Do women really like assholes?
For the past week, i have been going crazy over this girl, i acted really nice to her, and she didnt seem to respond very well
I made a big deal out of having a crush on her and everyone seemed to have caught on the subject and drew a lot attention on her part
I apologized for the unwanted attention, and she seemed puzzled on why i would do such a thing, i thought it was polite.
But anyway after a discussion with the guys we concluded that chicks dont like nice guys and they want jerks
Is this true?
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48 Answers
Depends on the woman. Some like bad boys some don’t.
Women like men who validate how they feel about themselves, good or bad.
Not assholes necessarily. Just guys that aren’t afraid to take a chance.
just my opinion
This woman doesn’t.
Why would you assume that the reason this woman rejected you was because you were nice?
they don’t like “assholes”, it’s just that being nice all the time can sometimes come off as needy, or weak to them, I’m not really sure why. Whereas, the jerks come off as strong and individual. Don’t be a jerk to her, because she will grow not to like you eventually, just don’t be her shadow or anything to that affect. Be a little more aggressive, she should respond if she does like you…
Some girls are attracted to unhealthy relationships because of issues in their own lives. It’s not a situation you want to get tangled up in, I assure you.
@Chongalicious is right. Too much attention will turn a girl off, or anyone for that matter. You throw out a hint which it sounds like you have and wait for a response.
@nikipedia Well i genuinely said sorry for causing such a ruckus with me liking her, and she just brushed it off.
@Chongalicious I will try to be more aggressive, and not give her so much “Hey need help with that” we’ll see what happens
Not once they have been treated the way they should be by a man.
@kevbo pretty much nailed it if you ask me.
I am with @nikipedia I would evaluate why she rejected you before assuming it was because you were not an “asshole”.
that said I think girls have a propensity for assholes, but Women like a man who really knows how to treat them.
I wish I was nailin’ it more in my 20s.
I don’t think women are inherently attracted to jerks, just as men aren’t. Confidence, however, is hot as hell.
I agree with @Tink1113 some like bad guys (like me!) or some like assholes…
Human relationships are very, very complex, and don’t hinge on single interchanges or lend themselves to reductionisms like “assholes”.
Her unconscious mind was evaluating everything about you, including your posture, your odor, your vocabulary, perhaps your pheromones, and hundreds of other things she was probably unaware of, and she may or may not have made a final decision.
Propinquity can help, persistence maybe not so much, and eventually you must get a clue and behave accordingly.
@ABoyNamedBoobs03 actually, I’m only 17…but I don’t go for assholes…anymore. Certain girls/women just aren’t as fast at learning as others, or they just don’t respect them selves enough to think they’re “worthy” of a good relationship. I should know, I’ve been there =(
I follow two schools of thought. One: be yourself, and find someone who likes you for who you are. Two: always try to be a better person and improve yourself. Perhaps this doesn’t answer your question, but I think being genuine all the time is never a bad idea. If you’re nice, be nice and don’t look back.
I think that most girls date at least one asshole. I know I did. But reading through this thread I do tend to think that Kevbo makes a good point, women want validation from men whether it be of their positive self image or negative.
A couple of other great points here: @ABoyNamedBoobs03 saying that women usually don’t go for jerks, they have most likely learned their lesson. Also, as cynical as this may sound, @Adina1968 is right when s/he says most women have never been treated right by a man. I am in my 40’s and I am just now learning what it is like to be treated the way I deserve to be treated by the man I love.
I couldn’t tell you. I’ve dated “thugs” when I was younger, but they were always sweet to me, even when I broke their hearts. Maybe the “asshole” you see is just a facade ha
I used to think it was true, but I discovered that women just like men who are confident. Most assholes are confident, hence the confusion.
My god i love the responses, especially you @gggritso and you @pdworkin i will take all of your advice and use it tomorrow thanks to you all!
My friends also came up with the same conclusion a while back. But its not really a fixed rule.
What Happened to all the Nice Guys???
This is an entertaining read somewhat related to the topic, funny but somewhat true. :)
I think many women like complicated, but not true assholes. I just enjoy a man with a spine. I like it when they keep me guessing, and aren’t afraid to point out if I am being a jerk to them.
I thoroughly enjoy, and even need a little brutal honesty. I would rather be with a man that tells me he thinks dinner is terrible than one that makes funny faces and chokes down a few bites pretending to love it. I want a man that will tell me yes these jeans do make my butt look big, but the red skirt looks hot. I was with a guy once that was so “nice” I never knew what he truly thought or felt about anything. His real feelings were hidden behind a thick veiled curtain of politeness. I was left trying to guess what he wanted and read meaning into his silences. He just left me constantly unnerved. No amount of prying would get anything out of him that he thought would be rude to say. There is something refreshing to me about a person who is so frankly honest that he doesn’t tapdance to spare feelings and never leaves me wondering where he stands. I also like a man who is confident and knows what he wants, and one that will stand up for himself and for me as well. I don’t want a doormat. I don’t want someone so busy sparing my feelings that I never know the truth about anything. So yeah, I guess I like assholes. I like a dominant man. I’m a tich submissive, and that’s a turn on. I don’t want someone that is mean to people unecessarily, or someone who says cruel things for a sadistic thrill of making fun of people, or things like that. I just appreciate people who are frank and straight with me, and communicate what they think expect and want. I want him to be kind, and care about my needs, but to tell me the truth even when it isn’t so nice. I need to respect a man to be attracted to him. Also there is a difference between being nice, kind, gentle and self controlled, than being needy desperate and smothering. Don’t over do it. It is better to act like you are an option that is about to get away, than someone that will wait on the sidelines forever waiting for her to make up her mind.
@escapedone7 as I started reading your answer I was unsure where you might be going and frankly a bit hesitant to read on, by the time I got to the end I knew I had to give you lurve.
I agree with you about wanting a man who is honest. My boyfriend is never anything less than honest with me. One of my favorite things about him is that he holds my feet to the fire and keeps me on my toes. When we are spending time together I need to bring my A game. To me the difference between honesty and asshole is all in the attitude. As you said if it doesn’t come off in a nasty hurtful way then it is much easier to swallow and even appreciate.
BTW, welcome to Fluther!
Once again, does any human exhibit behaviors based solely on assumptions and stereotypes?
Are you kidding me?
I usually go for assholes who are assholes except to me!
My girl doesn’t like it when I act like a dick
@Damn_Tony You should act like a dick to other people except to her!
I go for the BADBOYS though. :)
Im not that kind of guy is what he always says…
@Tink1113 they ruin it for the one’s who actually aren’t…
to be honest I’m as sarcastic and cynical as they come but there’s a big difference between that and being a d-bag. Being an asshole is all fun and games, but where does it get you with people? It’s nothing but self gratification, I’d much rather have someone spend time with me because they enjoy my company over doing it because they think I’m Joe Camel
I do not get this idea that girls are attracted to guys who are dicks to everyone else but them. Being a dick shows disrespect to others. How long before the dick starts being himself to the girl and treating her the way he treats everyone else.
Also do girls really like the idea of hanging out in public with a guy who is offensive to others?
I do not get it. I would never hang around an asshole as he was a jerk to others.
she said she did, but then she said it was extra. dammit
@Zendo Sexually speaking, I bet most women would disagree.
Yeah, there’s a difference between being nice and tiptoeing. Guys in relationships always get hit on by women, because they usually have the right balance of showing attraction while being indifferent to the outcome of the situation. This is all by accident.
Time and time again I’ve found that I chose the “asshole” over the “nice guy”. In the end I always got hurt though. Eventually I began to really think my decsions through before immediately going for the bad boy type. I discovered that I liked men that wouldn’t let me push them around or get my way very easily. I tend to walk all over nice guys. But I was tired of getting hurt by the asshole men so I compromised. I learned to better control my “I always get what I want” attitude and stopped walking all over the nice guys. Not only am I a better person, I’m now with a wonderful guy who treats me great and I give him back the same respect and affection.
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