Should I end a friendship with a man who keeps trying for more?

He probably just wants sex.. beware.

Yes, you should.

He wants you to be his, and this won’t go away. And since you have no interest, end it and save yours and his time.

This subject reminds me of this opinion article from The Onion

I am a kinda similar situation with this right now actually. See I just got out of a long relationship and this friend keeps asking me to go on dates with him. I keep telling him that I don’t want to date him because of the fact that I am not ready to date and the fact that there are red flags with him as well. So today I told him honestly that if I went on a date with you, I would be using you (rebound) and I don’t want to hurt you. So he got really upset and blocked me from facebook, but it’s probably for the best for me right now. I don’t need someone constantly asking me out when I have said no a multiple of times. So if this guy just can’t except the fact that you want to be friends then maybe it’s best to end the friendship.

I’ve been in this situation before. Unfortunately, it will never be just friends to him. Even though it is not your intention, you are kind of leading him on by just continuing contact.

Red flags and issues hehe, made my day, want to get something to eat later?

Walk away. If that is how he is then your “friendship” was just a setup. So he could get close to you.

You’re leading him on. Yeah, maybe you don’t mean to do so, but that’s exactly what you are doing. Stop doing that. Yes, I would end the friendship, it doesn’t seem as if you are getting enough value for the effort you put in in combating his crush on you.

Tell him what you just told us. If that is to hard (I understand if it is) you should break things off. Or do what I would do. Slowly disappear.

Could a consensus be more clear? End it now. There is no hope this guy will be satisfied being just friends. I believe that was already very clear to you, but now you have reinforcement. You say he has issues? If you think he may go over the deep end when you tell him, take someone with you or do it over the phone and record it. If he threatens you, go to the police and report it and then get a restraining order and have it served on him, pronto. Please do not continue trying to be kind if things get heated. If you don’t mind, please keep us posted.
PS: Welcome to fluther.

I’ve been on the opposite end of this situation, so let me tell you what he’s going through. He wants to be with you and hates that he’s limited in what he can do, his feelings overrun his rationality and fill his thoughts. I was always able to keep it quiet but obviously he cannot. It’s a desperate feeling, and it’s not one of those “I want it because I can’t have it” situations. Whatever doubts he has, he thinks that eventually he’ll “get to you”.
End it, the longer you do this the more stress and heartache for the both of you.

Thanks everyone. As you know, I’m new here. I feel like such a meanie dumping someone who’se a real nice guy and a good friend, but it’s one of those situations where it seems you have to be cruel to be kind. Thanks for helping me reason it out.

He IS highly attractive, and he IS a really nice guy. But he drinks an awful lot, has been arrested quite a lot. There are issues and they are real. I’m not just being a callous ahole not giving him a chance. The issues are real enough that if you knew them all you’d understand completely, but airing his dirty laundry isn’t the point. He’s a human being with feelings. I’m trying to do the “right thing” here. Thanks for the consensus.

You’re not being a meanie. The guy is not respecting your wishes and thus not respecting you.

Maybe he just wants to talk about his issues because some poeple do the opposite when they’re scared or anxious. If that’s not clearly the case, stop being friends with him. What a jerk to take advantage of your friendship like that. You can’t be expected to waste time on a low-life who was waiting to “gain your trust” before they could get their groove on. I can usually smell the insincerity off of these kinda guys a mile away.

To be fair to him and to you, I think you need to end the friendship. Neither one of you is getting what he/you want out of your relationship. You need to let him go off and find someone who doesn’t mind his red flags, and you need to go find a guy who doesn’t have red flags.

I’ve been in a similar situation a few times in my life, one of them I eventually tried dating and it was awkward and I regretted it as soon as I realized how serious he was about a relationship. I wouldn’t make a direct attempt to end the friendship but if he can’t understand that you care about him as a friend and not a boyfriend you should probably let him be upset and not try to patch up the relationship because it could be one reason why he keeps trying to have more than a friendship with you. It may turn out to be the best for you both.

Tell him the truth (and tell him straight that this is the last time you’re saying this) that you only want to be friends and you would have to end the friendship if he keeps crossing the boundaries. If he gets hurt, do not nurse his feelings…let him know that you mean it. If he slips away, then you know that it’s not friendship he was after.

He did turn out to be stalker material. No surprise there. However he eventually cooled off and moved on.

He is up on felony charges right now for breaking into a woman’s home and attacking her. She had a baby with her. He had a lot of drugs on him too when the police caught up with him so he’s also been charged with possession with intention to distribute, felony invasion of an inhabited dwelling and assault or something like that. Heck I don’t remember all the charges.

The court process isn’t over, but I assume this time he’s going to prison.

I doubt you normally get updates and I don’t know if it is appropriate to give you one so many months later. I just want to say you were right on and thank you. I ended it in july after the clear advice. Now, so many months later, after learning all this, I am so grateful that he hasn’t been in my life since July. I think you saved me from something that could have gotten scary. I want to give you all big big big fluther hugs. I am really glad I cut him out of my life before he went whacko. You may have saved me from something bad.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

@escapedone7… Thank you very much for taking the time to return to your question to update us, I am am relieved to hear that you “opted out” of the situation and are OK. Take care. See you…...Gary/wtf