Bird in hand versus the bird in the bush?

I think that would be unpardonably rude.

As long as you’re both clear in your understanding that you’re just going out for some fun and company and don’t intend to make a long-term thing of it, that should be enough. But bear in mind that people’s feelings don’t always conform to the agreements they’ve made.

If that’s how I truly felt about someone, I wouldn’t date them at all. That’s a really bad way to treat anyone.

I’ve had relationships like that, it always ends up messy anyways.

I think it was only successful once or twice. The guy knew it wasn’t a serious relationship, mainly physical, and I would discontinue it when I met someone I wanted to be in an actual relationship with.

I think it is better in that case that if you meet someone you are interested in, you just break off the less serious relationship and concentrate on the new one.

Interesting question.

A boy in the bush is worth two in the hand.

@jmah: it didn’t come out quite right since I wasn’t sure how the question thingie worked with the title and all but the gist is this: is it fair to the person you see casually to let them go instead of keeping them along while pursuing someone else more seriously even when they say they know what they’re in for? I know people can’t always abide by what they agree to because of wishful thinking and all.

@hungryhungryhortence I knew what you were saying :). I was referring to the “detail” part of your post and was interested in reading how our fellow jellies would respond.

if i really liked the first person and the second person came along,i would tell the first person and give them an opportunity to evaluate whether they wanted something more serious, now that they had some competition with a chance to lose you. if i didn’t really think of the first person as serious material, i would not say anything until i was ready to fly the coop.

How rude!

Generally, if you are treating your sexual relationships as not serious, then nothing serious will come along. You’ll just bounce from shallow to shallow.

Try the deep end of the pool. It’s worth it.

cyndihugs: (assuming your “how rude” comment was directed at me since it came right after mine, if not, woops, sorry, then nevermind) i don’t think not saying anything till you’re ready to fly the coop is rude in this case since both parties entered into this casual thing with the understanding that it was with no strings attached. therefore, i feel that either participant is understanding that this could end at any time for any reason. as i stated, if the person asking the question feels partner #1 may be a candidate for serious relationship, this is up for discussion.

England Dan and John Ford Coley once lamented about this type of situation in a song they sung in 1977 called “It’s Sad to Belong” (to someone else when the right one comes along). Just saying.

I’ve always felt it was fair to be up front with someone who already says they’re not in for anything too serious to let them know I not only understand and choose (or not) to be with them but to exercise my option to drop them like yesterday’s shenanigans if what I think I seriously want presents. I’ve learned not to hesitate too long in tying up loose ends in order to step up for an outstanding person who presents a good offer of deeper involvement. Just saying.

And what will that outstanding person think of someone who ditched another relationship in order to latch onto him? Just asking.

@Jeruba: sometimes people ask you if you’re on the same page as them and if you want to step up and stop messing around.

I always find that non-serious relationships cannot truly exist… Feelings always seem to develop and make things more complicated. If something like that happened to me, I couldn’t help feeling hurt about it. But if casual relationships work for you, make absolutely sure it won’t get serious, and break up with them before your new, serious relationship gets too far underway. Overlapping relationships, IMHO, is not really a good idea.

@jca: I think this is fair-
”if i really liked the first person and the second person came along, I would tell the first person and give them an opportunity to evaluate whether they wanted something more serious now that they had some competition with a chance to lose you.”