Is it okay to have a relationship with your superior?

Yeah, I’d probably go for it. I wouldn’t if I was the superior, though… wouldn’t want to be accused of sexual harassment.

It all depends on how important your job is to you.

nope, too creepy. If I had to see my boss naked, then seen him at work, eeew! I think relationships with co-workers is even too creepy. There are enough fish in the sea to not cast my net at my place of employment.

@fireinthepriory but is it sexual harassment if you’re not harassed…

Why the fluther were smack and I’s replies removed?

When I supervised and managed, I felt it important to treat subordinates equally and fairly. If I slept with one, well, I would need to sleep with each of the others. How could I possibly get any constructive work done?

A very poor idea, in my opinion, because of all the unwanted consequences, from upsetting your peer relationships to favoritism and reverse favoritism to awkwardness when it ends. Sometimes it turns out all right for someone—for instance, for one woman I knew whose boss divorced his wife and married her (not so great for the wife)—but more often it is just messy, or worse, can cost someone his or her job.

[mod says] As has been mentioned before and as stipulated in the Fluther guidelines, personal attacks as well as chatty comments will be removed.

“I’s”? The word is “my.”

[non-mod says] a) My comment was not a personal attack.
b) My comment was not chatty, as it directly pertained to the topic of discussion.

@smack No, definitely not! But anytime you sleep with someone you’re supervising, it could be interpreted as coercion, etc… I just wouldn’t want to run that risk by sleeping with someone who worked under me. I’m sure not everyone feels this way! :) I’d be down for sleeping with my boss though.

A manager/subordinate relationship creates a conflict of interests and is inappropriate in a professional working environment.

I hope so. My wife is my superior in all ways.

@fireinthepriory Yeah, I see no problem with the situation.. but now that I look at it, I know that he runs the risk of losing his job. Which is far more important than my replaceable one.

It’s not a good idea, in my opinion. There is just too much room for impropriety, fodder for the rumor mill, and even unprofessionalism (at least for me – the military frowns on supervisor/subordinate relationships). If the relationship affects your work ethic or productivity and causes conflicts with others in your workplace, it could end up being detrimental for many instead of just the two people involved with each other.

So I should probably break it of with Father Jones huh?

I remember my girlfriend in Graduate School, she was one of the the few and proud to be in the Forestry School. The Silvics teacher thought so too, when she unwittingly enjoyed his advances, it came to a point where it was now, or nothing. She abhorred the egregious seduction attempt, and lost total respect for him. He really didn’t like the response, and I too then felt the wrath. She got an ‘F’ , and I got a ‘D’ on the final exam- no we did not deserve those grades. And that was only the first episode of tenured professors taking there position seriously.

It’s pretty much how you get promoted.

@richardhenry….I certainly hope I am not your boss when you have aspirations. See ya…wtf

@richardhenry, I like your attitude. Hahahahahha.

Ok, that was weird. My comment just disappeared. I’ll try this one more time.

If I acted on the strong feelings I ever had regarding my one time manager I wouldn’t have ended up in his bed due to it. I’d be serving 25 to life. Cheers!

No – it’s not o.k. Find another job and then have a relationship.

The strong feelings mean it’s already gone too far. Both parties are only fooling themselves if they think no one in the place realizes it, either. This includes the boss’s boss.

The boss is in a VERY vulnerable legal position. The subordinate can someday lie (as in, when he’s no longer interested in her) and say he constantly harassed her (Heck! She’s got the love emails to prove it!). He’ll get fired and blow his career.

The subordinate can be the world’s best worker, but the boss can never promote her because others will claim favoritism. They can sue the company.

Believe me, a relationship like this can have dire consequences. Better for one party to transfer out or just leave.

@cyndyh , why would the relationship make you go to jail??

Bad idea. If the relationship goes bad, you’re stuck in a bad position.
Years ago, a friend of mine told me her ex-bf just became her boss, and she laughed about how she could now say that she blew the boss.
Relationships are just hard enough with the extra dose of drama.

I considered having a relationship with one of my supervisors. It wasn’t expressly forbidden by company policy, but I eventually decided against it. I felt like it would be giving extra power to him in the relationship, and the balance would not lend itself to good communication.

It is ok, if one of you decide to find another job.

@cyndyh yeah, why WOULD you be in jail? Additionally, I’m not talking about legal aspects… I’m talking about your moral compass here.

I just thought of another problem. You make the move on the boss and another employee ALSO had desires on him and felt he had the same for her. That would make one HELL of a problem.

It’s about as okay as you both can keep it. Things to keep in mind though.

Don’t let co workers know
If people suspect and ask then don’t tell even if you know they know- don’t tell
If the involvement doesn’t pan out as either of you would have liked then you have to swallow pride and go on, not make any moves of public hurt or retaliation
Be on very guarded behavior as far as PDA goes

@whatthefluther I unfortunately run a small company. Ben and Zack described the hiring process as “intrusive, embarrassing, yet strangely tingly and pleasant”.

I think it really depends. It’s easy if you work for a corporate company, and you or your significant other can transfer to another location, or do something else in the company.

I think it’s fine, but you will have to deal with any reprocussions of your actions. If you break up, you must think about how this will affect the rest of your career, and the career of your SO.

I dated an instructor at my college. I was a teaching assistant for the class he taught. At the time, I saw nothing wrong with this. In fact, if it hadn’t been for our 13 year age difference, I don’t see why our relationship couldn’t have continued, especially after the class ended.

@hungryhungryhortence, for those who can’t avert (or haven’t averted) such a relationship, your advice is wise. “PDA” = ?

@Jeruba PDA = public display of attention

Ah. Or maybe “affection”? Thanks, @shilolo. All I could think of was that she meant watch your text messages and e-mail, which is probably another good idea.

@SirBailey and @smack : There is more than one way to “act on strong feelings” toward someone. Seriously. Use your imagination. :^>