How would you handle a financially dyslexic significant other after nicely approaching them numerous times already?

Make her pay for her own stuff. Don’t let her touch your money. If she wants expensive things she better be able to afford them herself.

It’s not like you haven’t tried to compromise.

A spreadsheet. Show what you take in and what you spend.

And you can say stuff like if we cut down on our spending we can go to Paris for a week.

I write down everything I spend. And then I look over over it. A lot of the time I am thinking that I didn’t need to spend that for that.

Visualizing things might help.

And are you with my sister? She is the same way.

Since she uses credit cards when you cut her off from her funds, how does she pay the bill?
Since she is your SO, she must know what you earn, so showing her probably won’t help.

You may very well be down to two choices.

Kick her out, or keep her and brace yourself for more of the same.

By the way, Albert Collins, Master Charge is hot stuff.

My suggestion is to find a psychologist who can make a full diagnosis and evaluation and can recommend a good treatment plan.

While there is no cure for dyslexia, there are several treatments that have shown great promise. Most of the methods described are designed for children in a a classroom environment, but they can be modified for adults.

Techniques designed to help all the senses work together efficiently can also be used. Specific reading approaches that require the patient to hear, see, say, and do something (multisensory), such as the Slingerland Method, the Orton-Gillingham Method, or Project READ can be used.

That is one of the major reasons for divorce. The top five list is: poor communication, financial problems, lack of commitment to the marriage, dramatic change in priorities, Infidelity.
Some people are spenders, some are savers. If you’ve tried to explain it and the info does not sink in then you have a choice to make. Do you want to go through life with that constant battle (either internally or externally)? Hiding the money will not work.
If this is short term relationship then maybe you can suck it up and enjoy the ride for a year or two. But, if it is long term with long term goals: house, family, college, retirement, you need to think long and hard. The earlier you decide, the better.
Spending can be just as seductive/addictive as a drug habit. Are you strong enough to take on a partner with that burden? I was not. I dated a spender but married a saver.

Some people just don’t understand money. My sister is one of them. I just don’t understand how she can’t know not to spend money she doesn’t have!!

Luckily I don’t live with my sister. This isn’t the case with you and your girlfriend.

Money is serious business, and it’s just that – business. It helps to make that point in your discussions with her, as she can interpret your criticisms of her spending as being a criticism of herself (which it is, of course). Money ensures you pay bills on time and have security in terms of food and shelter.

The first step is to secure rent, utility, and food money. Establish a budget where she can see all of the information, she is to deposit half of rent and utilities and food costs (estimate for the first month) into a joint account used for paying these bills, and you do the same.

Then you are left with money for savings, investments, and spending on personal items. Here is where people should be free to make their own choices, but if you do intend to be a couple it’s good to establish savings and a plan for the future. So a certain amount should be put aside and invested or put into a high yield account. Then the rest is left to spend as you or her see fit.

Of course this is the plan for someone without any type of disability. Since she has a disability, this needs to be overcome. You can communicate to her just how important sorting all of this financial stuff out is to you and your future, and that without any improvement there is no future for the two of you. And then you can provide her with the name and number of a psychologist who can help.

Honestly, this is in my mind the best approach. It is simply not wise to marry a financially irresponsible person, because they will likely always be that way unless there’s some reason to change. Seeing their relationship end, or in trouble at least, because of their spending habits may be just the kick in the pants needed.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, although I didn’t follow it, was to never get seriously romantically involved with someone unless you would not regret having that person ruin you financially.

I’d say that the inverse is true here: if you don’t want this SO to ruin you, don’t stay involved. Of course that’s the last straw, but she needs to understand that that’s what’s at stake.

Since there is no way to separate yourself from her debts legally if married, you may want to think about asking her to get help to improve her spending habits because if she won’t, you can’t stay in relationship with her.

“Money is stored energy.” Fritjof Capra

Draining the finances is draining the energy from the relationship.

There have to be consequences, baby.

First you decide what you want. If you can’t live with her financial decisions, give her a chance to change. But, if she doesn’t you have to decide what the consequences for her and you will be. Tell her of the consequences and stick to them if her behavior doesn’t change.

and if you are married, you have no choice but to pay off the debt. even if you divorce her, debt accumulated during your marriage is joint debt and creditors won’t care if a judge orders your wife to pay half of the debt – 100% will show up on your credit history. so as a been there, i’d say take this very seriously and don’t hope it will just go away. a spouse that just refuses to cooperate is…a problem. best to you guys.

Please hear this with Lurve from a fellow Jelly:

A person who spends money they do not have, has been doing it for a while, and still continues to do it even after repeated discussions is missing something basic in their understanding of how they fit in the world.

As one grows up, one realizes the need to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. It is fundamentally childish to expect to get something for nothing.

You need to get to the bottom of why your partner has this viewpoint and see if her understanding of how the world works is truly compatible with yours.

Maybe you can fix her view, maybe you can’t.

@johnpowell Nope, not your sister. xD It’s funny you should mention a spreadsheet because I actually made a giant poster board budget and put it up on our wall.. she said ok.. ok.. we’re gonna do this.. next week she goes and buys a $8000 dollar sewing machine. She’s trying to help by making money via her hobbies but it’s just draining our dough.

@Zendo She pays the bill with money I earn. And yes.. I love that song because it means I’m not alone with this.

@worriedguy We are actually married and I’m a firm believer in “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part”.. so divorce for me is not an option.. I would live in a box with her if it came to that… of course I don’t want that.. which is why I asked this question. I suppose it was asked in a moment of desperation after yet another argument about money.

@dynamicduo I’ve stressed many a time that what I want is to get her what she wants.. but that in order to do so we have to have a budget and planning etc etc .. it seems, however, that she is terminally independent. xD

@cwilbur As much as I don’t believe in divorce the thought has crossed my mind.. That was, in fact, my next step was to explain to her that I can’t live like this.. if she isn’t willing to change than it just might be the last straw regardless… I want what’s best for my sons and if that means defying my vows .. I don’t know.. it just may have to come to that.. I really hope not.

@Marina What happens in a divorce? Where does the debt get placed if we are using joint bank accounts? Does it split? Oops.. @avalmez answered my question below. Thanks.

@PerryDolia
It appears I have no option but to fix her view. The altnernative is the poor house.

One way to curb the problem would be to return anything and everything she buys that you don’t approve of. I think the $8,000 sewing machine should have gone straight back to the store.

I also stick by my advice to see a psychologist. While this does not sound like typical dyslexic behavior, it certainly does sound like a serious personality disorder.

@YARNLADY You know what’s really funny?.. a lot of our money was spent on yarn. xD

When she bought the sewing machine I hadn’t quite surmised the desperation of our situation.. I guess love is blind in more than one way.

Like they say on the airplane: “If you are traveling with others make sure to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.” It looks to me like it is time for you to put on your own mask. Get a post office box and start opening your own accounts in only you own name. Get a business account if possible. They are usually free and have checking, debit and credit cards. (Chase is good. Free everything if over $2000 .) Don’t ever mention them! I repeat. Don’t ever mention them!!! Let the joint accounts slowly die. Ask that credit cards on joint accounts have reduced credit limits. Depending upon the state you can either be responsible for half, all or none of the debt she runs up. But since you are most likely the primary wage earner, you will be hit with the bills and the legal fees anyway.
Statistically, the “saver-spender” issue is responsible for more divorces than infidelity.
Sadly it is clear she really does not realize the pain she’s putting you through. You have my sympathy.

It’s too bad you can’t convince her that getting things at the best discount possible (free) is the best way. I use donated items entirely when making my gifts which I donate to charity. I have pounds and pounds of donated yarn, fabric, thread, and even a donated sewing machine.

Freecycle.com has free things every hour of every day. Maybe you could get her committed to that.