1 week until my wife leaves for Alaska. How am I going to survive?

First, she sounds wonderful.

Second, does she make any type of foods that are good frozen and then reheated? Are you allowed access to the microwave? Please, please don’t live off of Ramen noodles. What about simple things like sandwiches, can you make sure you have that stuff on-hand?

While she’s gone, why don’t you plan something special for her arrival home. Some kind of project or just have a romantic evening ready for her – take out dinner, included. Something special, something different.

Do you read or like certain types of movies? Any that she’s not a huge fan of, rent those and watch them. That’s the time that I have to watch my movies – mainly, The Princess Bride. don’t judge me, I’m not judging you! ;~)

Do we need to remind you to eat? I’m a mom, I can do this…I think.

Order pizzas for the week. Toss a few slices in the nuke waver and you have a meal.

Multiple alarm clocks. I use a couple on the other side of the room to get me out of bed. And I set them to static on the radio.

Lots of phone calls. Have her call and have a conversation while you eat. Set a schedule.

I’m just like you. I feel your pain.

1. Fast food does wonders
2. then set you’re alarm 20 minutes early there champ ;)
3. the only way you’ll stop worrying over it is if you stop telling yourself how worried you are….

I am telling ya choose a week long project that you could finish that would surprise her. Something she has wanted done. That would sort of keep you busy and connect you to her mentally as well as give you something to look forward to when she comes home.

Make plans to have dinner with her friends. Let this be your chance to get to know them.

Chinese take out is cheap and give great opportunity for leftovers.

And maybe use this as an opportunity to push some boundaries. Go to a movie alone.

Also, Fluther! We are here for you man!

Whoa…. That’s certainly quite a lot you have difficulty with. Why not try to take this positively? Try to use this week off to learn how to be a bit more independent? Your wife won’t live forever, that’s a fact, and when she’s gone, you gotta rely on yourself. Sure, you may fail occasionally, but that’s just part of the learning process.

Like cak has previously mentioned, your wife sounds like an absolutely wonderful person.

As for food, I would recommend making soup, sandwiches, and anything else that is relatively easy to make. Digornos Pizza is absolutely amazing, and you can make it in the microwave.

ryanpowell has the right idea when it comes to waking up. I personally prefer AM static over FM, but everybody’s different. Set it a few minutes earlier if you need to.

Try to take it easy this week and remember that the Fluther community is here for you! :)

She will be very, very proud of you if you can figure this out for yourself.

1. Get some food pods from the supermarket that you can nuke. At least once, go out by yourself to a neighborhood restaurant. Get a six-footer from Togo’s and saw off a chunk now and then. Get a box of Triscuits and a brick of your favorite cheese, and watch out for the blade when you slice it. Make sure you know where the Band-Aids are before you try this.

2. Set your clock 27 minutes fast. Not 20, not 30, but 27.

3. Have yourself a NetFlix or Blockbuster wallow.

You are not, after all, a helpless infant. You are a competent woman who works in a law office and is tough enough to have sat for tattoos. You can solve this. Here is what you must remember: It is not disloyal to her for you to manage on your own. It is a compliment to her. You do not have to prove you need her. You are showing confidence in your relationship to demonstrate that your commitment is one of free and loving choice and not desperate dependency.

And you will be very, very proud of yourself when you do.

And I should add that I have used a few Midwestern fluthererers to wake me up in the past. My ten AM is their noon. That could be worth a try. They give me a call at a certain time.

I can suggest people if you want to go that route.

Love is such a blessing and a curse.

I would make her a daily video diary of the time without her. That would be very sweet and romantic. As for eating, line up dinners with her friends. I would love to feed a friend’s husband who missed his wife as much as you miss yours. Carryout’s also good. Or try a few new restaurants and surprise her by taking her somewhere new when she gets back.

Paint a room and buy some incense/new candles. Don’t say a word to her about it. Let her curiosity be fascinated by the changes she discovers on her own. She will find it very sexy that you have shown independence upon her absence.

Make sure when she sees you again that you are wearing a new shirt… maybe new shoes too. She will be fresh off a trip of new and stimulating visuals. Let that subconsciously continue when she lays her eyes on you again. DON’T SAY A WORD TO HER ABOUT IT!

Let her own curiosity drive her wild (she doesn’t need a tour guide). She’ll find you more attractive than ever if you act like nothing has changed in your world, but her eyes see differently. Have a new wine ready to share with her that evening… and get ready for some action!

Me’n my sun-and-stars are like this. We have talked about what we imagine our lives might be like if we didn’t have each other, and decided that it would be very boring and lonely but for our animals. After one or the other of us gets back from a trip, most of what the one who stayed home will have to tell is stories about funny things the furries did. So I guess that would be my suggestion – go save some unwanted little critter who will love to be your buddy! I never understood how people that live alone are able to go without pets.

The good news is you cant starve to death in one week ;)

Make sure the furniture has been rearranged (a little) when she gets back too. Many ways to stimulate her senses in secretive ways… Get a copy of the Kama Sutra (read it) and have it laying out somewhere that she’ll notice on her own… (find a juicy chapter and put a bookmark there).

@tinyfaery – come on woman, I have faith in you. You can do it, you will survive. One year I was all alone at Christmas, had a kennel full of dogs to keep me company, but no human companionship. I thought I would probably die, but i didn’t, I made it okay and I am stronger for it as you will be when your wife returns! And I didn’t even have the internet or Fluther!

I love my husband but a week without sounds sort of like a treat!!! (don’t tell him I said that) Eat what and when you want, do what you want, go to a movie or not, whatever you feel like! It’s not all bad!

Ooooops!

When I said she, I mean he… sorry!

Thats cute!!! I hope thats how my husband feels if we ever have to be apart!

Does your local grocery store have a deli with warm food? This would be a great idea for dinner.

Have a movie marathon or rent a season of a show that you have been wanting to see and watch an episode or two per night.

@ryanpowell had a great suggestion concerning those of us in the midwest. I’ll call you in the morning to wake you up if you need me to. Better yet, I’ll have Jon do it. His voice is really loud. You’d never sleep through a message from him on an answering machine!

I feel your pain. My wife leaves for California for a week on Sunday. And while my situation is different (I can cook and I’m the regular house-cleaner), it’s not the same without her.

Stick with sandwiches, salad, and canned soup. Those are tough to screw up. Eat out at a restaurant at least once.

@ryanpowell‘s idea of setting multiple alarms with one accross the room is good.

Ultimately, I would use this opportunity to build a little self reliance. It’s a good quality to cultivate – even in small steps.

And check in on Fluther, we’ll be here.

ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone; and she’s always gone too long; every time she goes away

Put out a Craigslist ad: “Wanted, somebody to make sure I wake up on time, to make me eat food, and have delightful conversation with me for a week”

Must I preface every question with…we’re gay?

Wow. You guys think I am capable of a lot more than I actually am. Paint a room? Uh…I don’t do manual labor. I suck at crafts and anything domestic. I’m more likely to organize the closets and alphabetize the CD’s. Going out by myself rarely happens. Self-reliance doesn’t come easy to someone who has only one true desire, which happens to be going away.

@ryanpowell Maybe you get me. There can be a refrigerator full of food and I will not eat. My wife puts food in front of my face and then keeps telling me to eat until I actually do. A phone call, huh?

And how am I going to sleep?

@tinyfaery – so what is wrong with organizing the closets and alphabetizing the CDs or what have you. Sounds good.

OK then; what we need here is some team effort. I volunteer to call and/or eMail you for one activity a day. Lunch perhaps. PM me with a time (EST) you want to be reminded and a way to contact you.

I will nag you like a little old Jewish grandmother.

I am in (CST). Sign me up for one activity.

It can be discussed.

PM me.

You are on the west coast? I will call, Aim video chat, or whatever with you for dinner every night. I can get all drill Sergent on you if you want.

{EAT YOU MAGGOT SCUM OF THE LATRINE} Or we could have a nice meal with polite conversation.

I’m on the East Coast!

I have five alarm clocks.
And I still can sleep through it for over an hour.

I can help.

Buy Clocky you can find it on thinkgeek.com, sadly I’m on my phone and can’t link it.

It wil make your life. Or at least your morning.

Also, my brother cooks for me, I have no idea how to help there. I rely on skillet meals and basics when I have to. Buy a rice cooker and freeze meals ahead of time!

No judgment here. We all have our needs and it is nice to know you have found someone who willingly fulfills yours and makes you so happy.

As for remembering to eat, you can set appointment reminders on your email or phone telling you to eat.

Do you have a project that needs to be done like reorganizing the cabinets or something? Maybe searching for easy recipes that don’t require a stove or oven. You could make a cookbook of them and promise to fix dinner once a week as a welcome-home gift. I’m sure we can come up with something to fill your week if you want ideas.

@asmonet Clocky is awesome. That site also has a flying alarm clock.

I used to know somebody who would fall apart when his wife left town.
He’d send the week in front of the computer and forget to turn up the heat if it got cold.
She’d come back and find him wrapped in a blanket with zombie eyes surrounded by empty boxes of microwaveable food.

Maybe just take the week off and have a supply of frozen food, granola bars and chips in the house. if you get hungry enough, you’ll eat something. If you take the week off the you won’t have to worry about the sleep or alarms.

Good luck!

Alaska is part of the USA! WOO! This means that, depending on where your wife goes, she should have phone service, and it won’t bankrupt you to take advantage of this! I know I got service in all but the remotest of places when I was in southern AK. Ask your wife to call you and remind you to eat at lunch and dinner, and again to say goodnight. (Which might help with the sleeping a tad…? I’d also recommend rolling up a comforter and using it as a surrogate person.)

A week isn’t really long enough to iron out a whole new way-to-live plan, so keep reminding yourself that its only a week and you won’t die and she’ll be back soon. Start a good book or watch a season (or two) of TV on DVD to fill the hours. :)

set your alarm earlier! for food, there is actually a lot of really good frozen food. go to super target, and pick some good stuff out. it’s really, really hard to ruin it. cous cous is simple to make too, and it is so yummy. (also at target, in a box). find something to keep yourself busy. maybe read more, do anything that you’ve been ‘meaning to get to’. good luck (:

One of my blog friend couples use sswife
I go to the Yahtzee Online site to keep myself busy while I’m watching a movie on TV at 3 am You have to have Java to run it.

I volunteer to help with any late night (east coast time) reminders you need. We’ll get you through this tiny!

I do not mean to criticize, but I find your predicament to be puzzling. You leave the house to go to work where I assume you are able to assume responsibilities, solve problems and interact with people. You also make valuable contributions to Fluther. Why then do you become totally inert when you are home alone? Are you saying that you never get hungry and that you do not find eating enjoyable? Is it too much for you to open a can of tuna and put some mayonnaise or vinegar on it? Please do not take offense, but I find this very curious.

@jeruba, how did you arrive at the figure of 27 minutes?

Also, in terms of the set-the-clock-ahead routine, it really helps if you have someone else set the clock for you—the trick works much longer that way.

I don’t know if this is helpful or not tiny, but I used to really worry about how I would manage if my husband was lost to me for some reason because I was very dependent on him physically. I hated it when he went away until I started doing some more things on my own and getting more independent. Then for a time I saw it as a challenge – would I be able to manage without him? Now I relish the time he is away and I enjoy the time on my own. Our relationship is stronger because I am not so needy.

I’m not trying to be judgmental but it may come across that way. I know you and your partner are very much in love and I envy you that closeness. But it will strengthen you if you can handle a week alone. Find an easy “treat” food you can live on (mine is take-out Chinese), activities you can enjoy on your own and a project or two. It is do-able.

And Fluther as much as you want; we’ll help you get through it.

@LostInParadise: I do off times like that too—they are generally harder to mentally calculate and so I find I am less likely to do it and more likely to accept the time as “good enough”.

I also recommend, if someone else can’t set the clock ahead for you, going to 15 or so minutes ahead, closing your eyes, and holding down the button for a few moments. That way you don’t exactly know how much ahead it is.

Also, I’m in the midwest and can harass.

For those who don’t get it, let me just add that my psychiatrist and therapist have been trying to help me for years, your lay judgment and opinions really mean nothing.

Others—expect some PMs.

@tinyfaery – bring it on. We’ll get it done!

@augustlan, you may have to send reminders to go to bed now.

@tinyfaery, you did ask us for our opinions. Sorry if they mean nothing.

@tinyfaery

Oh man sorry about the he/she thing… my assumptions are my undoing. The essence of my comments should still be intact though…

OK so your Psych and Thera can’t help you… What about Mr. Miagi from the Karate Kid? He knows EVERYTHING! And he knows how to help you know everything too. All you need to do is find a genuine Okinowan and some little trees… all problems solved!

Plumbers! Call in for a roto rooter and request the oldest most butt crack hurlin’ man they have. Dirty old butt crack plumbers are some of the wisest people I know, and their intelligence is relative to the degree of ass cleavage they sport. Don’t settle for one or two inches. You want the guy who lets it ALL HANG OUT!

I wanted to be helped, not likened to a helpless infant. That was you @Jeruba, right?

I wanted suggestions, not judgment. Which is what you gave. You don’t know why I have these issues, so don’t judge.

I beg your pardon, @tinyfaery? I didn’t liken you to an infant. I said we know you’re not one: “You are not, after all, a helpless infant. You are a competent woman…” So even though you present yourself as needing help with feeding, sleeping, etc., we mustn’t mistake you for someone who actually lacks an ability to function. We know you are capable.

I then went on to offer practical suggestions without any judgments attached. I’m very sorry if this is not what you wanted, but I devoted time and thought energy to your problem and was sincerely trying to deliver what you asked for.

Like most of your posts, this, IMHO, was some what condescending. This is either due to your inability to communicate in a way that is accessible to me, or you’re truly being condescending. If you have further comment, pls PM me. No need to gray this out here.

The other trick with an alarm clock is to hide it under a box or in a drawer, but set it really loud. By the time you get up and walk across the room, open the drawer and shut it off, you may as well hit the shower and get dressed.

My clock has two alarms on it, so I set the first one to sound effects and the second one to radio. You could also go out and get a timer so that your lights go on in the bedroom at the same time your alarm clock goes off.

@tinyfaery , If you think that @Jeruba ‘s post was condescending then you probably feel the same way about mine. Try, for a moment, to see things from our point of view. You present two personalities, one strong and competent and the other completely helpless. It is a bit of a mystery. That you are seeking therapy indicates that you see something peculiar in this as well. I wish you the best. If you ever gain insight into what is going on, please share it with us.

You know a side of me. You probably don’t know that I’m bipolar, among other things, and certain things are very difficult. Why is not necessary to answer the question.

I guess you just have to except that I am a bundle of contradictions.

Whew, I’m glad I only gave a suggestion. I hate when I try to help people and they spit in my face

Jesus Christ people. She said it in her question. “I don’t need judgment; I need help.” If you can’t do that, don’t answer.

I know we give a lot of unsolicited advice here on Fluther, and sometimes that’s good, but if she asks us specifically not to, it’s just rude.

So, she’s officially gone. I just dropped her off at the Fly-Away. She left me a care package with Godiva chocolates, a new Wii game, and the Resident Evil trilogy. I have the best wife!

I’m feeling positive right now. I have a fridge full of food and 3 alarms. For those of you who offered help, thank you, and stand-by. :)

Now you just need to try and avoid watching the whole trilogy tomorrow.
Spread it out over a few days : )

Good luck!

:D

You can do it! And remember your phone. Mine is always my saving grace when I’m left alone for a few days.

You are golden!

You should be positive. Anticipation is often worse than the task itself.

PM with needs if you need.

C’mon…be the JUMBOfaery…you can do it…be the JUMBOfaery.

We’re pulling for you.

I am also getting small little notes and care packages, from some unknown source, in my mailbox every morning. Today was the movie Pride & Prejudice and an iTunes card. Again, I have THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD!!!!!

That’s cute.
I guess she anticipated you watching the whole trilogy before the weekend was over. : )

Sweet!

Sounds like your wife is taking good care of you, tiny. A separation can enhance a relationship even though it can be difficult for you.

How about this, make a map of her travels, include the sights and hotels on it, and follow her virtually.

…Yay!

Well, I survived. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I survived on cereal and frozen dinners. And her gifts certainly helped.

I guess I’m not as pathetic as I thought I was. :)

That makes me absurdly happy! We knew you could do it, tiny!

Yay!!!!

Good for you! Excellent!

And you should be proud, very proud! Don’t look at it as “I’m not as pathetic as I thought..”.

That’s great, tiny! I know it was difficult for you in anticipation, glad it wasn’t as bad as you feared.

(Did she have a good trip?)

***YAY*** thanks for the update

Glad to see you managed, but I did suspect that you were not quite as helpless as you believed. Not to push things, but maybe this will allow you to re-examine other assumptions about yourself.

Woohoo! Now you get to stay in bed all weekend as celebration. (Or that’s what I would do anyway!) :D

Oy, awful answer, before. Sorry. I used to run back to the East for a week at time from our home in Colorado every so often, so that was the experience I was calling upon, instead of trying to switch the positions and put myself in your shoes as I ought to have. Plus, I realize now that you have many kitties.

My guy has ditched me for a week, now, and I am going kind of nuts. I’d have starved by now but for the giant bowl of matzo ball soup he left in the fridge.