What would be the first sentence of your autobiography?

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“I was born at a very young age.”

“Dedicated to everyone who didn’t know me and wish they had.”

Please don’t make as big of a deal about my death as you did with Michael Jacksons.

Either that or some sentence with the spelled wrong. I always spell it “teh”!

It was a dark and stormy night…

”Read at your own Risk”

There is nothing wrong with your eye sight, so do not attempt to adjust your vision.

“Yes, it’s true I have moved on to the land of the dead”
OR
“Stop your crying and go read a fucken book or something”

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

Born naked, died naked, it’s all a matter of planning.

The beauty and closeness of the fish below us in the boat were terrifying.

The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play.

My parents were professional puppeteers, my sister a cloistered nun, my brother a Trekkie, and me: a hippie stranded in an ultra-conservative wasteland.

I do not promise this will be interesting.

It would be hard to believe today that she was a quiet kid.

When I was seventeen, walking across a playground on a night that felt like absolution, I looked up, and fell into the stars.

Don’t call me Ishmael.

It was a hell of a ride…but not over yet, as I am assuming I am writing this while still alive.

“I wonder if any of us is capable of telling the truth.”

I was a fat boy with a good sense of humor.

Did you really pay $25.99 for this? Did you check how much it was at Costco?

Edit: realized my quip was already used earlier in the thread

That’s the problem with clichés: they’re clichéd :)

@Jayne if only there was such a thing as a unique cliche

“My earliest memories are of memories.”

“There were no survivors.”

I’m an ordinary girl living an extraordinary life.

Read on.

I was born a poor black child.

Life is a series of bad decisions,.......

Then I had an idea.

Why did you buy this?

I drank my first beer when I was four.

@give_seek

I can’t beat that, in fact I still don’t drink, but I did have sex at 9.

To whom it may concern:

@DrBill
did you like it?

@ragingloli

Very Much