If you are not American: Is it surprising to you that young people in America say they hate their parents?

not at all… I think if we British were a lot more outspoken and truthful a lot more of us would say that too…

like your new avatar btw

I think it is universal that teenagers go through a stage when they hate their parents. Hopefully they outgrow it in time. So no I don’t think it would surpsrise anyone regardless of where they live.

Doesn’t everyone hate their parents from time to time?

No, not surprising at all. I hear it al the time from other nationalities. Not all crappy parents are from America…same goes for crappy kids. (grouch. grouch.) Sorry. I would have given a better reply on another day but my kid just told me a few minutes ago that he hates me. We’re not from the US. I felt like strangling him (but did not…would have…could have…but did not…much to his delight more than mine. sigh.)

I have to agree with the 4 previous responses in that going through bouts hating your parents is not a uniquely American phenomenon. When people are angry at other people, sometimes “I hate you” is what comes to mind, whether it’s parents, friends, spouses, etc. Whether or not you actually say it is a different story. I’ve said it, though usually my phrase is “I am so sick of you”. It’s only when I’m angry, though. As soon as I’m not, I don’t feel any dislike towards my parents.

My father, who is a sociologist, had raised this idea several years ago, that other cultures have more united families and that children want to spend time with their parents and family more often than American children. My dad has always felt strongly that the breakdown of the American family would harm society in the long run. He is not dwelling or specifically talking about divorce, but also other dynamics within a family. Recently, a similar topic came up when I was talking to with my husband and he said, “I remember when I had first started living in America and one of the kids at high school said they hated their mom, I couldn’t believe it, I had never heard anyone speak that way about their parents and found it hard to understand that someone would say or think it.”

I’m wondering if the people who responded above are from other cultures, but raised in America? Or, did you grow up outside of the US?

@JLeslie

Sounds to me more like it’s about willingness to speak it, rather than actually feeling it.

And my relatives are all Russian, but my parents were born and raised in this country and so was I. My grandparents are from Russia, but I don’t know much about whether or not they said they hated their parents. I don’t think that when a kid says she hates her parents it means that her relationship with her parents is over, she will never forgive them nor ever speak to them or respect them again. To me it means that she’s temporarily frustrated with her parents and it will pass.

Kids get frustrated with their parents; it doesn’t mean that saying they hate them is the only outlet, however. But are we as kids just supposed to be complacent with everything our parents do and never ever question them? Seems like that might be more prevalent in other cultures since in some cultures the parents arrange marriages and decide careers for their children. Also, it may have to do with the fact that the word “hate” simply isn’t as powerful as it originally was.

@DominicX I agree that it might simply a willingness to say it out loud, but I was just thinking about two people I know who are Indian, who are very committed to their parents and the family unit…much more than how I would describe a typical American young adult. My husband, could not recall “hating” his parents. I can remember being annoyed with something my parents wanted to do, and I guess you could say I hated them for a fleeting moment as you describe, but I don’t think I ever articulated it to someone else. I knew I did not hate them hate them. I would agree that hate isn’t as powerful as maybe it used to be. My husband and I both had a tremendous amount of independence and freedom growing up, so I was thinking at first, similar to what you mentioned that maybe some of it has to do with how strict you are raised, but then I think of those Indian kids and that doesn’t fit.

I would never have said or considered hating my parents. when my daughter told me that some of her school mates said they hated their parents I was shocked. we’re australian.I don’t think its an american thing. I think it’s a ‘nowadays’ thing.

I said I hated my parents a few different times, growing up. At the time, it was to express extreme frustration due to, I still feel, their incapability to parent well. In a lot of American families parents call their teens names when they get mad – like mine did. I heard, “You fucking bitch” or “You little brat!” numerous times growing up. How could I, as a child, be expected to respect parents that acted like children themselves?

Even aside from dysfunctional families (like mine) Americans grow up in a culture steeped in expression of individuality. It’s a major staple of American culture to express yourself and state your opinion, regardless of age or sex. Even though on one hand children are still raised to obey and respect their parents, Americans are also raised to be individuals and that how they feel matters. So a child will sometimes – more so than in a lot of other countries – be willing to express themselves, even if it means speaking out “against” their parents.

I took Cultural Anthropology and studied a lot of different cultures. There are definitely very few countries that even come close to placing as much importance on expressing individuality and free will, compared to America.

I’d say the word ‘hate’ is overused. What people often mean is “gee, today I’m really mad at XYZ…”

It seems to me that Americans love overstatements while the British love understatements like “gee, today I’ve really got a slight problem with XYZ…”

A confusing world, no doubt ;-)

@mattbrowne

I never even thought about that, but it’s so true. In Britain it’s all like “I rather dislike him, I do”. Americans just like to be more blunt. And that’s what I was saying about the word “hate” not being as powerful and it was originally intended to be. It’s just an expression of temporary anger/frustration. Now, obviously some parents and kids have bad relationships and it might be like that more often. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean they’re beyond flaw.

Deleted

The simple answer is that American society arrouses Hatred, we live in a hateful enviroment, young people have trouble assimilating into the system, they haven’t fully learn’t to swallow the angst and spend the next 60 years quietly nursing their resentment and discreetly discharging it, in snide manoeuvres. Freud had a clear account of parental issues, however i don’t feel it is universal, but cultural.

I am an American, and I remember growing up only one person I knew said they hated their parents.
When my daughter was having drug and gang problems, she told my wife and me that she hated us, but we were trying to put a stop to what she was involved in, and I figured that was the connection. She is quite attached to us now.

@DominicX – Yes, most of the time it seems temporary anger and frustration.

@filmfann – When we lived in America we met dozens of very interesting and friendly people and almost none of them ever used the word hate. I noticed the overuse of the word hate in tv series and movies. So in real life it might have to do with the people you choose to become close to. And kids learn from their parents and friends.

@mattbrowne My kids laugh and recite what I told them as kids: Hate is a very strong emotion, and you shouldn’t use it. (They used to say “I hate brocolli” or other things).