Do you teach your kids to address adults with Ms. and their first name or their last or what?

Mr. smith or sir, Mrs. Smith or Ma’am. Boy If I ever called an adult in a manner other than that when I was a kid, it was going to be a loooonnngggg day.

As a kid, I was taught to ask adults what they preferred to be called. I grew up in the midatlantic, so it was “Mrs. Doe” or their first name. Most people preferred their first name, I don’t think I can remember anyone who I called “Mrs” – even our next door neighbors from when I was very small (3–6) were called Sophie and Las, and they were of my grandparents’ generation. I’ve never been taught to call anyone “sir” or “ma’am” either.

When I visited my family in Alabama I was always confused by the “Miss Jane” convention. My aunt would always introduce my mom as “Miss Ginny,” who would immediately tell the kids that they could just call her Ginny if they wanted. They never did, though.

We teach Mr. John or Ms. Jane to our little kids.

Thing is, if you hang around with John and Jane a lot, you end up calling them by their first name in front of the kids. So by teaching the kids the title in conjunction with the first name, then the kid is able to pick up on it faster.

When they’re older and have a better understanding of surnames, then we will probably switch over to use that.

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Teach your kids to do what you think is best. That’s just how we does it ‘round here.

It’s a matter of preference if someone wants to go by their last name or first name. It probably also depends on the age of the person to whom they are referring. The respect part comes with the “Ms.” in the beginning.

I have found the military way never fails, ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ never fail for me. The girlfriends parents appreciate it and as a general rule most people older than me respect it.

Growing up I was taught that all (non-relative) adults are Mr. and Mrs. This went even if the adults did not mind being called by their first names, my parents insisted that it was always Mr. and Mrs.

When my kids were young we did Miss (First Name) for our closest friends. Now I introduce my children to all grown-ups as Mr. and Mrs. and their surname. If the adult invites my child to call them by their first name, my child may do so. Otherwise they remain Mr. or Mrs.

I’m from Louisiana and almost all adults where Mr. or Mrs. first name with family friends. If it were someone from my fathers work or a person that we were not close friends with, it was Mr. or Mrs. last name. All of my friends parents are Mr. or Mrs. first name and always yes or no sir or ma’am. Always.

from the northeast. Always called adults Mr. <lastname> or Mrs/Miss/Ms <lastname>. Even the adults who told me “Oh, call me <firstname>”. No, sorry, I can’t do that. You’re my elder, and calling you by your first name is disrespectful.

I was taught Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. with the last name. I still consider this to be the most polite way until told that I can use the person’s first name. And I would teach my children this if I had any. I didn’t encounter “Miss” or “Ms” with a first name until I moved to Georgia. It was prevalent there, even amongst adults. The other place I found it was in daycares. Many of the teachers are Miss FirstName. (Miss Sandy or Miss Kelly, etc.)

Hey, I just noticed that my lurve is at 666. Somebody please lurve my answer even if you don’t! Combined with that eclipse, I may be in trouble…

My oldest speaks only Russian so he addresses in a Russian manner – that is, to say, he puts ‘dadya’ and ‘tetya’ (meaning uncle and aunt but in this case more like guy this and gal that) in front of first names, not last name. If they’re my friends he calls them by first name.

I also went to a school where we called our teachers by their first names.

My maternal grandparents are originally from the Deep South, though I was brought up in the upper Midwest, as were their kids, but they taught their kids what I ended up being taught:

Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mr., Rev. or Dr. [Last Name], and subsequently I was to address adults as Sir or Ma’am, including my aunt/guardian. Not saying, “Yes/No, Ma’am/Sir,” was asking for trouble. Even at school, and even when a few of my teachers were the hippy-dippy type, saying, “Go on, call me Heather!” I didn’t.

When I got to college and met with my first advisor, he was Dr. Ingalls. Now, today, 8 years after I graduated and 5 years after I became faculty, making him effectively my co-worker rather than my professor, I still can’t bring myself to call him “Bob”, despite that being how he signs his emails to me. He will forever be Dr. Ingalls.

I was taught Mr. and Ms./Mrs. Surname. I was never taught to say “sir” or “m’am”; we don’t do that in Nevada or California. But there were some adults that simply went by their first name or wanted to go by their first name. I had a neighbor named Marian. She was an adult and a mother, but we always called her Marian. I remember not even knowing what her last name was, especially since it was different from her kids’ last name.

If I were an adult (which I will be in a month) and told someone it was okay to call me by my first name, then frankly, I would be a little annoyed if people refused to do so.

I was taught to always refer to them as Mr/Mrs (last name).
It wasn’t like a “do this or you get beaten/grounded/scolded/other punishment”, it was just kinda planted in my head, and it always seemed like the appropriate respectful thing to do. (Always referred to my mom and dad as mom and dad, always referred to uncles/aunts by their first name, cousin by their first name, grandparents by Grandma/Grampa [nickname])

I don’t know anyone who refers to somebody as Mr/Mrs (first name) out here. It’s either title+last name, or just simply the first name. Since there seems to be a trend forming in this thread: I’m not, and none of my friends are, from the south.

For a kid, I’d expect him/her to do what I do. Not something I’d force, but something I’d expect.

I mentioned the South because my fellow school friends were never as formal with adults as I was, and I’m sure that the Southern thing had something to do with this. The older I got, I went with whatever the adult in question wanted to be called, much to the chagrin of my extremely rule-based guardian.

I just think if someone tells you how they want to be addressed, the respectful thing is to call them by that name. @fireinthepriory stated that the kids in Alabama went to Miss or Mr. and the first name no matter what the person requested, how is that respectful? I’m trying to understand the logic behind that? When I talked to my friend and said, well what if you introduce me as Miss Jane, but I expect Ms. Doe? She replied, “then people will probably think you are uppity.” Huh?

@Simone de Beaviour many Jews do the aunt and uncle think. My Fathers closest friends are my “uncles” Now I realize that maybe it is a Russian thing after your comment, or that part of the world, I find that interesting (I am Latvian Russian). Barbara Walters on The View once said that her friends do that. Not sure what country B. Walters’ family was from.

I don’t remember being taught to specifically call people one thing or another. I just called them whatever my parents said I should call them. It must have depended on how close my parents were to other adults. Some of our adult neighbors were always known to me by their first names, some as Mr. or Mrs. Surname. Our family doctor was also our neighbor and a very good friend. Even when I went for a checkup, I called him by his first name. We also had neighbors that I called by what their grandkids called them—close friends of ours originally from Greece.

With my own kids, I always start out calling adults Mr./Mrs/Miss with the surname (unless the adult in question is a close friend of mine). If the adult would rather be called something else, they’ll say so. The only time my kids have used “Miss Lucy” is for preschool teachers. It really annoys me because the teachers are married—shouldn’t it be “Mrs. Lucy?” I also worked in a daycare one summer where the teachers were called Miss. I hated it because most of the parents thought my name was Sally (Miss Alli and Miss Sally are easy to confuse).

At no point in my life was I taught to say “Sir” or “Ma’am,” other than addressing a police officer. I’ve never thought to teach it to my kids, but I have heard my daughter address store or restaurant employees that way. As in, “Excuse me ma’am, could I please have some water?”

@JLeslie As kids, we called my mom’s best friend Aunt. We grew up in the midwest, many generations after our ancestors came from their respective parts of the world. Our kids also call our best friends Aunt or Uncle. I think it’s nice to have a family-like title for people who are very close to you, but not always family.

The kids also call my husband’s cousins Aunt or Uncle. My husband and his cousins were all very close growing up. His cousins are older than him, but have kids close to our kids’ ages. They’re Italian, btw. It would be too formal for the kids to address them as Mr. or Mrs., but too informal to just use first names. Saying “Cousin” before someone’s name sounds a little odd to me. I think it’s kind of a common thing to do—my best friend’s son calls me Aunt. It always makes me smile.

I was brought up to call adults by whatever name they were introduced by, and if they said they preferred something else to use that instead. For my kids, it depends on the level of closeness. For their friends’ parents, I advise them to use Mr./Mrs. Lastname unless the parents ask to be called something else. For my good friends, first name alone is fine. I had one friend who moved here from Chicago, and she preferred Ms. Firstname, but I allowed her kids to call me by my first name. My best friend had her child first, and named me Aunt Firstname, so my kids call her Aunt Firstname. Interestingly, I never called my actual aunts and uncles by anything other than their first names.

When I chose a pre-school for my children, I chose the only one in the area that still used Ms. Lastname over all the others that used Ms. Firstname. I mean, the minute they go to elementary school they have to start using Ms. Lastname anyway, so I never really understood the point of this practice.

I was taught to address adults as Mr. or Ms. (Miss or Mrs, as appropriate) Lastname. In fact, we had family friends that wanted us (my sister and I) to call them by their first name; however, I was fairly certain the Earth would split open and swallow me whole, if I did such a rude thing. My mother insisted on the show of respect and to be well-mannered, at all times. To her, it was incredibly disrespectful to address an adult as anything other than Mr (Mrs, Ms, or Miss), there was never an exception.

When I moved to the county that my family now resides in, I was a single mother. After my daughter started school, I had to enroll her in an after school program, to cover the time I still wasn’t home from work. All the female teachers were addressed as Miss (fill in w/ the first name) or Mr (fill in w/the first name). I noticed that they, the adults, addressed all adults the same way. I will never get used to being Miss (fill in the blank w/ my first name). strange!

All the adults that I knew, besides teachers, were always “Uncle so and so” or “Aunt so and so”...Although a few of my dad’s friends were Miss Firstname or Mr. Firstname. The teachers and principals at my grade school made all the children address them as “sir” and “ma’am” or else receive punishment…I also recall one of the teachers there having her students stand whenever an adult entered the room, which is odd.

@Facade never heard of teaching children to stand when an adult enters the room? I wonder if that was considered proper etiquette at one time, or that teacher was just strange? Never heard of that one, but I am no expert.

That is an awfully old-timey, “British public school” sort of behavior.

When I was in jr. high, we had a substitute teacher who insisted we stand up if we had a question or the answer to a question. If a student spoke to him without standing up, he’d act like he couldn’t hear what he or she said. None of us liked him very much.

Same as @Facade. And we were also asked in school to raise our hand, wait to be called for and then to stand up when we needed to say or ask something (in that order)...otherwise we were considered disrespectful. And this went on until high school.

Weird. I’ve always had to raise my hand in school and in some of my college classes. Never had to stand up, though.

I taught them not to use Miss.

My parents brought me up to call people mr and mrs if we didn’t know them very well. I have taught my daughter to call our neighbours or friends parents mr and mrs as a mark of respect. If that person insisted she call them by their first name, I would encourage my daughter to respect their wishes.

I try to teach my kids to err on the polite side. They are, however, not english speaking, but Dutch. In Dutch we have a formal and an informal second person pronoun. Probably akin to “ye” in old english.

So we teach our kids to use the formal pronoun and Mr./Mrs. in order to address adults that they are not yet familiar with. This situation then never lasts long though, and most often it will continue into the informal pronoun and first name. The transition will happen on indication of the person they meet, or over time dependent on their comfort with the specific person. Elder people and officials such as police officers remain formal and Mr./Mrs. Teachers get informal pronouns, but are approached by Dutch equivalents of Sir/Madam.

And yes…. I full-heartedly agree that they should follow the guidance of the person they address. That is however not always an easy approach. There are times, for instance, when we are stressing the kids to behave a little more formal, because they are in a phase that they have become somewhat ‘rowdy’. If we then come across someone they start of informal with, we may correct them even if the person in question states not to mind. We will than however also explain to that person why we do that: we need to educate them as well and we just want them to start out in the polite form.

My parents retired in Florida, and it really sounds weird to me to be called “Miss Georgia” when I go visit them. Wow, I’m a beauty contestant! Ha-ha.

Parents have become very lax at teaching their kids not to call adults by their first name. I am very old-fashioned and I don’t appreciate kids calling me by my first name. I have never let my kids do that, but I was one of the few.

@Skaggfacemutt I’m thinking you are talking northern FL?

Yes, Fort Walton Beach.

@Skaggfacemutt

What if the adult wants to be called by their first name? That should be their own choice. As far as I’m concerned, it’s rude to call anyone by anything other than what they want to be called.

If an adult acquaintance requested to be called by their first name, then that is what my kids would call them, but the adult would have to make that request. Sorry, I should have mentioned that.

Thanks so much for all of your answers!