How would you react if your SO told you that they had, in a moment of weakness unsuccessfully tried to hack your email or social networking account?

well, i have to be able to trust the people i interact with and someone who tries to hack into my private stuff definitely loses my trust. can’t say it’s a deal breaker, but if not it would be in any case a huge let down. bigger concern might be why the SO felt compelled to hack in the first place.

I’ve got nothing to hide so I wouldn’t be terribly upset (my husband and I share everything). I’d be more concerned as to why my partner would do this.

I wouldn’t care. I’ve got nothing to hide, and if I were hiding something I think its their business to find out also, so no way would I care.

I would much rather someone “check up” on me and see that I’m not doing anything wrong, than wonder in the back of their mind if I am. Yes he should trust me, but people get blindsided all the time by cheating spouses, so I think it’s normal to double-check ;)

We’re all human. I would forgive.

If they succeeded, I would have to make sure my password was tougher to guess because others can guess too.

Right now I would be relieved in that it would show she still had interest in me at that level.
But I would want to discuss it with her because as I trust her completely I would expect her to trust me as well.

I would kick her butt.

I’d probably tell him to get out and that I’d talk to him later after I’ve calmed down. But I would be pretty pissed.

I’m sure we’d be able to work through it in the end, but I would not be calm enough or rational enough to discuss it upon immediate discovery.

I wouldn’t be upset so much that she did it, but moreso why she felt the need. As in, did she think she was going to discover something about me she didn’t already know? What did she suspect me of? And where did this lack of trust on her part come from?

I wouldn’t care all that much. I’d probably just be frustrated with the stupidity of the idea at first. I’d appreciate his honesty in telling me what he had tried to do, especially since there’s no way I would have found out.

The things that would upset me the most would be the fact that the matter was handled incorrectly:
1) If there was a particular thing he wanted to look for in my email/facebook, I would have preferred he simply ask me about it.
2) If he just wanted to look around (you know, check out some of my friends’ profiles for whatever reason), I would have just preferred he ask for my password. I’d gladly provide the password if asked directly.

I would be concerned that she didn’t trust me.

IRL, my wife knows all my passwords – so this is purely hypothetical.

I would be concerned. If our relationship eroded to the point he couldn’t ask me face-to-face and trust me I don’t know if we could build it back up. You may call it a moment of weakness, but I call a moment of weakness when I indulge in ice cream when trying to lose some pounds. He didn’t decide to try to hack into my stuff on some random impulse, there had to be some buildup, some trust issues that had been building for a while. So yeah, I’d be concerned.

I would be outraged.

I would say, “If you want to know about something I’m doing, ask me.”

I would say, “If privacy doesn’t mean anything in our house any more, what does?”

I would say, “Are you suspicious of me because you’re doing something you shouldn’t and so now you think everybody is guilty?”

But I don’t think such a thing is ever remotely likely to happen. We respect one another’s spaces and we also ask and answer questions honestly. I believe in everyone’s right to privacy, whether they’re doing anything “secret” or not. I keep some things to myself just because they’re mine and not because there is anything wrong with them or because I don’t trust someone. I expect others to do the same. You can share your life and still consider full exposure optional.

I would consider it a breach of trust. I would also try to talk to my s.o. If a trust issue is bad enough for them to feel like they have to hack into your information you should address it.

If they don’t have a legitimate reason to snoop then I rethink my relationship with this person

I wouldn’t be too upset if they came to me about it. Afterward I would give them my login to show I have nothing to hide.

Naturally, I’d be upset at the invasion of my privacy. However, I would be forgiving and forthcoming… once. If it ever happened again? They’d be gone.

I would think it was funny simply because I know he wouldn’t be able to do it.
(then I would show him a “dummy” site account)

If one partner has that degree of mistrust and doubt about the other, there is no relationship. That’s just two people hanging out pretending to be in a relationship.

If one partner can’t tell the other they are suspicious or concerned about something, ask about it, and talk openly about anything under the sun, there is no relationship.

If one partner has such little self control, and such a bizarre sense of right & wrong, and ultimately acts out in jealousy/anger/confusion/whatever, that person is emotionally a child, and there is no relationship.

Unless it swings both ways: if neither one trusts the other, if neither has a conscience, if such moments of “weakness” are typical of both people, then it’s likely a match made in heaven. They deserve each other, mistrust, second-guessing, secrets, and all.

I agree with @hug_of_war – a moment of weakness is indulging in ice cream, this is WAY beyond that. And I agree with @Jeruba – I would be outraged. I’ve never heard of anyone doing anything like this, and can’t imagine anyone I know encountering such a thing.

I’d be ridiculously impressed that she told me, to be honest. I know plenty of people that wouldn’t do. I’d still be a bit upset, but I’d totally understand and forgive her.

@SecondGlance Many people have moments of weakness in a relationship. Obviously there is a problem in the relationship if this happens but it doesn’t mean there is no relationship. This person at least told their SO what they did and they can work on the relationship from there.

I guess it would depend a lot on the relationship and the situation. But I would probably ask questions like why they didn’t just ask me if they were so curious about something.

I’ve been in relationships where things like email passwords were shared, and I’ve been in relationships where they were more sacred (read: personal). I don’t think intimacy is gained by sharing email passwords.

This is hard for me to put myself in this situation, because we know each others passwords…or well, he could just ask me mine, since I change mine more often than my SO.

I think I’d be really confused as to why he felt the need to hack, was he doing it thinking he actually knew my password and was looking for something insignificant? Was he doing it because he thought I was cheating on him online? If it was latter, I’d be outraged at the distrust. My SO has no interest in what I do online, sometimes I wish he did care but he has different interests lol

I’ve been thinking about it and I’m really not big on the whole “moment of weakness” excuse.
That’s the same kind of language that senator who hooked up with his girlfriend in Argentina used.
Those things are deliberate actions.

@The_Compassionate_Heretic
I agree that your example of the senator was a deliberate action. I think if someone hacks into their SO’s email, they are desperate for answers and are having a moment of weakness.

What if this person went to their SO because they had suspicions and their SO lied to them, but they still had that feeling that something was not right? This person then decides to look into their SO’s accounts, looking for answers. They may find something, they may not. It is a moment of weakness in the relationship. imo

@The_Compassionate_Heretic: What I meant by a “moment of weakness” (you’re right, it’s such a vague term) was a situation similar to what happened with my friend. Basically, he was traveling and didn’t have cellphone reception for several days, which he didn’t seem to be able to find a way to communicate to his SO, and she freaked out that she hadn’t heard from him.

Actually, once I realized that my meaning with that term wasn’t clear to most of the jellies answering, I considered posing the question, “Would your answer change, if if was in this specific situation or one like it?” So, I think it’s a good enough time as any.

To previous and future answerers, if you care to respond to the new question above, please do so.

Thanks for your answers so far, everyone. It’s always interesting to find out different people’s ideas about things! <3

@La_chica_gomela Soo, she tried to hack his email when she didn’t hear from him for days? And she told him as soon as he got back?

@casheroo: Yeah, or his facebook, but whatever.

Originally, I took the question to mean that the person was attempting to spy which would be a breech of trust, but if it’s a matter of having vanished, that’s a different situation.

The person was upfront and honest about it which is commendable.

Okay, knowing more of the situation then I’d be less upset and actually feel bad about not being able to get in contact. But, the Facebook thing doesn’t make sense, if he wasn’t using it to update statuses or message her to let her know he can’t communicate then I don’t really see the point of going onto his Facebook. But, she was upfront about it and not doing it for a bad reason so it wouldn’t upset me if it were me.

I would be extremely pissed. Especially since if she really wants access to those things all she would have to do is ask. I don’t keep anything from her.

I might be a little worried by the lack of trust if she did ask, but I would give her the password anyway.

I’d be pissed and wonder why she didn’t just ask for my pass. I woulda given it to her

I think I’d want to figure out why they felt the need to do so.

If my husband were gone for several days where he didn’t have cellphone reception, I would expect him to be resourceful enough to find a land line somewhere. In an area where cellphone reception is flaky to impossible, I bet there’s even a pay phone or two to be found.

I’d wait for an e-mail. I’d wait for a letter or a postcard. I’d wait for a phone call from the police before I’d attempt to break into any account of his or even turn on his computer. If I thought he was lost, I’d call the authorities or get on a plane myself and go find him rather than violate his trust in me.

A person who doesn’t call me is not necessarily dead.

I guess it would all come down to what I may have been keeping private. In my relationship I don’t have things to hide other than some spending cash I have hidden for just in case!