What does it mean to love unconditionally?

I don’t think unconditional love exists unless you are totally willing to submerge your own ethics, personality and needs. In that case, i am pretty sure it has moved from love to obsession.

I love my husband very much, but if he murdered someone or became like the Unabomber, I would not be able to condone that, and it would affect my feelings.

Someone loves you no matter what, there is no condition that will change that.

In my opinion, unconditional love has nothing to do with romance or physical expressions of affection. It is also not necessarily aimed at a particular individual, though it may be easier to experience it this way. It is a love which is not based on conditions, meaning that the particular circumstances of the love do not influence the love itself. Said another way, the particular culture, lifestyle, language, or experiences of the people involved do not contribute to the love. Rather, it is a love which is outside of facts or opinions, but is a function of something that transcends conditions.

When Charity is referenced in the King James Version of the Bible, I believe it is trying to explain this type of love. It is thought of as the holiest kind of love, the kind of love which God has for his/her creation. But I do believe that human beings have the capacity, and responsibility, to experience this love.

The closest simple analogy to unconditional love is the love that parents are inclined to have for their children. Whether the children completely screw up or hate the parents, or fulfill all their dreams, or die, or any number of possible conditions- the parents still love and care for the child. Now, this doesn’t always happen, but it can be thought of as a kind of unconditional love. However, according to my incomplete definition above, it may not be unconditional love if it depends on the fact that they have a parent-child relationship.

In other words, unconditional love should not depend on the relationship of those experiencing the love. In order to understand this, we can think about someone who loves all life, or regards all life as sacred. No matter how much people kill and torture each other, this person regards and respects them equally. This is closer to unconditional love than parents loving their children.

This is why I said earlier that unconditional love is not necessarily aimed at an individual. While we might be willing to say that we love someone unconditionally, if the love was really unconditional, it would not regard individuals as different. So, if I unconditionally love my wife, I should also unconditionally love someone who is not my wife…otherwise there is a condition that the person be married to me or be nice to me or whatever.

There is a Tibetan Buddhist practice called Tong Len which is designed to develop compassion (ie unconditional love) for others. You might find it interesting. It operates by taking natural feelings of affection and love (like for one’s spouse or family) and directing them towards strangers and enemies. The idea is to train the mind to regard enemies and family as equally worth loving.

I hope this is helpful. It’s just my opinion on a very deep matter.

I’d be interested to read was @shak has to say about this.

If you love somebody even when it runs in conflict with your own personal interests, then I think that is as close as you can get to unconditional love.

It is self-explanatory. It can be in regards to loving your spouse, your children, or strangers.

@Marina I’m guessing you don’t have kids.

I didn’t always like my kids or step-kids but I did (and do) love them unconditionally.

It means that love demands nothing in return. A gift is only a gift if it is given freely.

I can only see unconditional love as the love for one’s children. The love I have for my wife is conditional, that is the condition of the type of person that she is. I fell in love with her because of who she is and because of her personality. The love I have for my daughters truly has no conditions. Regardless of the kind of people they are or actions they take, I will always love them.

@missingbite Think of the Unabomber’s family—his brother and his mother. They agonized, but they turned him in. Do they still love him? Probably, but I suspect their feelings are not the same knowing he murdered so many people.

I don’t know since I don’t believe in and so far am not capable of unconditional love.

@Marina: I think that it must be heartbreaking for the family members, but there is some degree of mental illness involved in a person becoming a mass murderer. So I believe that they can still love him.

Loving someone and liking them are two different things. Many of us can probably think of one or two people whom we may not like too much, but whom we would be there for when hard times hit.

I think unconditional love also means doing what is best for you and for them. That is, it doesn’t mean codependence or being their enabler.

I love my family unconditionally. I would be there for them regardless. Even if he/she shot up a kindergarten or raped a nun…might not turn my back on him, but I’d always love him/her as my blood.

It means the differences and problems are overlooked or dealt with in a family or relationship!

My personal definition of ‘unconditional love’ is synonymous with the literal definition of the term. To love without conditions.
Based upon what I understand of this world (very little) I am led to believe that a concept such as ‘unconditional love’ does not exist, and my slightly greater understanding of my own preferences indicates that I dearly hope I am correct.

My dog loves me unconditionally, and that says a ton for me.

As for another human, I think my wife and I come as close as two people can as far as unconditional love is concerned. We just might be the only couple like that, but I rather doubt it. I’m sure there is another couple out there that love each other as much as we do.

I would hope so, anyway.

To answer, love must first be defined. My personal definition of love is to give myself to something or someone.

By loving my car, I give myself through payments, wash, maintenance…

By loving my fellow man, I give myself to them through charity, counsel, tolerance…

By loving my children, I give myself through security, employment, patience, time…

By loving my SO, I give myself by wearing all the stupid looking shit she dresses me in.

I do all of this unconditionally. It wouldn’t be love any other way.

To the man who abandoned, abused, beat and left me no inheritance, he died (and I never stopped loving him, never) angry at all his doings but I still love/loved him through it all because he is/ was my father…:)

Being a slave of your body chemistry and switching off your rational brain voluntarily. Love only makes sense when there are conditions as well.

@mattbrowne Wow. Yoiu are one unemotional dude, dude.

I am not capable of loving someone unconditionally and I don’t think anyone is capable of loving me that way either.

I think parental love is as close as it gets but I have never had children so I don’t really know.

Can a woman love a man unconditionally if she gets mistreated? One condition of love is absence of violence.

@mattbrowne Unconditional love is love that exists in the presence of mistreatment. Why do you suppose so many women who receive beatings from their SO go back?

I only believe in unconditional love between a mother and her child.

To love someone even when they fart in bed and hold your head under the duvet so you get a good wiff???
Nah seriously to love unconditionally is to have no reservations about the love you are giving and to not want anything in return…

but when you love you often want love in return, and children may love parents but don’t they require feeding, clothing, looking after and loving in returmn, don’t children want that back?? therefore their love is given with conditions?

To love someone even when they fart in bed and hold your head under the duvet so you get a good wiff???
Nah seriously to love unconditionally is to have no reservations about the love you are giving and to not want anything in return…

but when you love you often want love in return, and children may love parents but don’t they require feeding, clothing, looking after and loving in return, don’t children want that back?? therefore their love is given with conditions?

@Zendo Is it possible that a woman could keep returning to her abusive husband because she has some manner of strict emotional dependancy upon him? Perhaps because she has no other person who understands her quite as thoroughly as he does? Due to her being addicted to savouring the few pleasant moments with him? These are conditions in that if they are to disappear she would no longer love him no?
I cannot honestly state whether unconditional love exists or not, to develop an opinion on the topic with the insufficient evidence and experience I have would be foolish, but I can state with great sincerity, as I have previously in this question, that I hope it does not. To me, love without conditions is empty.

Unconditional love is accepting imperfections.

@Hambayuti Isn’t that love based on the conditions that you accept those imperfections?

@Nially Bob: Love without conditions is impossibly full, but no less real.

Unconditional love and acceptance promotes change and growth but they make no requirements. It is to love regardless of imperfections.

Being incredibly stupid.

Seriously, unless we’re talking about a mother and a son, i don’t see a normal relation involving an unconditioned love.

You can’t love unconditionately something that changes because some of its qualities are the reason why you love it. If that thing changes you lack a reason to love it and you should not.

Loving unconditionally means loving your idea of the person, rather than the person itself.

@Thammuz- You can’t see a father’s love for his daughter as unconditional?

@AstroChuck That too, let’s say “Parent – son/daughter”

@WifeOfBath
Tips my hat in your direction on behalf of humanity and wisdom.

@Thammuz
A good parent will sacrifice even their life for their children.

@SeventhSense One could sacrifice their life for someone they love conditionally

@Nially_Bob
Well the most serious condition seems to be the sacrifice of one’s life. From a rational standpoint the ultimate example of an unconditional sacrifice is “laying down one’s life for a friend” as Jesus said.
I don’t how one can call the act conditional when no condition is left. Unless there was a circumstance such as one agrees to die for another only with the implicit understanding that some set of directions must occur after his/her demise.
Dying for another is pretty serious. I mean there goes the weekend. ~_~

Accepting imperfections is wonderful and necessary. Mistreatment is not.

@SeventhSense Precisely why i said “Except for parents”

I too don’t think it really exists. I think people say it to be p.c. but really don’t mean it or don’t really think about it. Someone mentioned parent/child love (that may be the closest ideal) which makes sense; because its probably innate for the survival of the human race. Anything else seems to be an emotional rationalization and seems immature.