
You wear one because of what will or can happen that might not be in your control to correct.
She understands that by wanting a relationship. Some things have to change, not because she has to but because she wants to. Relationships are about give and take. They are about the couple not the group.
And, if she wants to hang with her “guy friends”, it has to be adjusted or I am not that important. Time to re evaluate the relationship. I know the risks, but, if she does not. Not interested in dating a naive woman.
That goes both ways. I am saying, wear your seat bet.

I thinks he likes her a lot, and if you were ever to leave her; he hopes he can swoop in and replace you. I’ve experienced it myself, and with friends-too many times. I think you should keep your eyes on the ball and continue to be special to her and not let it bother you.