Can I do something about this or should I just let it go?

I’m sorry Tink, but I don’t think there’s much you can do. Tell her you love her and only want what’s best for her, but in the end she’ll have to make her own decision on this one. Don’t make her feel terrible for making it, ok?

It strikes me as wise that you understand you have a range of reactions to choose from.

@augustlan She chose to go already, other friends gave her advise too, and whats worse is that her mom can actually take her to the same school as she is in now, but chooses to move her. What a *****!

@kevbo I don’t get what youre saying…

I’m just saying that you asking the question says something positive about you.

It does?

Sorry hun, all you can do is advise her. If she doesn’t take your advise, then there’s nothing else you can do. Just be there for her as a friend and understand that she feels that she is missing something in her life. Even if that something, may not be particularly good for her, she’s going to have to figure that out on her own.

@kheredia Thanks

Maybe I’m wrong, but I think plenty of people wouldn’t consider that sometimes there’s only so much you can do.

I guess what I mean is that some people don’t get that they sometimes frequently have to pick and choose their battles.

@kevbo Oh, thanks then

Hi Tink. This is a tough situation and one that doesn’t have any easy answers or solutions. What you should do and can do is already in progress. You’re seeking advice and showing your concern for her welfare just like a good and loyal friend would do in this instance. Like others have mentioned already, she is going to have to make this decision on her own but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to her and be there for her along the way. Just be the best friend you can be, a good listener, and supportive of her decision even if it is something you disagree with. Don’t let this move destroy your relationship either. You’ve been close for 5 years now and even if a little distance between you both might not be easy, don’t let it become a reason to end a friendship.

@Bluefreedom Yeah, this has really hit me hard, but i’m still always going to be there for her even though we are sort of far away. I just wished she did what was best for her and stayed with her dad.

Flip the script.

How would you feel if your friend told you that you are fucking up? You would probably be mad. There is a good chance you don’t know everything.

edit:: FUCK IT.. What if the dad is raping the daughter? Just a what if. Maybe there is a lot more going on.

@johnpowell
woah who triggered your fucks?~
Your right, maybe she’s not telling me everything. But her dad wouldn’t, I hope not

I was thinking along the same lines as johnpowell, there must be a reason that she doesn’t want to stay where she is. It could be so personal or shameful to her that she can’t share it with anyone.

If I were in your friend’s shoes I would want to hear you make “I” statements, not “you” ones. Such as “I will miss you if you move” instead of “You should stay here so that our relationship isn’t ruined.”

What you think???

I think the best thing to do is to respect her decision, but to be there for her. The last thing she needs now is to lose a close friend and be more isolated. You can never know for sure why she’s chosen to take these actions, she will tell you one day if that’s what she wants to do, until then you can be someone she can trust and talk to. Even if you aren’t physically close, I would make an effort to talk with her on the phone once and awhile in addition to any other communication.

@rooeytoo Well she has told me she wants to be close with her mom too, buy I hope nothing is wrong with her dad and her. I’ll wait till she tells me something, if there is a something.
@dynamicduo She hasn’t moved with her yet, she said it was going to be before school started in like next month :(

Sounds like she has made her decision. She will need you to be there for her when her mother disapoints her again. I would drop criticizing the decision because when she really needs you, you don’t want her to hesitate calling you for fear of an “I told you so” reaction.

@Judi and I will be there for her, I’m not going to give her an I told you so. I’m not that type of person

@tink1113, I know you are a kind soul and so I just assumed you would be there for her when she needs you. ;-)

That must be tough,I know I would be torn up if I found out that my best friend had to move :(
Well I think the only thing you can do is just be there for her and I’m pretty sure that it will be hard dealing with it but that’s life.The good thing is that you guys can still email each other and talk on the phone and stuff and who knows,maybe she’ll visit you and you guys can be like you were before =]

@Judi Thanks :)

@irocktheworld yes we are still going to try to see each other

@Tink1113 Well that’s good =] But I still feel bad that she’s leaving :(

@irocktheworld thanks, so do I

@Tink1113 Yeah…you should spend more time with her as possible =]

Sometimes people have to make things worse for themselves before they can really see how bad they are. I’m sure your friend loves her mother despite anything and wants to see if she can help her mother change. She may even blame herself for the abuse and for her parents splitting. You need to make it clear to her (and to yourself) that you can disagree with something she does and still be her friend. You’re not judging her, you’re concerned about the situation. And that you will work hard to find ways to stay in touch (by internet, by phone, even by letter or postcard). She has chosen a difficult path so she will need your friendship and support. And you may need to be there for her to tell her to get out when it gets to be too much.

@ddtoronto welcome to Fluther. Lurve.