Do people in some parts of the country have better manners than people in other parts of the country?

It’s even true of the whole world, who’d have thought? But it’s also all relative. Etiquette differs per geographical area, so what’s “better manners” in one area is not in others. For example, in some countries it’s rude to start unwrapping a present immediately after receiving it, while in others, that’s what expected.

Of course, it can also already happen to neighbours.

@Vincentt I’m talking mostly about parents raising their children according to the accepted manners of a certain country and how that might different from place to place within the country.

Until I grew up and met other people from other parts of the country, travelled and otherwise saw for myself, I believed as I was taught that American Southerners of all races had superior manners.

Since I live in the Middle East – I think living in any part of the US is. Enough said

@SuperMouse Ah, well of course (and this, too, isn’t a phenomenon restricted to a single country) this differs for all parents. I find it particularly interesting how my parents are divorced, and over time the manners they deem important started diverging more and more. My mother’s acting more according to the accepted manners while my father, not so much. They live in the same city so that’s not the reason. I think this is influenced by my mother having custody most of the time, thus she had to raise us and was rarely alone, while my father lived on his own (where nobody notices if you let one slip or where you don’t have to go through the trouble of locking the door when you’re off to the toilet ;-).

I don’t know about “better” manners. I think geography imposes different manners. What’s polite in one part of the country (or world) could be considered disrepectful in another.

Within each geographic zone, however, there will be people who are better than others at following whatever local custom decrees to be “good manners”.

I don’t know, only having lived in two areas: SF and Vegas, and I haven’t noticed much difference. California and Nevada are pretty similar.

I’m sorry @SuperMouse but there is no such thing as American values. You seem to be speaking of white, middle-class values. Are those the correct values?

@tinyfaery, I’m not speaking as much about values as I am about manners. I have known complete slobs who are honest upstanding citizens, they just don’t put their napkins on their lap and chew with their mouth open.

@SuperMouse

For the record, I don’t put my napkin on my lap. I know it’s what people do (my parents do it sometimes), but I just don’t do it. So there. I’m not a slob.

I live in Georgia and there are a lot of people here that have southern hospitality but there are also rednecks that act crazy and don’t care about anybody else. I believe it really depends on how you were raised and not where you live.

Again, manners according to whom?

@DominicX, my parents were crazy with the whole “napkin on the lap thing.” We weren’t allowed to eat until our napkin was on our lap and if we began without it there would be hell to pay! I have noticed that there are as many people – with good manners – who don’t do this. Sorry, I didn’t mean to insult your manners!

@tinyfaery, aren’t there some behaviors that are almost universally considered good manners in the US? I mean things like not letting the door slam on someone walking in right behind you and saying please and thank you? Granted there are those who consider it an appalling lack of manners to put elbows on the table during a meal, but I’m talking about more common courtesy type stuff.

Sociolinguist Deborah Tannen described the “high involvement” and “high considerateness” styles of speech in her book You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation. High involvement involves a lot of interruption, talking over, cooperative overlapping, etc. She discusses differences between men’s and women’s speech habits but also associates different speech styles with different areas of the U.S. New Yorkers, for example, are big on “involvement,” and Southerners are more used to “considerateness.” When styles clash, people are apt to think one another rude.

I don’t know of any universal manners, U.S. or not.

@SuperMouse

No problem, I just see a difference because chewing with your mouth open is gross; it’s not pleasant to look at and at least with me, seeing it can lower my appetite. The napkin thing is, for me, unnecessary. I don’t follow all manners just because other people do it. OCD be damned. I follow the ones that are practical for me and polite to others. The napkin one just doesn’t fit that for me.

Manners are not determined by region. It’s determined more by familial and societal influences.

@jeruba I love the information about high involvement and high considerateness, I had never heard those labels before.

I have some basics that I think everyone should be taught (this is for the US only because some customs are very different around the world). Know how to use a fork and knife appropriately, which means using your index finger to control the utensils, not hold them with a fist. Know how to shake hands well, firm and look the person in the eye. Give up your seat if someone elderly or pregnant gets on the bus. Let people out before you walk in to buildings, elevators, etc. Hold teh door open for the person behind you. Men should offer to help women when they are lifting something that needs to go above their heads, like a piece of luggage in an overhead compartment. Smile. I could list a bunch more, mostly I think it is good to know what is expected, even if you don’t use the “rules” everyday you know them for when you are around people you might not know well. Etiquette is there to make people comfortable, not uncomfortable. Some people will say that someone else has bad manners as a put down, but maybe the other person simply was never taught what is expected, or has different expectations in their subculture.

I don’t find that one area of the states is better with manners than another, but some of the things that are considered minding you matters or being respectful vary by region.

to this day I can’t put my elbows on a table when I eat, I have to hold doors and pull out chairs for a lady, and certainly no swearing in front of them… my parents programmed me like you wouldn’t believe. I grew up in Buffalo, NY, really blue collar, work ethic and manners are very much stressed here, as they were with all my friends growing up as well. But when I was living in Tampa Bay, manners seemed to be non existant.

There are several acts that I would call manners that are universally accepted throughout the world: 1. Thank you 2. Please 3. Excuse me 4. Hello 5. Goodby 6. No urinating in Public 7. No throwing trash 8 No cutting in line 9. Do not disturb other people.

I don’t think there is any culture where these are not the common rules.

@tinyfaery It is just as easy to use good manners in Spanish: me abalanzo es, por favor, gracias, de nada, (con) mucho gusto

Well since you said it, it must be true.

And of course, there are some people who are just plain rude in every culture as well, but, thank our lucky stars, they are in the minority.

I think that people who live in very beautiful, scenic parts of the U.S. are better at not littering. When I visited The Rocky Mountains in Colorado recently the only cigarette butts that I found on the ground were from my travel partners that smoke. It was very disheartening.

I thought I had good manners until I went to England. Wow, what an eye-opener. They think all Americans are uncouth, and no wonder. Did you know:
1. It’s rude to put money on the bed
2. It’s rude to refer to someone as “he” or “she” instead of their name
3. You don’t leave the office without saying goodbye to your boss and co-workers
4. You never enter a room without greeting everyone in it.
5. When presented with an array of cutlery at a dinner table, use the outside ones first and work your way in. The cutlery placed above your plate is for dessert.
6. You never eat in front of someone without offering them some
7. You never use your fork like a shovel
And the list goes on and on.The most mannerly American can’t go to England without pulling an etiquette boner. Tinyfaery is right. After living in England for a while and coming back, I wince every time someone does any of the above no-no’s.

@Skaggfacemutt Didn’t know 1 and 2. #3 I would say depends on the job, when I worked in an office and my boss’ office was very close to mine, I always let her know when I was leaving. #4. I would say depends on how big the crowd is, but if it is group of 20 or less, I would greet everyone. I think also there is a rule that if it is 8 or more at a table you can start eating as your food arrives, you do not have to wait for the whole table, but I would have to check if 8 is the right number, and during a toast if it is 8 or more I think it uncooth to try to clink everyones glass across the table etc, you just raise your glass and then drink. Someone feel free to correct me on those last ones.

@Skaggfacemutt

O.

C.

D.

I am glad I don’t live in England.

Domincx – Hahahaha! I agree! I found these fooba’s out by committing them, of course.

@Skaggfacemutt Hmm, in the Netherlands, at least half of those are pretty normal…

@Skaggfacemutt, faux pas?