What do you think is the expected next response of a hurt and jaded person in regards to a new involvement?
The person in question states up front what a mess they are with baggage and reluctance to become exclusive with anyone anytime soon. However, this person now wants to spend all their time with you and seems to blossom with the shared affection. I personally think their first move after feeling enthralled, safe and optimistic is to test themselves by doing or saying something to upset the direction of the involvement, not to destroy it but to see for themselves how badly they want or miss this new thing they’ve come into. Do you think this is pretty common and could you see it through or would you not bother and walk away at first sign of trouble?
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I have seen through the fear and baggage, and forgiven the attempts to push me away… up to a point. If the person in question continues to run hot and cold, they need to avoid relationship situations until they are have dealt with their issues and unpacked their baggage, because it is unfair to the other person.
I don’t think it’s common. No. There’s a lot of different things “baggage” can refer to. I think the way someone acts is going to depend on the type of messed up they are and the type(s) of baggage they have.
I don’t think you have to unpack all your baggage first. Everyone has some baggage. It’s just a matter of how heavy it is, what kind, how much, etc. If we all had to unpack it all first, we’d all be loners.
Paint your wagon. Those who appreciate your style are free to ride. Those who don’t can get their own. Everyone is allowed to change their tastes, come and go. But your wagon is yours and it only goes where you steer it. If I stand in the way of that, please run me down and teach me a much needed lesson.
I say get out of your head and just live. I read this the other day and it really struck a chord with cynical old me:
“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”
— Mark Twain
@SeventhSense: I used to say something similar, give each new love 100% as if you’ve not loved before or been hurt before but…
@SeventhSense: I love that and I do understand, feels good to be able to admit to being a work in progress.
@SeventhSense
The heaven on earth reminds me of a story.
The warrior approached the monk asking him,
“Great Master, teach me of the nature of Heaven and Hell”.
The Monk did not look at him, only to say…
“A worthless dog such as yourself could never comprehend such things”.
The Warrior enraged, pulling his sword to the neck of the Monk…
“Prepare to die Monk. For your disrespect will not be tolerated”.
The Monk looked up and smiled…
“Thus you have entered Hell”.
The Warrior realized his error and fell to his knees…
“Forgive me master for I have sinned against you”.
The Monk gently spoke…
“Thus you have entered Heaven”.
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies: herein lies our want to offer our necks and frailties to the ones we love to see where they will take it?
Why not? Nothing says we can’t jump on someone else’s painted wagon if it suits us to where we want to go and “where they will take it”.
@hungryhungryhortence
Well you can say that a true master is perfectly content to relinquish the body for the dharma. In certain Zen circles the gift of a lesson learned is often marked by a gift of these.
And you realize how appropriate a symbol a pair of these are from such parables.
@hungryhungryhortence
“I personally think their first move after feeling enthralled, safe and optimistic is to test themselves by doing or saying something to upset the direction of the involvement, not to destroy it but to see for themselves how badly they want or miss this new thing they’ve come into.”
That could possibly be, but it would demonstrate the reluctance to shed themselves of previously admitted baggage nor to address tidying up the previously admitted mess they find their life in.
Rather than testing ”...how badly they want or miss this new thing…”. It sounds more like testing the waters of this “new thing” to see if the mess and the baggage can be kept afloat for a while longer.
Best to let it sink before attempting to load it upon someone else.
In my own experience, younger days promoted me to look for the right person. The right person was someone who could put up with my messy baggage. My older days aren’t spent looking for the right person any longer. My older days are spent looking to become the right person myself.
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