How do you deal with Strict Parents?

Mine are like this, and they don’t have a reason to, they just do.
I just listen to them at times, sometimes I don’t and I get grounded.
9:30?? Woah!

Parents make a mistakes and therefore do not want their children to suffer as they do. I you parents were not strict you should worry. They love you and care about you. Tell them you love them once in a while.

Aside from the curfew and your dad cleaning the rooms at such an early hour (you should clean your own room unless he’s using this opportunity to check for drugs, porn and other stuff), I think all else is reasonable.
Making up your bed can be therapeutic over time, let it grow on you :D
Eating in only the kitchen makes for cleanliness and reduces the chances you’ll take on the bad habit of over snacking or over eating while distracted by other activities.
If you choose to have a cellphone then it’s reasonable you pay for the charges, same thing should be when it comes time for you to be a licensed driver- you should take on the responsibility of paying your own car insurance and gasoline consumption.
The restriction of sleepovers makes sense since there are others in your house that may be imposed upon or a little stressed to have overnight visitors every week. Once a week sounds like a blast for sleepovers. Enjoy!

I may not be the greatest example since I was brought up with a lot of freedom and independence, but I’ll put my two cents in (I’m 17 and still live with my parents):

I don’t really see how the sleepover thing is unreasonable. Once a week is a lot. I’ve probably only had a few in my whole life. The others things, though, are a bit different. 9:30 is a little early for a 14-year-old. I know I was going to bed at 10 around that age, and of course, as I got older it increased to midnight. I never understood the OCD surrounding making beds. It’s my room, what the hell do parents care whether the bed is made or not? I make my bed sometimes because I like to use my laptop on it and it’s easier to use it on a made bed, but other times, I don’t make it at all and no one cares. It’s just going to get messed up again at night, anyway.

I can eat wherever I want, but I can see how eating only in the kitchen will cut down on messes around the house. Why don’t you just tell them that you’ll clean up anything if you eat somewhere else? Have they tried having you eat somewhere else before? How can they know it’s a bad idea if they’ve never tried it? I don’t think eating should be so restricted.

As for having one friend over, that’s a little stupid. Do your parents know your friends? Do they know that having more than one over wouldn’t be a problem? Why do they only want one friend over at a time?

Hanging out only on weekends is pretty common. Some parents don’t let the kids hang with friends until their homework is done; is it the same thing for you? I know when I was younger my parents did that, then it became up to me. But I didn’t really hang out on weekdays anyway, since that kind of sucks in general. :P

Have you told your step-dad that cleaning the rooms at 5:30 is ridiculous? Does he know that sleep is important? That sounds like more OCD to me. He also sounds like a brute to me; do your other guardians know that?

The cellphone bill you have to pay for is common as well; I know plenty of people who have to do that. I didn’t; my parents paid for mine but not all parents do that and I don’t see too much wrong with it unless they’re making you get a job during the school year, which is stupid since the school year is for doing schoolwork and focusing on school and you have your whole life to work for money.

Doesn’t sound like you communicate with your parents much. If you do and they don’t listen, then they’re unreasonable and there isn’t much you can do at that age. But you have to try talking to them and telling them how you feel about what they’re doing? I hate it when parents treat one sibling better than the other; it’s bullshit and it should be brought to attention in my opinion.

I’ll take a look at each of your arguments.

1 – 9:30 isn’t unreasonable at all, especially during the school year.
2 – Making your brother’s bed is a bit weird. The punishment should be about changing your behavior. I’d see if there’s something you can do instead that doesn’t directly benefit someone else.
3 – Eating only in the kitchen makes perfect sense. It means you can’t leave food trash everywhere else in the house.
4 – Who decided that you should have a cell phone? If it was you then you need to suck it up and pay the bill. If it was your parents then they need to suck it up and pay the bill. They shouldn’t decide that you should have a phone and then make you pay for it. Overage charges are a completely different story however.
5 – Sleepover restrictions are reasonable as well. That way you’re not monopolizing the house resources.
6 – Waking everyone up to clean their room is a bit strange. My parents always just said to have it clean by a certain time, then would change their definition of clean depending on when that time was (ie with 3 hours of cleaning more was expected than with 1 hour of cleaning).
7 – Have your proven that you can get your school work done and keep your grades up? Because if not that’s something you can do to change how often you can hang out with people.
8 – Not having more than one friend over at a time is weird too, but there could be a good reason for this. Find out what it is and let us know.

In short, how does your brother act compared to you? Because just by this post you come off as a whiny ass, and if my kid were being whiny like that I’d be more strict with them too. Not saying that it should happen like that, but it’s the way things are.

I’m thirteen and I have a few similar problems.
I cope with my mom and stepdad by always holding in my snappy responses, try speaking to them in a calm tone when you’re upset, and try to really understand why they’re doing all of this. Parents don’t normally just make rules to make their kids miserable, no matter what we teens think. I’m sure that they just have your best interests in the long run, I mean, paying for your own cell phone might teach you how to handle money responsibly.

I read a good book and here is something the author suggests you should do: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” (Shawn Covey or something, Seven habits of highly effective teens) :) I hope I helped you!

I harbor resentment and wait impatiently until I can move out. But uh, don’t do that.

I have to agree with @theichibun on just about everything, except to add that, with regards to sleepovers, you are on summer vacation, your parents are not. They have to get up in the morning during the week and work.

9:30 curfew during the week sounds like your parents expect you to study and make something of yourself. Go figure.

As for the one friend at a time, perhaps your parents find your friends annoying?

Sit down and have a talk with them about these issues, and why you think they are unfair, but remain calm even if they start yelling. In an argument, the winner is almost always the person who keeps his/her cool. Make sure to mention that your brother is getting better treatment than you and express what negative effects these rules have on YOU. My experience in these kind of situations is even if they deny it and say you’re just a complainer, 75% of the time, they are aware they are part of the problem but don’t want to admit defeat. In general, bringing up your problems with their rules may make progress on the issue even if you guys don’t come to any formal agreement.

Also, may I recommend treating them in a polite and courteous manner? If they give you a rule, even if you think it’s stupid, you need to follow it just to be respectful. Your best bet to change rules is not to rebel and don’t follow them but rather to act like a responsible adult and follow them, then meet with your parents and express your frustrations with the rules later on, hopefully getting change (that’s how laws are changed in this country – you don’t see people yelling at guys who are smoking in public places, but rather they go to their local governments and propose a ban of smoking in public places). If you show responsibility, most logical parents will give you privilege.

Finally, since it seems like you don’t really like your parents, find ways to get out of the house and get away from them. Since they don’t allow you to “hang out” after school, you may consider joining some clubs/sports/study-groups where you can socialize and be away from home (in the summer, consider going to/working at a sleep-away camp—you’ll probably have a later curfew, and overall more freedom, and if it’s your job, you’ll earn money). Find ways to get around rules like that.

Sorry that this answer just seems like a bunch of random thoughts thrown together, but here are some more tips:
1) Ask your parents EVERY DAY if there’s anything you can do for them/help them with
2) Tell your parents you love them EVERY DAY, even if you don’t mean it.
3) If the situation becomes any worse, you could consider bringing it up with a social worker/physiologist or similar person at your school. Most schools have them and they are designed to help people who are having problems like these in their lives. I don’t know what they could physically do to restrain your parents, but I’m sure they could give some kind of help.

If I haven’t summarized it enough, act as responsible and adult-like as possible. If your parents have any logic, they’ll start giving you more freedom if they feel you can handle it. If they don’t have any logic and this doesn’t work, you may just have to deal with them until you’re 18, but that’s life: sometimes you’ll have to deal with complete assholes and the best you can really do is suck up to them and wait it out.

Be at home by 9:30 or in bed? I don’t think it’s all that early to be back home, honestly.

I think 1 sleepover per week is low during the summer. Maybe once a week at your house, but why the limit on staying with your friends?

Making the bed is such an easy thing to do and, honestly, it is a good habit to develop. I never did it and still don’t even though I often wish I did. It makes your room look so much nicer.

Eating in the kitchen is a pain, but makes sense. As the parent, I can understand that (though I don’t in any way do it) but when I was the teenager I wanted to snack in front of the tv.

Are there just certain hours you can’t use the house phone for your mom’s business, or is it all the time? Personally, I think she should get a business line – that is what they are for – but it isn’t my decision to make. Can you ask if they will let you have a second line installed? I did this in high school and paid the difference, which was less than $20 per month as long as you don’t use long distance.

Have you asked them why they treat you so differently than they treat your brother?

The 5:30 bedroom cleanings would send me over the edge. I don’t have any advice on that, but you definitely have my sympathy.

There could be a lot of reasons why. My parents were super strict and abusive to me, but not my younger brother, or other siblings.

You should sit down and really think about how you feel. Write a letter to your parents, (don’t be rude or immature when you do this) and tell them how it is you feel, and give examples of what they do to make you feel that way. Listing examples is very important. Ask if you can sit down and talk to them after they’ve had some time to read the letter, and after it has sank in. Let them know that you believe you are being treated differently, and ask why. Sometimes parents don’t even realize they’re doing it. See if you can compromise with them on some things, whatever you do, don’t get mad or upset with them because that will just make things worse. Let them see that you can be mature about things, and that you’re going to be as rational as possible.

My sister is your age and I don’t think that 9:30 is a bad curfew, you are still young so I can see why this is.
He may say it’s not because of age, but it certainly may be. Also, for some reason parents are usually (NOT IN ALL CASES) a lot more laid back with boys than they are with girls. This may seem sexist, but it’s true.

I see where you’re coming from, but at the same time, you are still very young. However there are some things that you said that you’re parents make you do that do seem a little weird, like waking up at 5:30 to clean your room. Maybe that’s something you can write about to them.

Count your blessings, Cinderella

Dinner time should be when you are in the house for rhe night on school nights. After you clean up the kitchen and take out the trash you have plenty of time to do homework, organize things for school tomorrow and join us to watch the only TV in the house.

Your room needs to be straightened up before you leave for school but you can dust, vacuum, do the windows and your laundry on the weekend.

Your mom uses that phone to keep the roof over your head. You’re are lucky to have a cell. BTW no calls after 9 (that should help keep the bill down) and you lose it if ypo use it during class or church.

You have to EARN sleepovers and I have to have a face to face with the parent’s at any party you attend;

You live here-you clean here.

There is no such thing as NEVER or ALWAYS in a family.

If you do what you’re supposed to at home and school everything will change in a few years.

ha you think you have it bad!! im 17 & have a huge family. my dad is fairly reasonable but my mom says i cant do the things i will list below because i have “younger bros & sis’s that will copy”:
i cant sleepover, cant hangout with friends that don’t go to my church, can’t go to parties, cant paint my nails any color, cant dye my hair, can’t get fake nails, cant wear short shorts, can’t wear what I want to, can’t have ANY piercings or tattoos, can’t do ANYTHING.
so before you, a 14 yr old, complain about how you have it, think about HOW MUCH WORSE it could be. (:

i get the same problem with my dad, he is always making me clean his mess and he also makes me do almost all of the house work and i am not allowed to have friends over at all unless he is home and if 1 chore is not perfect i have to do it all over again, don’t even get me started on homewrok, the one way i cope is i read or ignore it, if i try to talk to him he gets mad at me!