How long should I wait before I assume it's over?

For him, you are now just a booty call. There really are no mixed messages here, just one you don’t want to face.

You deserve better than a guy who can’t make time in his life to contact you even once a week. If he cared, he would.

Contacting you should be a pleasure he looks forward to, not an obligation he has to deal with. If he doesn’t feel that way, I’m sorry, darlin’, but his thoughts are not with you. There’s nothing you can do to correct that; it doesn’t need correcting, just recognizing. I don’t think marriage is going to make it better.

Was this an issue before you split up or has he started treating you differently during Round 2?

I ask because I see two possibilities: either this level of communication is what he’s comfortable with, or he is avoiding you talking to you because your relationship still has some problems.

@Marina: Come on, really? “Just a booty call”? You don’t think this guy might be, I don’t know, having some complicated feelings that he’s trying to sort out? It doesn’t excuse the lack of communication but relationships are not always easy and sometimes people don’t behave perfectly when they’re confused and conflicted…

You should not be having to remind him to contact you. Men in love will move mountains just to hear the sound of their lover’s voice and yet you are getting nothing but silence.

If indeed you continue this relationship- which is not in fact a real relationship- be prepared to be alone a lot. If you end up marrying him be prepared to raise children alone. This arrangement you have now is not compatible for a long term relationship. It seems to me that he has indeed found a way to keep you as a friend without having you as a girlfriend.

You deserve so much more and deserve to be loved as much as you love.

@nikipedia It was blunt, but not meant unkindly. In a situation in which the boyfriend broke up with her, she was still in love with him, then he starts things up again, but now he hardly ever sees or even talks to her, I stick by my guns.

I think guys who don’t call just aren’t that into you.

I have to agree with Marina. But what’s different with Round 2 from Round 1, is that this time, you get to break up with him. You have some really basic communication needs, and that’s not his style. This will never work for you, and you get to tell him.

You might be surprised! My brother got in trouble at work for texting. My husband doesn’t know how! (No kidding) He does manual labor too and works up to 60 hours a week. He really doesn’t have time to call me back sometimes. Try doing some of the things he does with him. The tasks around the house and such. Or spend 5 minutes with him before he goes to sleep!

@Marina: I really don’t think people are that simple. Some people prefer not to call just to say hi; other people thrive on it. Yes this is an important issue in terms of compatibility between two people, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her. Which is why I asked if this was an ongoing problem (is this in his nature?) or if it was new (related to other relationship problems).

By way of example: I have been dating someone for a little bit who is definitely not a call/text-for-no-reason kind of guy. It’s just not how he is. But he shows he cares about me by fixing my bike, driving me to the airport at 4am, giving me the good pillow, etc.

Being a guy that had experience a long term relationship with someone, I do miss those times I had with my girlfriend. Days and weeks after we broke up, I miss doing things with her like going out to the movie, hanging around together and so on because she the closest person to me in my life apart from my parents.

It could probably due the loneliness that he wanted the relationship back again. I am guy and i do take for granted when I know my partner cares for me. I became lazy and selfish to contribute in the relationship because I knew and was sure that she loved me and she would do anything to make the relationship work.

Someone said a guy will do anything to that the girl he loves wishes. It is very true. Once that feeling is gone , it is very clear. Guys do not waste time pretending especially when the relationship has started. Its only during courting stage that a guy might act differently to chase the girl.

Just my thought.

I would not just assume that it is over, you need to talk to him. It seems that you talk a lot about what is going on in his life. We tend to sometimes make excuses for those we love. He however does not need an excuse for not contacting you. A small I’m thinking of you text takes only a few seconds.

It sounds like you are not one of his priorities… and maybe you are not even one of your own priorities. Your needs and wants matter too. You have to be your own priority.

He may be busy, but you need to make yourself happy in life. You will not change him, and you cannot make someone realize that they don’t think of you and your feelings enough. You shouldn’t have to tell people how to treat you, it should come naturally out of love and respect.

Just an additional thought, ego might be a problem for guys as well.

He might care but he just doesnt want to make the move.

@Mermaidblu: How long should you wait? Not another second of your valuable life.

The wise poet, Anne Sexton, said, “The joy that isn’t shared dies young.”

I don’t know the details of your relationship, or how he feels about you. But no matter how busy I am, I’ll always make time for the one I love. Even if I have much larger problems to deal with than work and education. Unfortunately I’ll have to agree with people who say he simply doesn’t care enough. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you at all, or that he has someone new, but simply that you are not top on his list of priorities right now. And you ought to be.

You need to make a move too. He is probably sitting there wondering why he hasn’t heard from you. A phone call everyday isn’t needy. One every two hours is.

In the course of your discussion to try again, did you tell him that it’s important to you to hear from him on a regular basis, even if it’s only a 2 minute phone call?

If I were you I would talk to him about it before you assume that it’s over. I just got out of a long relationship and my ex did the same things that this guy is doing to you. Sometimes he would not text/call or it got to the point where he would just isolate himself from me for 2–3 days in a row. I think if someone cares about you so much they would write you even simple texts and this guy couldn’t do that for me. Well being the stupid person I am I stayed with him until he screwed up again and I dumped him out of anger. Frankly, I tried to take it back but he wouldn’t except and said he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. So now only being single for a month I think maybe this is the best for me right now. I need someone who can text/call me and show me that they care about me when I am not expecting it. Even though I am in pain from the break-up, I am not stressing about waiting to hear from him tonight like I was for most of the last year of our relationship. Hang in there girl.

Wow, I’m having the same exact problem and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I think I deserve some more attention as well, but even when I try to bring it to my s.o.‘s attention he says he’ll change but in the end never does. He’ll change for 4 days and then return to his bad habit of totally neglecting me.
No matter how busy someone is, it’s not that hard and it does not take more than 5 seconds to text somebody, meaning that his ‘busy life’ is just a stupid, bullshit excuse.
Believe me, it’s hard to realize that that person is just not treating you the way you should be..
I have not taken the step to break up with him either, because when I do see him or when I do hear from him I’m just happy as can be. However, he always makes times for his friends…
it’s really not okay and I should probably just try and forget about him.

@punkrockworld: Don’t forget him; enjoy the memories and learn more about yourself from the experience. Perhaps your next choice will be better for you.