Do relationships usually change after the first 3 months?

We will see how it goes? Not good enough for me. Looks like he’s just biding his time for the right moment to dump you.

On the other hand he could be fearful to say what’s deep in his heart. Maybe he wants it to come out right or something. But you have to keep talking about the relationship, just going along is pathetic especially if both of you are miserable.

He still tells me he loves me so I am confused. Maybe he does love me, but not as deeply as he thought at the beginning and maybe it will develop in the future?

“I can’t go more than a few hours with sending a text or calling him”

I would run so fucking fast my ass would be a blur.

Seriously, this is bad.

@johnpowell, so I guess you are telling me to back off?

You know what I’ve observed about people in relationships, they always assume what the other person may be feeling inclined to and what they might want. Just be straight forward and ask if it’s that important to you to know. You’re the other half of the relationship and he should atleast be responsible enough to put you out of the haze.

@Krazykat :: Pretty much. 3.5 months isn’t that long. It might be long to you but it is isn’t.

My point is that you need to talk about what is expected in the relationship. Are you exclusive or heavy petting partners. There is a difference.

3.5 months is not very long at all… by any stretch. Love and dependence are two very different things.

well dont see him in the first place. There’s plenty more fishs in the sea and there might be a right one wating for you. Or just get something better to do and keep yourself amused.

I don’t want to be crass or hurt you, but this sounds like dialogue from that movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Might be time to move on.

A text or a call every few hours would drive me crazy.

@worriedguy and @johnpowell – when you are in a relationship with someone, how often do you communicate?

The initial heat and passion of your relatively new relationship begins to wear thin and now he’s questioning his feelings towards you? Obviously, you have not been together very long and the initial excitement may have had you both hoping that this was the real deal and that the level of excitement would continue at a high level, but it has not. That doesn’t mean there is no hope for the relationship. A little space would be a good test of dedication for both of you. And don’t smother him with communication. If you do it too often, he is going to think you don’t trust him or you are too needy, both of which are not good. Besides, wouldn’t it speak more highly of his position in the relationship if he voluntarily phoned you at the end of a day in which you didn’t phone or text him at all? Good luck to you.

I am in a relationship with someone. We communicate every day. Because we see each other every day. When we don’t see each other, we generally chat online. But we regularly go from 7am when he leaves for work until 5:30 when he gets home without chatting. Since I know I’ll see him at the end of the day, I don’t get into a tizzy to talk to him while he’s at work unless we need to plan something.

Even at our hottest and heaviest, every few hours is a bit much.

There is usually a honeymoon period, if you will, with relationships. They are new and you are both really excited and into them, but you aren’t focusing on the hard stuff that makes a relationship work yet, because you don’t have to—you’re still feeling each other out and have no reason to get into the boring, serious bits of a relationship yet.

I would say three months is where that ends. At three months, it ceases to be casual and you have to start deciding if you want to go long term with this person—maybe not forever, but for a while. And you have to start dealing with her neurotic worrying or his bizarre inability to enjoy food like a normal person or whatever strange quirks you each have. Because when you’re hot and heavy and passionate, those things don’t matter. But when you’re thinking, “Hey, I could see myself with her for a while,” they suddenly really do.

And yes, things do start slowing down. In most relationships, you get to a point where things start slowing down a bit. If your relationship is strong and solid, it can survive. I promise. If you genuinely like each other, you aren’t just hot for each other, it will survive. The vast majority of all relationships slow down. It’s not a big deal. They’ll pick up again later and slow down again. If you stay together forever and ever you probably won’t ever experience the fast paced excitement of the first few months again—and that’s okay!

Please read and reread what WTF and Empress said, they’re dead on. Everybody else is being cynical and sarcastic, which is usually awesome EXCEPT when you’re in a delicate situation and actually need help.

I went through this same thing a few months ago, and I didn’t handle it appropriately. But I will say, the texting thing is a brand new problem for kids of our generation – we have unlimited, nonstop communication, and it’s hard not to take advantage. BUT at some point it becomes an addiction, and its not that you want to text them but you HAVE to. Good morning text, I just got to school text, my class is boring how is your class text, what are you doing after school text, all evening texts, goodnight texts, texts to wake up to in the morning… it’s nuts! It’s incredible, but it’s nuts – and you burn through everything you have to say to the person, because it’s not a deep conversation or meaningful talk, its just a damn status update.

Breathing room OR a break is the best thing you can do right now. The others have explained how to get some room, but I want to tell you that a break isn’t as scary as it sounds. Breaks work for some people, and they can strengthen a relationship – don’t write it off. It depends on the couple.

The most important thing you can do is be completely honest with each other about stuff like this. It’s scary as hell, but if you really think he could be someone to spend the rest of your life with, you need to be able to face your fears and bulldoze over them.

God there is so much more to say… I don’t want to talk you to death….

Good luck! It’s hard stuff, don’t let anyone get you down for how difficult it is.

In my experience, what some folks fail to understand is that long-term relationships are ultimately a practical arrangement (the “cake”, if you will).

When you first walk into the bakery, you are attracted by the frosting and the way the cake is decorated. So you take it home.

The first few bites are all frosting. Sweet and yummy and attractive. “Score”, you think.

But to truly enjoy the cake, you have to dig deeper. Here is where you might find it’s a carrot cake and not the chocolate cake you expected. Well you just can’t keep eating like crazy without stopping to think, “do I really like carrot cake?”, “will the carrot cake agree with my digestion?”

You have to discuss this with the cake if you expect the experience to last past the frosting. You have to decide if the frosting is worth the cake. Maybe stop eating the cake for a while and try some vegetables.

Also, @trumi, @whatthefluther, and @EmpressPixie are spot on in their advice.

They say in about 7 months the chemistry in your brain will start to change. That stuff that makes you lust and such. It keeps ya both going till you get to know one another.
After that it becomes quality not quantity.

Relationships always change and evolve. Romance often starts off hot and heavy, and then turns into something more stable and comfortable. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years. Relationships are built upon mutual attraction, friendship, trust. Pretty soon you realize that you have built a history with this person – you have seen the same movies, had the same experiences. It’s like the hot and heavy part was Kindergarten. Now the relationship is moving on to first grade

ALL relationships need to have room for individual interests and personal time. I would not jump to the conclusion that your relationship is doomed.

@Krazykat I call my wife on the way home from work and ask if I need to pick up anything. I do not call her during the day. We are both busy during the day doing something else.

MY THEORY!!! ONCE YOU MAKE IT WITH SOMEONE FOR THREE MONTHS YOU WILL BE WITH THEM MUCH LONGER! You made it past the part where you find out if they annoy you or not! Your relationship will go through different stages! MAKE IT HOTT AND HEAVY IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT! If you both want to be with eachother you will make time for eachother! Create the perfect relationship YOU HAVE THE POWER!

People get more comfortable around each other after the first few months and the real you starts coming out… could be that it’s not what you both thought you were getting in the beginning

Every costume party changes when the disguises are removed.

@ChazMaz : Can you elaborate on the 7 months chemistry thing? It sounds interesting!

Here is what I found. Just to make it more official.

The conclusions of Professor Cindy Hazan of Cornell University are based on 5,000 interviews across 37 cultures and medical tests on couples. The conclusions challenge the romantic ideal and suggest instead that men and women are biologically and mentally predisposed to be ‘in love’ for only 18 – 30 months. That is just long enough for a couple to meet, mate, and have a child. After that, there is no evolutionary need for the sweaty palms often associated with the high point of love.

“There is mounting evidence that what we call love is created by a chemical cocktail in the brain triggered through social conditioning,” says Hazan. These chemicals, which are registered together only during the initial stages of courtship, are dopamine, phenylethylamine, and oxytocin. But even the most ardent romantics develop a tolerance to the effects of these chemicals. “The effect wears off, returning people to a relatively relaxed state of mind within two years,” says Hazan.
The Cornell study indicates that most men fall in love more quickly and easily than women, and that women end most relationships. This may suggest that women get less hooked on the cocktail of love.

They should change as much as possible when growing with another, I think.

@ChazMaz Thank you for the response!

A red flag went up reading after seeing that you spend most days and nights together and that you constantly. this is a big part of what ruined my last relationship. I didn’t know how to say that I was being smothered. you can’t be on top of each other all the time, I made the mistake of letting this go on. I understand you want to be around him, but if you’re always there, or always texting/calling eventually one of you is going to get tired of the routine and the lack of space. Maybe he’s just feeling the pressure a bit and needs to slow down. I know that if I had taken steps to balance my time better (that is, not constantly being on top of each other every minute of every day) the relationship would have at least lasted a bit longer.

Love grows, infatuation fades. It’s very easy to mistake infatuation for love. They are not the same thing.

@ChazMaz : That’s because we have chocolate. :^>

Run. Seriously. I had the exact same thing happen to me a few months back. Almost identical. And it didn’t end well. What you are experiencing isn’t love. It’s lust and obsession. Those two things put together can feel amazing for the first few months but it blinds you. And by the time you open your eyes wide enough to see the truth you’ll be alone and hurting. You guys definitely moved too fast. If this is something BOTH of you want to try and work out long term you have to give each other space. Stop with the obsessive calls and texts (I realize how hard it can be. I was THAT girl). Give him his space and if he comes back to you, he obviously thinks you’re worth it. I think he’s probably a little scared. Things went too fast for him and he’s just backing off and thinking things through. Just make sure you are on the same page. Tell him not to get your hopes up or waste any of your time if this isn’t something he’s serious about working out. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

It looks like the two of you kind of rushed the whole “get to know each other” process. Spending so much time together, not a good idea. He got sophocated.. Give him the space he needs. If he truly loves you he will look for you. I wouldn’t move a finger at this point if I was you. Another thing, once he comes back you two need to set boundaries and take baby steps in the relationship.