How would you/ did you feel when your parents divorced?

I’m very glad my parents divorced when I was still really young. I didn’t really care, didn’t really realize what it meant, and just grow used to it. I can’t even imagine how those two have ever gotten alone. About the only memory I have from them together is each one of them pulling one of my arms arguing about where they wanted to go. It’s for the better this way.

So I would say, get some relationship counceling if they haven’t yet, and if that doesn’t work then I think a divorce is better than arguing all the time, as that is also (/more) terrible for a child’s upbringing. I experienced that with my mother’s new boyfriend who lived with us for five years or so.

My dad is 73 and my mum 64 and divorce is unthinkable, despite some problems they may sometimes have (like all normal married couples). Right now I’d find it really weird and probably extremely funny. It wouldn’t bother me, but it would certainly shock me.

When I was younger I often wished my parents would divorce as long as I got to stay with my dad. My mum was neither a good person nor a good mother, but my dad somehow put up with her all these years. I didn’t.

How would I feel? Well, I’d be rather shocked, since my parents have been happily married for almost 27 years. I know they’ve had fights but nothing in the past couple years, and nothing that tore them apart.
I don’t think they would do well without the other, so it’d have to be something major for them to get a divorce, like infidelity. That would just never happen though.
I guess, since I’m an adult, it’d be easier to cope with since I could understand why it was happening..as a child, you can’t really understand the complexity of divorce.

My husbands parents divorced when he was I think 20, it was a long time coming and they just waited until the younger siblings turned 18…which makes no sense to me, but it’s what they did. My husband said they never shared a bed, and he can’t recall any time they were physical together (as in lovingly physical). I can’t imagine growing up like that, knowing your parents want a divorce but they’re together just for the kids :(

My parents got divorced when I was 12 or 13. I remember being very angry and thinking it was incredibly selfish of my father to leave us. He knew my mother couldn’t take care of me and my sister on her own, and he left anyway.

I never felt like I had any responsibility in the matter, which means I didn’t feel guilty and I also didn’t feel like there was anything I could do to change it.

I also realized when it happened that it made me feel lesser somehow to have parents who were no longer together. That was an ugly realization, because it forced me to accept that I thought people were better when their families were intact. Yikes. What a horribly incorrect assumption, huh?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like your parents are really concerned with doing what’s right for everyone in your family—sometimes divorce is the best thing for everyone. Good luck, hang in there, and keep us posted…

As if it was long overdue and then relief.

Relieved. But they waited to long and screwed up the kids by trying to keep it together when their incessant fighting should have split them up years earlier.

My parents were together for 27 years, married for 24 when they got a divorce. I was 24 and pregnant with my second child when my mother told me that she was going to leave my father. My little sisters were 15 and 18 at the time, and so I moved home to my father’s house to help him and my sisters with the transition.

It was sad, it was hard, we cried, we fought, we felt like each day was a struggle. We tried to help my father while still trying to love my mother. Divorce is not an easy thing.

However, it was six years ago at this point. I sometimes think it was harder being older and feeling responsible for my siblings. But then I know that if I was 14 and my sisters were 6 and 9, I would have still felt responsible for them. And that would have probably been more damaging.

The good news is that everyone is happy. My mother remarried and I love my stepdad very much. My dad has had a few bumps in the road, but it gets better. I also felt like my family was ruined, but that is not the case. My family was redefined, and as long as there is love and understanding for each other, then your family will be okay too.

I was seven-years-old when my parents got divorced. And honestly, even at such a young age, I knew it was the best thing that they could do. While they were married my sister and I grew up in an extremely hostile environment and we never knew if it was going to be a good or bad day, so it was like having walk on eggshells all the time.

It made me happy because I knew some of the tension would dissipate – and it did.

I am soo scared for that to happen but it hasn’t happened yet and I really hope it won’t.
I don’t know what it would be like to have your parents divorced :(

I would be crushed if my parents were to get divorced; I’m only glad that I’m going off to college and won’t be living with them constantly like I have been for the past 17 years. They’ve been married for 23 years (their anniversary is my birthday) and they’ve never even come close to getting a divorce (to my knowledge). It would be terrible.

I have a friend whose parents divorced when he was 7 and his dad married a lawyer and lives in a nice house in a nice part of the city whereas his mom lives in a tiny apartment and doesn’t even really have a job right now. My friend lived with his mom all throughout high school (and before most likely, though I don’t really know) and then just recently he got in a huge fight with his mom and now he lives with his dad while his sister still lives with his mom. It’s just not a good environment. Broken homes always have the negative statistics; I am glad I did not have to be involved in something like that.

My parents made sure both kids were safely packed away in boarding school and then my mother wrote us each a letter. I don’t think that was ideal. How I felt? Glad to be out of the house. But abandoned.
After that, my father refused to discuss it, but I heard my mother’s side of it every time I saw her. A burden.

My parents separated when I was 10. I was completely shocked, since they never ever fought in front of me or my siblings. I remember crying when they told me, but it wasn’t really a big deal. I don’t even remember him moving out, but I assume they me and my sibs occupied while that happened. I do remember a little bit more open hostility (or… disagreement I suppose) after they separated, as though they no longer had to convince us that they had the perfect marriage. It was nothing too bad though, my dad was an extremely mild-mannered guy and would barely raise his voice to my mother, let alone anything that could qualify as “yelling.” My mom was a little more aggressive in her vocal intonations but I only remember her yelling at him once or twice. She was more inclined to get aggravated than truly angry at him. My dad moved to an apartment very close by to our house, and my siblings and I still saw him every single day – well, until he died when I was 11 that is. (Which is one of the reasons I’m really glad they made sure that we did see him every day, even though he was no longer living at home with us.)

@nikipedia, your post mirrors my situation and feelings exactly. My father left us, not just my mother. He expected us to be happy that he was going to be happy. I ended up in the middle of arguments between my parents, “Ask your father for the back child support because we don’t have any money.” “Tell your mother that I don’t have the money because Doris and I are moving to Florida.” Add to that, my mother refused to tell our relatives that my dad left (we lived away from everyone) for three years, and we had no one to talk to about it. This was not a situation where my father was abusive, or had addiction issues. They both married the wrong person.

It’s affected a lot of my decisions for the rest of my life (forty years after the divorce so far) and I am just now getting over it. But my own life mirrors this.

I really think that the most important thing for children is if their parents love each other and treat each other with respect. When parents divorce, neither parent should ever say a bad word about the other parent to their children. That’s what really leaves scars.

You can’t do anything to prevent your parents from getting a divorce. That’s their decision, and chances are it has nothing to do with you. They will still be your parents, and they will still love you. You’ll just have two homes instead of one. It’s survivable, and in time, happiness will return.

I recommend Mom’s House Dad’s House. There’s a version for kids, and one for parents. It’s a great book, and will help you to think about what might be going on. And if you still have concerns, talk to a counselor at school (if you’re a student.) Talking helps a lot.

I am sorry to hear about your parents. My parents have been married for 23 years and honestly I think it would be harder on me now then if they divorced when I was little. I say this because I have formed a close relationship to both of them for my whole life that I couldn’t imagine them apart.

I’d feel relieved and fucking happy.

I was 7 or 8 when my mother and stepfather divorced. I was truly relieved because they fought all the time. FWIW, my stepfather is still my Dad – he walked me down the aisle when I got married. I’m 41 years old and closer to my stepdad than to my mother.

When my ex and I divorced, our 3 kids were 11 and under. We did everything we could (including marriage counseling – twice) to prevent it, but in the end divorce was the only sensible solution for us. It was a terrible time for all of us. Our children were in no way responsible for our decision, and could have had no impact on the outcome. We all adjusted to our new circumstances fairly quickly, and 5 years later everyone is happier than when we were married.

Know that divorce just changes your family logistics, it doesn’t change your family.

I wanted my parents to get divorced. I told my mom to divorce my dad many times. They separated for a year once, and my mom dated this guy who I wanted her to marry. Sadly, my parents got back together.

My dad was/is a huge ass, and we all would have been better if my mom had left him while my sister and I were still relatively young. Instead, my dad took off when I was 17 and reemerged 5 years later expecting everything to be the same.

I felt compeled to play with my stuffed carebear, love-alot bear. I was two years old.

I don’t know how I felt since my childhood is a dark void! However my mom left my biological father because of his abusiveness! I’m sure I would have been happy about it. I can’t speak from a point of view like yours. Sorry that you (may) have to go through it!

My parents have been married now for 59 years so I doubt they will ever divorce. My father cares for my mother, changing her diapers, and all that, and they still hold hands, so I would say that I am safe from the trauma of seeing my parents separate.

However, my brother and the mother of his children divorced when their oldest child was 11, and their youngest 7. It was and still is a nightmare for the kids, my brother, and even my parents, because his ex is a manipulator who wants money and will do just about anything to get it.

She has definitely damaged all three kids through her actions, starting with how she announced the divorce. This was on Christmas Eve at my parents’ house, without having said anything before to my brother or the kids, and accusing my brother of being a bad husband, unfaithful, and several other things. It turns out she had been having an affair for two years. She has continued to wreak havoc on the psyches of her children. The oldest, now 18, has moved to Denver to get away from her.

OTOH, I have seen several divorced couples who still seem to get along amicably. One couple even still shared a house up until he died. But then, two kids (not related to us or each other) now live at my brother’s place semi-permanently because they no longer want to live with either of their parents.

I would say good for my mom, feel sorry for my dad who can’t do anything for himself and wonder how it would affect all of us financially

I was expecting it when it happened. I was 11 years old when they finally decided to go their seperate ways but for a long time I noticed that something had changed within our family. I would get upset a lot and ask my parents if they were splitting up and they would assure me that they had no plans to. My mum had an affair which was the final straw.

When they finally broke the news to us I was sad of course but I wasn’t surprised at all.

What made things slightly easier was the fact that my dad had often been away with the Navy and so when he left (my brother and I stayed with our mum) and we only saw him on weekends it wasn’t much different to how it had always been we just went to another house to see him.