Why is it that the first one that gets mad in a disagreement loses?

Because sometimes that person realizes that they were being stupid for arguing in the first place. I have personal experience with this

Often when angry, we say things we ought not to say or we don’t mean. And those things, more often than not, have nothing to do with the issues that brought about the anger, which may have been justified. But guess what usually hangs that person? Yep, their big mouth and/or stupidity. See ya….wtf

As soon as you bring emotion into a disagreement, you’ve lost.

E.g., a disagreement, kept in the cool logic or opinion can be reasoned out. As soon as you get angry (bring non-rational emotion in), you’re going to lose.

It’s not. The first one to make a comparison involving Hitler or Nazis loses.

In a disagreement, you need to look for a solution not a winner. When you lose your temper, you end up bringing in non-productive generalizations “You always . . .” or “You never . . .”, or old disagreements on other topics.

Its not that the person loses, but it’s usually when they get angry and irrational that the argument has no further useful purpose.

Contentious discussions usually take one of two forms: debate or war of words.

In a debate, the goal is to persuade either your opponent or onlookers. But a display of anger has no persuasive power at all, and usually is a sign that the angry party has run out of actual valid points and is feeling cornered.

In a war of words, the goal is to hurt your opponent by lobbing verbal missiles at his tender spots. An angry response from your opponent is a sign that you’ve hit your mark.

If, in a debate, someone becomes angry they very often lose credibility, respect and a good deal of rationality which lowers their chances (considerably so) of persuading the other party or parties involved to agree with their perspective on the matter.
I would speculate that alot of societal value is placed on self-control because it’s basically a display of many traits that most believe to be admirable: confidence, calmness, intelligence, reason etc. The ability to restrain ourselves has also played a seemingly large role in the development of our species and thus is generally regarded as being a useful and meritable attribute.

I learned a very important, in my opinion, way to act during an “argument”...just because someone says something mean or derogatory to you, it does not mean you have to respond to it, I have a close friend who was called a witch only with a “b” and my friend responded by laughing out loud and walking away, further infuriating the name caller. It was perfect! Another way to handle criticism or accusations (in my case, usually a frustrated patient) was to completely agree with them; if they said I did something wrong, I’d simply apologize and ask what could I do to fix it; if they wanted copies of their records and I wasn’t able to do it right away, I again would apologize and suggest a suitable & fair time for them to come back to pick them up. Always took the air right out of them. How do you stay angry at someone who apologizes, takes the blame and wants to make it right?

@captainshalfunit….Very wise recommendations. See ya….wtf (my initials)
PS: Welcome to fluther!

Thank you very much, wtf, for your kind words. Just stumbled onto fluther today and I can see it is going to be addicting!!