What is the best way to handle the situation if you believe a family friend may have early Altzheimer's Syndrome?

Remembering what handed a non-family member is, is not indicative of Alzheimers. Not paying your bills is, not knowing who’s president, or that it’s Halloween, is.

Each person is different. My mother has Alzheimers. The early signs were she sent her boss to out of town conferences without registering him for the conference, without booking a hotel for him, without confirming that yes, he would be a speaker. She spent 6 months without cable because “the guy was out working on the connection and there’s something wrong” when in fact, she hadn’t paid that bill or any other for months.

I’m sorry, but we have the same conversation over and over again, more than once a week, every week, for the last month! Four days is not a long time to go by to remember a conversation that he always initiates , you don’t think that’s a little bit odd?

I mean, I definitely remember him pointing out to me that we were both left-handed on Saturday. It’s now Monday, and he just pointed it out to me again, completely shocked and delighted. Again.

Does he say it over and over again in the same conversation? My mom asks me 15 times in a row how my children are doing. What were conversations like with this person before? How well does he know you?

Talk to the family member you feel the closest to, and explain your concern. Depression can make a person forgetful also, so it may not be what you’re thinking, but If you are concerned, I think the family wil appreciate you speaking up. My cousin had Alzheimers, and his very early symptoms were similar to what you describe. Everyone is different and it can manifest in different people different ways.

@PandoraBoxx I wouldn’t write this off just because he isn’t doing the same things your Mom is.

@scamp: Thank you. I don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely not normal behavior.

No, it’s not a write off, but people in their 50’s do forget insignificant things. My children tell me, “you just said that” or “you’ve already asked that” all the time. I’m on information overload at work, and social chatter is hard to keep track of.

The thing that’s probably key is, is this different than his past pattern of interaction with you?

@PandoraBoxx: That’s the thing, it doesn’t seem “insignificant” to him. He always brings it up. He always wants to have a long conversation about it. He’ll say things like “I never knew that before”. Tonight when I said teasingly, “Yes, you did!”, he said, “No I didn’t.”

He could also be on medication that’s making him fuzzy, or have an onset of diabetes.

That’s significant then.

@PandoraBoxx: That’s what I’ve been saying.

Is he still working? What are the rest of his interactions like?

@La_chica_gomela You are a good friend to this man to have such concern for him. If you don’t feel comfortable gently talking to him about this, see if a family member can talk him into talking with a doctor about this to see if it is simply the beginning of the aging process, depression or something more severe.

My mother was diagnosed with senile dementia several years ago; we missed many cues, unfortunately, because they were subtle and all related to memory loss. It is really terrible now. She can’t remember how to buy a tube of tooth paste. We have to write a shower schedule on her calender and call her that morning to remind her, among dozens of other chores of daily life.

Here’s a book we found useful: Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s by Joanne Koenig Costa.

One reason to talk to another family member, even with the cultural. difference, is that there is now a med…Aricept…that, if started in the early stages, doesn’t cure anything but slows down the progression. Most people are very resistant, however, to learn the diagnosis.

That is odd behavior and could well be the beginning of some dementia. I would certainly talk to a family member of his with whom you feel comfortable.

Not all “forgetfulness” is Alzheimer’s dementia. There are a large number of memory disorders that include Alzheimer’s, but also others. I agree that he needs some sort of evaluation, but I’m not sure how you can broach the subject. Perhaps a gentle comment to your friend?

@shilolo: Thanks @shilolo (and @janbb and @gailcalled), that’s exactly what I meant. Not specifically Altzheimer’s, but something that needs to be checked out. My real question was about how to bring it up.

I would ask the person you feel most comfortable with if they’ve noticed any short term memory changes, because he’s asked you the same question 6 times, and has acted if he’s hearing the answer for the first time, each time. Ask if he’s on any medication that’s causing this, and then suggest that that perhaps it should be mentioned to his doctor.

They may not rush out and take him to the doctor, but you will at least plant the seed for the family to be observant.

I am in my mid-fifties, and as result am surrounded by people his age. They are known as peers.

If you had asked “A family friend has just grown an extra head – should let the family know about the extra head? It would be not dissimilar. If he has Alzheimer’s they will know. It is not something that is subtle to those who are close.

He might be absent minded – distracted – bored and trying to make conversation – all manner of “might be” possibilities. Or he might be like me and deliberately doing it as he had twigged that you are reacting .

Fifties for some is old – particularly if you are young, but for many of us it is just “older”. I surf, kayak, ride mountain bikes enjoy life immensely without the distraction of the responsibility of child rearing. I do recognise that I am probably – as are many who are my age – far younger in a physiological and emotional sense than my grandparents at that age. My father who has just turned ninety, lives on a large ketch, sails single handed around the world, has a wife younger than I am, and rides a Harley for transport . He carries it on his yacht. He will sometimes pretend to have Alzheimer’s just for the reactions.

There is old, and there is old. Aim for the latter.

@DarkScribe: Early-onset altzheimers can affect people who are only in their forties. What are you getting at? What does “aim for the latter” mean? Is that advice on how to get old? I appreciate that, but that’s actually not my question right now. I’m trying to deal with this other situation, which is why I created this thread.

You said “If he has Alzheimer’s they would know” but @gailcalled has already said that her family missed many of the warning signs about her mother’s condition.

I know plenty of people in their 50s, such as my parents. I don’t think it’s that old. That’s why I was so surprised. This was different than my parents. Yes, they absent-mindedly try to make conversation, yes they tell me the same things over and over again. This is different. He’s a very sincere person. He never does things just to “mess with me” or “see how I’ll react”.

Are you trying to help me?? I can’t find anything I would consider advice, within your post, and I really am looking for advice here, as I’ve mentioned before. Are you saying I should say something about it or not? Thank you.

@La_chica_gomela: Don’t get side-tracked. Use your persuasive powers to alert the family; the meds (and there are several other than Aricept) are only effective when started early on.

And there are lots of tricks to helping patients with memory loss, etc cope. We have post-it notes all over my mother’s apt. We also have a huge calender; whenever we either visit or phone, we insist that she write down everything we have discussed. Now we keep it to one topic or issue at a time because she gets so anxious.

We set up a charge that we are legally able to use at her pharmacy; we have Medical Power of Attorney; we have copies of everything (legal DNR) on her fridge, in the glove compartments of our car, etc. We keep our social visits very short since the conversations are labored and repetitive.

When we take her to rare medical appointments, we keep notes; we stay in touch with the resident nurse at my mother’s staged care facility. We check her refrigerator; we throw out magazines from 2004, we water plants, we file her fingernails….anyway you get the point.

Wow, I think I have Alzheimer’s! I often forget having a conversation with someone and have it again. Most of the time I remember having the conversation with somebody, but thought it was with one of my other friends or relatives. I call my daughter to leave a message on her voice mail, and after the beep, my mind goes totally blank (stage fright?) If one of my bosses tells me he is leaving the office, and a half hour later someone calls for him, I have forgotten that he has left the office. Distraction? I don’t know, but it worries me.