How do you tell if someone is being snobbish because they're really arrogant or they're just shy?

You can NOT unless you get to know them. My daughter is extremely shy and I can’t tell you how many times neighbors in my building thought she was arrogant until they got to know her.

There is a difference in demeanor. Those who are shy are like that with anyone they don’t know. If, for example, you met them at a party, you would see them avoiding contact and making short, quiet answers.

Arrogant snobs act totally differently to those they think are equal or above their self-declared station and those they disdain.

Reach out to them to try to get to know them without being overbearing (as that would put off a shy person and then you’ll never know). Start with small, short conversations, and over time, that will become easier for them if they are really shy. you can take cues from the types of things they say about others along the way.

Shyness often is mistaken for arrogance.

What everyone already said. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been accused of being an arrogant ass simply because I was shy. You have to get to know someone first. Arrogance will show up immediately, shyness is also easy to figure out from body language once you get to know someone.

Agreed with everyone.

This happened to me a lot in grade school. I was painfully shy yet often mistaken for arrogant. Add to that I earned very good grades without a lot of effort and I was target number one for bullying.

Truth was, I was just petrified of talking to people, socially inept, and school was just easy.

Why do you want to know? Would you be polite to someone you thought shy and rude to someone you thought arrogant? Someone else’s demeanor shouldn’t affect yours. Someone who is a little distant might be so for any number of reasons. It may have nothing to do with their attitude. It is alwys best to be polite and if someone is not responding to you, don’t assume it is about you.

@galileogirl well I wouldn’t personally get on with anyone that was arrogant so…that would want me to steer clear of them… it wouldn’t necessarily change the way I act I just wouldn’t want to be around them… and if you are a bit shy yourself you don’t want to be approaching a potentially arrogant person, but you would probably approach another shy person like yourself.

I was often accused of being arrogant like many others here and am simply not very confident in social situations… If there was a way to tell, I’d like to know it too… Having said that if someone approached me I’m not that shy to not open up a little… (but some people would be… so they might need a little bit more teasing out of their shell)

I think if you are a compassionate being you could probably tell an arrogant person within the first couple of minutes…but a shy person might leave you with a little mystery…

@lynneblundell My point is I only have control over my actions and attitudes and my behavior has nothing to do with deciphering the motivations of others-treat everyone the same. It has nothing to do with being compassionate, it has to do with being civil and courteous no matter the other person projects

I’m with @galileogirl on this one.

What is this “shyness” (am i saying that right) you speak of?