Is your judgment of people affected by your opinions of their partners/spouses/friends?
For example, if you are friends with someone and you just can not get along with their spouse, do you wonder about your friend and their own judgment…as in why are they with this person? or do you wonder what’s wrong with you?...people always say you shouldn’t judge others based on their friends or family but to a certain extent, these are the people they choose to hang around and if these people are people you do not respect after interacting with them, does it make you question the person that connects you to them? What if your friend also sees what’s wrong with their friends but remains friends because ‘well you know we’ve been friends for a while’ and you simply can’t be friends with those people anymore, does it affect your friendship with the original friend? I know you can always spend time with them on their own but the company they run with, does it matter? Think of the company you run with..you closest 5 friends/partners/family members…if they were taken into a room by another person and participated in a focus group, what would the impression the researcher get of them and would there be a reflection on you?
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This is going to sound bad and like a joke. But it isn’t.
When friends hooks up with dumb people, I assume the dumb one is good in bed.
@johnpowell mayhaps you speak from personal experience?
My judgement of their judgement, yes.
Over small things… no.
If someone was harboring a fugitive serial killer, I would probably judge them somewhat harshly.
I have a friend whose wife I abso-fucking-lutely cannot stand. He and I are still friends, but for obvious reasons, I don’t ever visit him unless she isn’t there. We were friends before they got married, so I guess I just have to deal with his choice of spouse. His friendship is too valuable to me to drop just because I think his wife is a &$#@&*!
Sometimes. If I just don’t like the friend or SO in question, I don’t judge my friend for that. However, if the friend or SO is truly an awful human being, or a creeper, then yes I do. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop being friends with them necessarily, but I wonder what in the hell they were thinking. Sometimes, I’ve gone so far as to ask!
@Simone_De_Beauvoir it says his taste in women leaves something to be desired. He’s not alone in that regard, I know plenty of men with the very same problem.
@evelyns_pet_zebra but it’s not like his taste in pancakes or muffins or something…this is supposedly his life partner
Good question. In a way it is, but most times no. I know someone that comes across as a very nice person (to me) but from what I have heard he is a real jerk. His wife is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet. I love this girl and whenever there is a get together, the two of us hang. I don’t judge her because her husband may be the biggest douche there is.
If you were to get 5 of my closest friends or relatives in a focus group, you would find 5 kind, caring, helpful, funny, sarcastic individuals.
I agree with @Jack79.
When a bride chooses a friend who has repeatedly cheated on her husband to stand up for her as the wedding as matron of honor, I wonder how seriously she takes her own marriage.
Your friends and partners are, essentially, who you choose to stand up for you in life. Would I judge a boyfriend for having a best friend who beats his wife? You bet. Would I judge my friend for marrying a racist? Yep. They are choosing to remain in close or intimate contact with people who have major character flaws and I can’t help but think that says something unflattering, at best, about them.
And you haven’t even touched on family
The only way I judge my friends/family is if they have an abusive spouse or friend that they won’t get rid of. I don’t judge them as in I dislike them now, I just feel bad for them and judge that they have this weakness and see if I can help.
I would judge them over things I consider serious, yes. I think it’s impossible not to do if you’re a person who has any true morals. I would never be friends with someone who was friends with a racist, homophobic, sexist, abusive (etc.) person. It’s true to some extent – for everyone – that you are the company you keep.
Not normally no. I can’t be friends with certain types of people, but it doesn’t bother me if my friends hang out with them. I just figure they see something i don’t.
My mother always used to say to me “I can only judge your friends by the way you are when you’re around them.”
Typically no, I would not judge my friend. Especially not if it is their family that sucks, because you don’t have control over who your family is.
I think a good example for me would be my sister in laws “boyfriend.” He is a lazy, irresponsible, child-man that she should just drop, but she seems to think she can help him or whatever. It’s bizzare. The entire family dislikes the guy, because of how awful he has been to SIL and their daughter, but we tolerate him at family functions. It makes them very awkward.
I’ve had conversations with her uncles and aunts about it, and her mother and father…they all just don’t understand. She’s a smart girl, why him?! you know? I think it makes you respect the person less, when it’s a scummy person.
If my friend were dating a really dumb person, I’d think the guy was great in bed. I’d know the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.
It is always a potential tool for your defence. When your friend stops being your friend.
@PandoraBoxx she isn’t dumb, she is just pushy and aggressive. Whether she is good in bed or not, well, I don’t even want to consider that. I wouldn’t fuck her with @johnpowell‘s dick.
My judgment/opinion is more focused on people’s very close friends rather than their partners. In my experience, partners come and go but friends are pretty much forever.
When I have met the wives of my co-workers, I am always astonished at how well they married.
@filmfann doesn’t sound like you’re happy in your marriage from the couple of your past comments…sorry about that
Very happy in my marriage, but I am honest.
@filmfann my apologies then, I must have misunderstood your above statement then
One could never judge me on how my family behaved in their lifetime. So good question. I am going to say though if a friend chose a loser as a partner I would not want to hang out with them, why, because we choose our friend not our family.
We tend to associate with people with the same interests and characteristics as ourselves.
We are a product of our environment.
As much as we don’t like to or want to “judge” others. Knowing who this individual associates with or is a part of. Is a window into what their disposition is.
As the saying goes… You can pick your partner but you can’t pick their family.
The truth is, yes you can and you do.
It is all part of the equation and a matter of if you want to see it.
Depends on how toxic the relationship I’m judging is. Personally I always pay attention to who someone hangs with. If their hanging with a bunch of thugs that’s a good indicator of how they think them self.
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