Parents: does your partner take half of the parental load?

My husband could definitely handle it if I went away for a couple days….that’s not to say he’d enjoy it! lol

We do things differently though, which really bothers me. He lets our son watch way too much tv and doesn’t think exposing him to violent video games is an issue…when I’ve asked him time and time again to just not play in front of our son. Any time our son starts a tantrum, my husband will plop him down in front of the tv. I don’t think he realizes how bad this is for a toddler.
I do let our son watch tv, but on in the mornings (when I’m not functioning yet) and right before bed. I make sure we go out and do things during the day…go to a museum, indoor playground, the library etc…this seems like torture to my husband though :( He’s fine when it’s all three of us, but if it’s him..I literally have to hide the remotes so he can’t watch anything. I even give him suggestions on what to go do and he just has no motivation to do it :(
Rant over.

He does love to play, he changes any diapers I ask him to, he can prepare meals, do the bathing (I have to literally beg him to do this though…he thinks our child doesn’t need baths Gross)
So yeah, we have our differences but I do trust him. Now, if something were to happen to me…I’d be concerned for my son. There are plans I have for him, educationally and I don’t know if my husband feels they are as important as I feel they are.

Oh and when our son was little little, I trusted DH with the baby. He was great with him, even when working 70 hour work weeks. I did the majority of the parenting but DH wanted to help as much as possible. He did ALL the diapers, because after giving birth it was difficult to bend over the changing table.
This would be incredibly important to me. If we clashed greatly as parents, I don’t think our relationship would survive. You have to be on the same page and cannot put all the burden on one parent. Even though I do almost all the parenting right now, and I do get fed up with it, my husband is working to help support us so that is helping. You have to respect that your partner is contributing…and if you can’t contribute then you need to get your priorities straight.

@casheroo well with another baby on the way, :), I hope you and your husband get aligned on some of these things…so it doesn’t cause strain to your relationship…it will be harder on you with two

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I wouldn’t say it’s a huge strain. I did get my husband to listen to some cd’s on proper disciplining and that really helped. It has helped our sons tantrums lessen and both me and DH to react properly to them. So, DH does try to be a better parent, which is all I could ask for since I believe it’s all a learning experience.

@casheroo yes, it’s definitely good when a parent is willing to reconsider their ideas and learn

He was/is completely involved in the raising of the boys (sons and grandsons). Right from the very first week, when he roomed in the hospital with me, through being a very helpful grandfather. He has been a partner in homeschooling, including teaching three teens (so far) how to drive, and he can prepare meals, do dishes, and operate the washer and dryer. He is also very, very good at delegating these duties to the kids as soon as they are old enough.

Our 2 year old grandson is already learning how to help grandpa and me make his own sandwiches and salads. He helps out in the kitchen, then carries his plate to his highchair, and climbs in and eats, then returns the dishes to the sink.

Yes, my husband takes half of the parental load – sometimes more whenever he sees that I’m tired or stressed out from work. He also does half of the household chores for me because we both work. (Ex. He cooks our meals because he gets home earlier that I do – I clean the dishes. He does the laundry – I iron the clothes. I dust – he vacuums) Gotta love the man…

Yup. The wife and I are a fifty-fifty kind of couple.

She cooks; I clean. She washes; I fold. And we both parent.

I honestly couldn’t be married to someone who didn’t pull their weight. And I really have an issue with fathers who are unwilling to do the dirty work of parenting or act either skittish or moronic around diapers, formula or vomit.

Get a grip, grow a sack and get in there. It’s your kid too ya scmuck. And, if you really are clueless; buy a book or take a class. Just get it done.

@cprevite Yay! you’re a cool dad and hubby! =)

But having a vagina does provide you with a special love for poop, tears, and tantrums, doesn’t it? @Simone_De_Beauvoir

my s/o will take care of “our” kids if I need to spend a night out and relieve some stress and do something w/what is left of my friends

I say “our” kids because “our” kids is mine, his, and ours
and that is about it.

NO!

Thanks for the opportunity to vent. But in actuality, I am grateful for all the quality time I get with my kids. This isn’t always the case for divorced dads.

Bahahahahahahahahahaha!
No.
that’s why he’s my ex husband now. And he still functions as an occassional babysitter.

I think we have our things pretty balanced, over all, although our balance shifts around a little. In my previous job, I would be traveling a lot and while traveling, I couldn’t be of much help. Nowadays, I am the one who spends more time at home and I do a little more than my partner.

But running a household is a lot more than merely taking care of the children. There are many more chores to be done and some seem to more naturally gravitate to me. Such as fixing the washing machine, or painting the house. Overall we are on balance though.

I was often frustrated and amused at the same time, when our twins were just about 4 months old. In those days, I was in-between-jobs, but people would never come up to me when asking “That must be a lot of work, how do you manage? Especially since you also have a job!”

My wife would then reply in the line of… “I don’t know, ask my husband. I work five days per week. He takes care of them.”

I guess having twins while my wife couldn’t breast feed helped me a lot as well, though. We were always both awake in the middle of the night. Each feeding one baby. That allowed me a lot more/easier bonding than what I see with a lot of other men.

Often I see that the mother especially during the period of breast feeding shares a lot more intimacy with the baby than her husband. It makes sense, of course. Nevertheless I have often seen as a consequence of that, that couples more or less fall back into “it is her baby… and she knows best”. Moms will quite often know there baby a lot better and instruct their husband in how to approach the baby differently. Often these mums are right, but from there it is easy for a man to step away somewhat. Us having twins didn’t allow us to fall into that position. We were both needed from the start.

No. When they were little, he would do what I asked, when I asked him. When they were school age, he traveled for work, and on the weekends, they did fun things while I did household chores. They’re now college age, he has never once asked how I’m paying college tuition, or do they have enough money to live on.

@Zendo I do not believe inherently, no

I’m a 100% single parent so nope… Unless you count seeing your child 3 times in as many years within the percentage… then it’s probably something like 99.8%??

And I’m quite happy with things this way for me anyway

My husband would know what to do and when to do it, but none of them would forgive me. My husband hides in his room when he’s not at work and my kids rely on “the pushover” to get what they want.

@ShanEnri that sounds bad

It works out in the end! We all get what we want and believe it or not we’re happy! When I had surgery 2 years ago I was overnight at the hospital and there were no complaints!

Yes, he is very good at the 50/50 role. There have been times when it is more like a 60/40 role, lately, as I have been recovering from surgery. He doesn’t shy away from his role, he embraces it.

I consider myself lucky and my children very lucky. He’s a great dad.

I work, and my wife is a stay at home mom.
On weekends, I will do dishes, and laundry, and she goes out and does whatever she likes. I think it’s pretty even.

My mom did all the caregiving when I was growing up. Dad was just the guy that supported us all, and played with us when he was in the mood. He did some disciplining, but we knew that we were in BIG trouble if Dad was called in. I raised my kids the same and didn’t expect any more than that from my spouse. If I was sick or something, then he (like my Dad) would step up to the plate, but it wasn’t his usual role.

@Skaggfacemutt so did that work out for you?