@Deepness – yes, I agree with that to a degree, though really, I probably didn’t flush that out quite well enough. I agree with the sexuality continuum idea…0 being completely hetero, 6 being completely homo, and 3 being equally bi, whereas everyone falls somewhere between 0 and 6. I think because it’s a continuum, meaning someone can be 0, 0.1, 0.01, 0.001, 1.038298, 4.289072673, 3.28740 or any number in there, there are infinite points on that line if you break it down far enough and I don’t think anyone can really truly ever know exactly what their # is (the # itself being an artificial construct in the first place). But to try to break it down into a few general situations, first, let’s look at @TheCreative‘s example, not the person specifically referenced, but the case of someone who thought they were straight and “developed” a taste for the same sex.
This person could be in general one of a couple things. First off, the person is definitely not a 0 or a 6. Now let’s say the person is somewhere between a 0 and a 3, let’s say a 2…mostly straight, but some gay desires. That person, let’s say it’s a man who has always been attracted to women. Well, one day, this 2 meets a man who just for whatever reason shows this guy why he’s a 2 and not a zero. And maybe he gets over his conceived notion of “what” he was and gives it a try, and likes it. Now, time will tell, but over the course of time, this person if he’s truly honest with himself will probably see 2 women that he finds attractive to every 1 man he finds attractive, or will spend ⅔ of the time he spends in his life fantasizing about women and ⅓ about men. This person is bi, with a strong preference towards women, even though maybe right now, in this period of self discovery, he thinks of himself as gay. Straight people tend to treat homosexuality (if they haven’t spent time trying to understand it), like some sort of disease…like once you do something gay, you’re gay, or like you’re a werewolf ‘he TURNED gay’...like the moon got full and he started wearing a scarf. Unless you understand it’s a continuum, it’s hard for a lot of people to conceptualize that something didn’t turn them gay or straight or what not, it was what was within them all along.
Now maybe this person was a 4 or even a 5, but they come from a conservative and/or religious background, or just an environment where there aren’t any gay people, and gays are spoken of derisively (that’s a pretty common environment unfortunately). Even if his upbringing isn’t staunchly conservative or evangelically religious in nature, it could still be an environment where homosexuality is looked down upon, made fun of and derided, or at very least treated like some sort of aberration or affliction. Because there is enough flexibility in this person’s sexuality that he is bound to find SOME women attractive, given the pre-ingrained idea that straight is what EVERYONE just is unless there is something wrong with them his mind might just as a defense mechanism try to shut out the homosexual stimulus, and only allow itself to be titillated by the women who possess the qualities that turn this particular person on in a woman. This person might just think he is really picky and that’s why 9 out of 10 of the women he sees don’t do ANYTHING for him. Then one day a man does something that catches him off guard and it helps him get in touch with who he really is. He may actually then begin to prefer men, and really if he’s close enough to a 6, wonder why he ever liked women in the first place, because comparatively speaking, his new sexual identity is so much closer to who he is that it is more fulfilling.
In some VERY extreme examples as I believe I pointed out earlier, you can see a person who may actually be a 6 or close, but who has ingrained within him such an aversion to the whole idea of homosexuality, such a disdain for it, maybe even thinks its a one way ticket to hell, that he will suffer through a hetero lifestyle because it is what is right or is what God wants. There are many religious hypocrites and family values zealots who are closet homos who can’t even admit it to THEMSELVES, and instead choose to see the occasions when they are tempted by the same sex as SATAN controlling them….if they can believe they are absolved of their free will, then they can willfully act in the way that truly suits them without bearing the weight of the spiritual consequences of their actions. People have an amazing power for self delusion.
Now to get back to @Deepness’ point, yes, you could very well find someone who was somewhere just to the left or right of the middle of the continuum, who self-identified as gay. Maybe it’s just a matter of that was the culture that caught their eye and appealed to them, maybe the first person they happened to fall for was of the same sex, whatever, and maybe they were self actualized enough to say to the world and themselves…I’m queer, I’m here, get used to it. And so, that is how they self identify, but then the right person of the opposite sex comes along one day, and it’s good, and they question their sexual identity. They may thing they were straight all along, perhaps because this new found facet of their sexuality is so appealing and fun (and hey, it would make life a hell of a lot easier in our society), that they feel, I was straight all along and didn’t know it. But really they’re likely some degree of bi, just like most humans are, I think there are probably very few people who are actually zeros and sixes….at best the might be .001s and 5.999s.
I think everyone is innately somewhere on that scale, and when we see examples of the overbearing mother and submissive father producing a gay son, or we see the mom who dresses up the one kid in girl’s clothing and he turns out gay, well we think that means there’s a societal component (the nature vs. nurture debate), but I think that’s wrong. I think “what” you are, i.e. exactly where you are on the preference scale, is just part of who, it’s who you are, it’s how you’re born, it’s your personal brain chemistry. The nurture part of the equation comes into play by helping you self-assign your sexual identity. A 2.5–3.5 boy who is treated like a girl by a mom playing dress up may self identify as gay, regardless of where he technically does belong on the scale, whereas the same boy might self identify as straight if he was constantly dressed up in more masculine attire. But he is the same person he would have been, because it’s a continuum, and the closer to the middle of the continuum you are, the more flexible your definition is of what turns you on, but because we live in a society which expects you to self identify at some point, we seek out our dominate preferences when we learn our sexual desires, and it may just be the first thing we are drawn to that we allow ourselves to be identified by. And if it feels right, it takes essentially a cognitive break via having something appeal to you that is opposite of your beliefs about yourself in order for you to really realize that there’s more to the picture than what you were seeing. And I think until our society begins to view sexuality as fluid rather than rigid, we will continue to have a lot of people living lives that don’t 100% suit them.
At least that’s my theory, and I could be wrong, it just seems to fit though, for me and every example I can think of.
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