What would cause a person to do everything they can for everyone but their wife and child?

Resentment perhaps.

He views his family as an obligation and a weight. Something that holds him back and down. Not as a blessing.

Everyone else becomes and excuse to get away from them. To be free of them.

Just spitballing here.

Because when they agree to do things for others, they can’t say ‘no’ because they’re a coward – when they don’t agree to do things for family, they say ‘no’ because they take them for granted – or they’re unhappy with their family

Friends may seem more valuable, relatives are just there.

They are seeking approval and recognition. Since they know they have their families unconditional love and acceptance they don’t think they have to try as hard.

either a cheater of marriage, a gambler, a clubber, or a man of God who is very active in the ministry. the latter is responsible for many, but does not mean to neglect his family.

the three aforementioned are nothing like the pastor, but all can get too tied up in their passions or addictions that take away from family life

The family asks, and all of a sudden it feels like an obligation. A burden. It triggers resistance. He thinks he’s being imposed on. He don’ wanna.

Somebody else asks, and it feels voluntary. It’s a gift, not something expected or due. Now, instead of feeling like a bum for the procrastinating that he knows he’s going to do, he gets to be the good guy. He likes the way this feels better than he likes the feeling of doing some kind of duty.

I agree with @Bri_L

I know someone like this. She will do anything for anyone else, but her family – well, they are SOL. She volunteers for things, she will drop whatever and do things for people, when they are in a bind, but geez, if a member of her own family asks for help. No way. I’ve listened to her complain and complain about her family – to the point where I really can no longer count her as a friend. She just seems like one of those toxic people that just make situations bad – when you scratch beneath the surface.

I finally pinned it down, one time. For her, it’s the recognition. She likes people to think she is wonder woman. Even though she doesn’t do squat for her family – she is fine with taking the credit.

The guy’s not taking care of his wife and kid? His problem is simple. He’s no good. Period.

@Quagmire That’s not what I mean.
Suppose a friend of his friend asked him to take something to a storage place for her. He would do it that day without question. But if his wife of child asked him to take something to a storage place, it would take him several months to a year to do it.

I repeat. He’s no good. His wife and kid should be his FIRST priority.

Hm…
I agree.

People with poor self esteem often seek to build it by currying the favor of others. They do that usually at the expense of their closest loved ones, because if you don’t like yourself, you would not want to be a member of a club that would accept you.

Seems like they’re taking their family for granted!

Some kind of dumbass grudge..probably pointless and trivial.

I think there have been some cynical responses to this question, if everybody put family first we would live in a feudal state, devoid of a greater sense of community.

@mammal – Putting family first doesn’t mean don’t help others. My husband and I both have a family first belief, but we still reach out to others. The two are not mutually exclusive.

@cak too many people justify their pushy, unethical business habits, because they have a brat that needs spoiling.

@mammal – “too many people justify their pushy, unethical business habits, because they have a brat that needs spoiling.”

Well, that’s pretty cynical, isn’t it? Not really sure where that is coming from, but wow. Just wow. There are a lot of people that aren’t unethical, don’t spoil their children and help others. There are also plenty of people that don’t have children to spoil and are unethical – in regards to their business practices – just to spoil themselves. How did this get directed at children?

@cak yes, @mammal can get pretty cynical, but he isn’t always…

maybe they know that their wife and child love them unconditionally, and they – consciously or unconsciously – take advantage of it. i mean i guess it depends on the specific situation. but i think that when you’re around someone a lot, and know they’ll care about you even if you don’t paint the kitchen, it tends to float to the back of your mind. it weighs less.